Cubs Help George Lucas Continue to Ruin Star Wars

When I saw Star Wars when it first came out in 1977, I thought it was the best thing than man would ever do.  As I grew up and saw the next two movies in the trilogy, it only solidified my belief that George Lucas was a frickin’ genius.  If only he had known when to just quit at the top of his game.

The re-releases of his original trilogy that didn’t improve the texture of the original films so much as highlight how far special effects had progressed in the 20 years after their release made me wonder what the hell he was doing.  Even getting past the Greedo shooting first thing (which I still think is a crime that should be punishable by death), he added so many little creatures walking around Mos Eisley that it looked like Jurassic Park.  Then Obi-Wan and Luke go into the cantina and it’s the fucking Muppet Show.  It just didn’t make any damn sense.

Then we finally got to see the back story of Darth Vader and as great as the originals were to the 5-year old me, the prequels were just as earth-shattering, but on the awful side of the equation.  I won’t go into the whole thing here, but reviews at Red Letter Media say it all (it takes awhile to get through them all, but they are worth it).

So now George Lucas is releasing the original films onto Blue Ray and he is fucking with them again.  He’s apparently replacing the puppet Yoda with CGI, making the Ewoks blink, and mimicking the scene from the end of Revenge of the Sith with the cartoonish “NOOOOOOOO!!!” from Darth Vader.  This time he exclaims it as he approaches the Empreror as he’s electrocuting Luke.

If he wanted to fix shit, he could remove the “NOOOOO!!!!” from Revenge of the Sith and just have Darth silently destroy the operating room with his mind, but no, he has to go ruin an otherwise perfectly good scene from the original movies.

So just when the Star Wars franchise has been beaten within an inch of its life with a crowbar, here come the Cubs to steal its wallet and piss all over the bloody body.

starwars

(h/t Rice Cube)

Just what I’ve always wanted!  To be watching a baseball game between two horrible teams from some of the worst seats in the park and getting interrupted by minimum wage-earning college kids wearing Chewbacca costumes.  For fifty bucks, I better get a lap dance from Princess Leia in the gold bikini.

The plan has only one good aspect as far as I can tell.  It may answer the age-old question: Who is more annoying, Jar Jar Binks or Ronnie Woo?


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About aisle424

I used to write lots of things about the Cubs. Now I sometimes write things about the Cubs.

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