Random Cubs Notes and Ramblings

The world won’t end today, but by the 5th inning of tonight’s game, you’ll wish it had.

The Cubs aren’t just modeling themselves after the Red Sox, they’re four years ahead of the curve. They signed a speedy left fielder with diminishing potential to a gaudy longterm contract long before Theo Epstein made it fashionable. (h/t, of course, to Berselius)

The debate over who is faster, The Flash or Superman, once became so heated that it shut down the DC Comics discussion forum. Peace was restored after the argument was rendered moot by Tony Campana

It’s too bad the Cubs aren’t playing at home this weekend. Tom Ricketts could have blamed the empty seats on the Rapture.

RIP Randy Savage.

Since both broadcasting teams remind us three times a game, I don’t think we really have that hard of a time remembering that Starlin Castro is only 21 years old.

I honestly have no idea what to make of Darwin Barney.

Dishonestly, I’m sure Darwin Barney is the second coming of Mickey Morandini.

Keith Moreland could stand to loosen up a bit.

A decent owner would have lowered ticket prices after last season. A lot.

The Cubs used to have a ballgirl named Marla Collins. That was weird.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was governor of California. That’s a lot harder to believe than that he’s the political equivalent of Shawn Kemp.

Bill Buckner is not a broadcaster. He’s Ron Swanson trapped behind a microphone.

Someday, Tony Campana will get lost in the ivy.

The next time the Cubs hold a team meeting they should invite better players.

It might be time to admit that Alfonso Soriano‘s biggest asset is his defense.

Pretty sure Wellington Castillo is just Koyie Hill with thumbs.

What if Rudy Jaramillo really is making the Cubs offense better? How bad could they have been without him?

Len and Bob will be broadcasting a game from the Bud Light Bleachers. They’re actually getting paid to sit there. The Cubs’ best customers must be livid.

Hurry up, Randy Wells.

Take it easy, Andrew Cashner.

Stay away, Kevin Millwood.

Do your thing, Derrick Rose.