Pujols is Coming, Tra La Tra La…. Wait, No He Isn’t…

The Winter Meetings are always fun.  Especially now that Twitter is a part of the rumor mongering, the GMs and agents can’t do anything without it being tweeted to a breathless horde of followers watching their tweet stream far more intently than they have watched their own children do anything.

“The Cubs are in on Pujols.”

“The White Zone is for loading and unloading, there is no stopping in the Red Zone.”

“The Cubs are more interested in Prince Fielder.”

“The Red Zone is for loading and unloading, there is no stopping in the White Zone.”

“The Marlins are heavily pursuing Ozzie Smith, Jose Canseco, Steve Sax, Mike Scioscia, Don Mattingly, Wade Boggs, Roger Clemens, Ken Grifffey Jr., and Darryl Strawberry.”

“No, the White Zone has always been for loading and unloading, there is no stopping in the RED Zone.”

“The Cubs will add Bryan LaHair to the rotation and he will play 1st on days he doesn’t pitch.”

“Don’t start with this Red Zone/White Zone shit again.”

“Urban Meyer is flatly denying that Albert Pujols exists.”

“Why don’t you just admit that this is because I won’t have an abortion?”

“OMG! Albert Pujols’ agent just did a line of coke off a hooker’s chest that was seen with Ozzie Guillen last night! He must be going to the Marlins!”

And so forth.

Meanwhile, we still don’t have much of a damn clue what the Cubs are actually going to do.  For that matter, they might not either.  They are clearly interested in the idea of Pujols or Fielder, but with the Marlins throwing around cash like it’s Monopoly money, it seems unlikely that either of them come at even a semi-reasonable rate for the position the Cubs are in.

The closer market, which seemed to be a real seller’s market, got a little tighter as the White Sox pulled the trigger on a deal sending Sergio Santos to the Blue Jays to presumably fill their closer needs, so what does that mean for the Cubs who have two elite-level relief pitchers and very little need for both of them?

Aramis Ramirez could end up in Philadelphia or Milwaukee. Wouldn’t it be fun if he ended up as a Brewer?  I’m not sure who would hate that more, the Cubs fans or the Brewers fans.

Starting pitching doesn’t seem like it is going to be cheap.  Mark Buehrle is the last drunk ugly girl at the bar during last call that every guy is trying to take home.  Sure, there might be better women out there, but this is the one here and now and the deal has to get closed.

So we wait and hit refresh on our news feeds of choice.  

Still no Pujols signing.


At the time of this writing, members of Marlins ownership are meeting with members of the commissioners office. So you know what that means… they’re going to a strip club!


About aisle424

I used to write lots of things about the Cubs. Now I sometimes write things about the Cubs.