All of you folks out there looking for some last-minute Christmas deals can just head on over to Cubs.com for the DEAL OF THE CENTURY!
Remember a couple of years ago when the Cubs started a Fantasy Camp and they were charging $7,500 for the experience, and nobody thought that was worth it, so they lowered the price to $3,000? Well, they’ve added a couple of things to their package and now charge $4,500 for it.
You may be asking yourself, “What exactly is different about this package, Tim?” or “Are you writing about this simply because we haven’t had a new post in a while?” Well, I’m glad you asked!
The Cubs have outlined why this Fantasy Camp experience is a must-buy:
- Full participation in all activities in the 2012 Wrigley Field Fantasy Camp
That’s great! Though I’m not sure why you have to include a specific bullet point that clarifies that you are purchasing participation in the Fantasy Camp when you purchase participation in the Fantasy Camp.
If the Cubs were in charge of marketing eggs:
This carton of a dozen eggs contains:
- Cardboard carton
Wally is really earning his money here.
- Two tickets per participant to the Budweiser Bleacher Suite for the Cubs vs. the Boston Red Sox on June 17, including food and beverages
The Cubs are adding in an extra ticket to the one they offered a couple of years ago and the game is higher profile (it was Cubs-Reds in 2010), but now they are making you sit out as far away from home plate as you can get without sitting on Al Yellon’s lap (that’s the deluxe package).
- One single or double hotel accommodations for two nights per order
- Round-trip transportation between the hotel and Wrigley Field
I suppose most people who participate would need a place to stay while they are in town, but I’d imagine there are more than a few local people who wish they could opt out of this since it probably tacked a few hundred onto the price. But you get to pretend you are a real ballplayer arriving on a team bus, so there’s that, I suppose.
- Camper-customized, authentic Cubs uniform (Choose home, road, or alternate based on availability. Uniform options »)
- Includes Cubs hat, socks, belt and matching jersey pants
- Personalized Under Armour warm-up gear and turf shoes also provided
Personalized underwear. This is what the Cubs are selling as a value-added feature. I really don’t need to say any more here, do I?
- All food and drink while at the ballpark
If you can scarf down 1,000 bison dogs while running around on the field trying to hit and catch a baseball, you can totally make your money back. I wonder if they let you keep playing if you puke on the field?
- Personalized one-day contract signed by Cubs Executives
You can get the Superfriends’ autograph! I bet Todd also signs them all in crayon.
- Photo and video keepsakes from the day
Evidence that you suck at baseball for you to keep and for your family to play back every time you bitch about how it isn’t hard to hit the ball out of the infield with a runner on third or that you could have totally made such an easy catch at the warning track. Sounds great!
- Autographs and photo opportunities with Cubs Legends and celebrities in attendance
If I spend $4,500 on a freaking Fantasy Camp, I better get some damn autographs. In fact, they better raise Santo from the dead so I can get my hands on a Santo HOF autograph.
- Invite guests to Wrigley to watch you take the field!
I imagine the park will be quiet enough for you to hear every smart-ass comment that your horrible playing will evoke from your friends and family. It may even get captured for posterity on the video keepsake you take home so you can re-live it over and over!
Are you sold yet? Are you already reaching for your wallet? Wait! Don’t answer!
What about if they sweetened the pot just a little more?
Order two or more roster spots together for just $4,250 per spot!
WOW! You’re going to knock a whole $250 off? That’s over 5.5% off each!
So hurry on over to Crazy Wally’s Wacky Wrigley Experience and Holiday 6-Pack Emporium for a deal you just can’t beat!