The Crosstown Classic: Two Teams, One Cup, Zero Fucks Given

From what I'm seeing on Twitter, we're talking about the Crosstown Cup already. Oh goody.

To borrow from the late, great Roger Ebert:

I hate this series. I hate hate hate hate hate this series. Hate it. Hate every simpering stupid vacant fan-insulting moment of it. Hate the sensibility that thought anyone would still like it. Hate the implied insult to the fans by the belief that anyone would be entertained by it.

The man knew how to insult stupid things, and this falsely inflated, crosstown, unimportant clusterfuck of a series definitely qualifies.

The Crosstown series was once kind of fun because we had never seen the two teams play games that counted since 1906. But now it has now been sucked of any fun at all since the early 2000's at best. It's not unique anymore. It's boring. It might as well be the impending must-see series between the White Sox and Marlins. Seriously, are even the players' families going to watch that? Good God. INTERLEAGUE!!!

Its unquestioned time of death was October 2005. At that point, both teams were in the middle of the longest and second longest active World Series droughts in baseball. The Crosstown Series was the only tangible thing either fanbase had to gloat over the other team. The 2005 World Series changed that. The Sox won the race to the Holy Grail. So who gives a shit about the Crosstown Series now? You don't care about losing the Kids Choice Award when you win an Oscar. Same basic concept, except some people (kids, I guess) care about the Kids Choice Awards.

All that happens now in the series is that dipshits on both sides of town over-serve themselves and start fights in the stands. RIVALRY!!!

There aren't even any good personalities to inject fake emotions into the series anymore. No Ozzie talking about what a shithole Wrigley is. No Zambrano losing his shit. No A.J. No Sammy. Could these teams possibly have any less interesting players?  Even the good ones are boring for the purposes of the trumped up rivalry that BP has spent millions endorsing.

Is Anthony Rizzo going to say anything about White Sox fans not being able to read? Will Chris Sale make a comment about Wrigley being a gay bar? I expect the Cubs will actually be in the post-season again before either of those things happen.

Maybe the managers will get in a war of words. Dale? Robin? Anything? No? You sure? OK, then.

The closest thing to an actual personality that can get under the skins of the opposing fans is in the broadcast booth. I don't know what Sox fans think of Len Kasper and Jim DeShaies, but my guess it is something between dim recognition and blissful ignorance.  But Cubs fans can pretty much all get on board with being annoyed as fuck by Hawk Harrelson's constant umpire critiques whenever things aren't going his way and Steve Stone's smug arrogance. So there's that. Sounds like good money spent by BP, huh? A rivalry so heated it can be diffused simply by hitting the mute button on your remote control!

I mean, for fuck's sake, the games aren't even on the weekend this year. The Cubs didn't even bother making either one of them a night game. The Cubs scheduled THREE out of four weekday games at night when the Padres were in town. The Padres series got a more favorable time slot than the White Sox. That should tell you something.

Can't we just make it once every three years or so like they do with all the other interleague series? Maybe that will return it to being special again like when the Yankees sometimes play the Cubs. That's kind of fun. Because it doesn't happen every damn year.

Won't someone please, for the love of God, put this series out of its misery? Probably not until the BP money stops rolling in. As if we needed another reason to hate BP.


About aisle424

I used to write lots of things about the Cubs. Now I sometimes write things about the Cubs.