Yesterday we learned from Mike Quade that the Cubs lost a game 9-1 because Starlin Castro wasn’t focused on a pop fly which set a bad tone for the entire rest of the game. Not too long ago, he went off on the umpires for being horrible.
Before that, he was on board with Tom Ricketts’ assessments that the team was bad because of weather and injuries.
So one has to wonder what he will blame next. Fortunately, Obstructed View has been taking lessons from the News of the World and we discovered a list of grievances Mike Quade has been keeping on his cell phone. So we can now exclusively provide the:
Top Ten Things Mike Quade Will Eventually Blame For Cubs Losses
10. Casey Anthony
9. Ivan DeJesus still doesn’t know any fucking signs and he’s apparently never heard of a stop sign before.
8. The dog ate my homework
7. Castro is too busy thinking about cats again
6. FOX News
5. Fun-suckers on Twitter and their ilk
4. That fucking butterfly in Kansas that flapped its wings at a really inopportune time and set a bad tone
3. X marks the scene of the crime! These arrows show the exact position of the sun over Wrigley at the time of the crime! Jupiter was aligned with Pluto! The Moon was in the seventh….
2. Why is Castro still thinking about fucking cats and how he can’t hug every cat? That’s crazy, right? He can’t hug every cat! So anyway, I’m a Castro-lover but….. (sobs)….. I’m sorry, I was thinking about Castro thinking about cats again…
1. Todd Ricketts fucks up everything