Searching For a Ray of Sunshine on an Otherwise Craptastic Day

Today has been a rough day to be a Cubs fan.  Everything got off to a bad start this morning as we awaited word on Andrew Cashner’s MRI results.  But we can look to to point us to the light and make the best of a bad situation.  Surely, Carrie Muskat will give us the hope for a happy ending that we all crave as Cubs fans.

The Cubs rotation took a double hit on Wednesday, when both Randy Wells and Andrew Cashner were sidelined with strains in their forearm and shoulder, respectively, and both are headed for the disabled list.

Wait… what? Cashner, sure, we were almost PREPARED to hear that about Cashner, but what the hell is this about Wells?  Did he strain his arm lifting a bottle or something?

Wells has a strained right forearm, which he felt Tuesday, the day after his start, while Cashner has a mild strain in the back of his right rotator cuff. Both had MRIs, and the good news is that neither has structural damage in their arms.

Well that sounds bad, but not catastrophic.  They’ll probabaly just be out for a couple of weeks.  Better safe than sorry.  Whew… I was starting to get concerned.

“We’re not going to put a time frame on any one of them because we’re going to be careful in April,” Cubs general manager Jim Hendry said Wednesday.

That doesn’t sound very reassuring.

They will not pick up a ball for at least two weeks, Hendry said, and they will be re-evaluated at that point.

Holy shit, they won’t even be touching a baseball until almost Easter?  Somebody better tell me something uplifting soon or I may start Googling how to make a noose.

“It could’ve been a lot worse — I could’ve been out the rest of the year,” Cashner said. “It is what it is, and I’ll get strong and get back out there when I can.”

That is not uplifting!  I need something along the lines of “if this were the playoffs, I’d probably stay in the rotation, but we’re just being cautious” and you give me “it is what it is”? Where is the roof access in my apartment building?

The Cubs don’t need another starter until Sunday in Milwaukee and are expected to call up right-hander Casey Coleman from Triple-A Iowa. They also will look at lefty James Russell as another option, and he could start on Tuesday in Houston.

Casey Coleman and James Russell…

“We’ll find a way to get through it,” Hendry said.

Three man rotation!  Old school!  Maybe we can get a XXXL uniform for Greg Maddux and get him back out there?  On a completely unrelated note, how many Tylenols do you think is fatal?

Neither Wells nor Cashner felt any discomfort in Spring Training. Wells started on Monday and threw 99 pitches over six innings against the D-backs. He said he had some soreness in his forearm on Tuesday. There is nothing wrong with his elbow, Hendry said.

This may just be me, but jumping right to dismissing problems with the elbow seems a bit defensive to me.  Of course, I’m used to seing pitchers go down early in the year with “strains” that are “nothing to worry about” and we don’t see them on the mound again until at least after the All-Star break.  What if the Tylenols were washed down with a bottle of Jack?

“The MRI showed nothing structural, the ligament is fine, and I just have a strain in the forearm and the flexor there,” Wells said. “I’m just going to take some rest and time and come back stronger.”

Nothing structural.  Just a strain.  The thing is, a strain is a tear.  A tear in the muscle.  It is a mild tear, but it is a tear nonetheless. So it has to be somewhat structural, right? I’d be happy to be wrong about this, so someone please make me feel better about this in the comments.  Maybe mix the Jack with some bleach?

Wells, who threw 194 1/3 innings last season, has been one of the most durable pitchers on the Cubs last season.

Well, get ready to pass that torch to someone else, son.  Speaking of torches, I wonder if I have any kerosene laying around.

“It’s one of those freak things,” Wells said. “I’m not going to rush anything and make sure I’m completely healthy. When I come back and make my next start, I’m going to be 120 percent.”

rookie of the year120%? They’re going to make him bionic?  Or is he going to be like the kid in the horrible movie, “Rookie of the Year” where his ligaments heal “too tight” and he can suddenly throw a bazillion miles per hour?  I wonder if I watch that movie on a continuous loop if my brain would actually explode?

Cashner made his first Major League start on Tuesday and gave up one run on two hits, including a solo homer by Arizona’s Ryan Roberts, over 5 1/3 innings. He had gone to a three-ball count on two batters, including Willie Bloomquist, who drew a walk with one out in the sixth. Cashner said he felt the discomfort on the last two pitches to Bloomquist.

Why the hell is Willie Bloomquist involved in everything that went wrong for the Cubs in this series? Maybe murder suicide is the answer.

“We were counting on those guys, absolutely,” Cubs manager Mike Quade said. “Now we’re counting on them to get back as quick as they can and come back healthy.”

At a 120% right, Q?  At least he’s trying to throw out some straws that I can grasp.

Quade remained optimistic.

I often wonder what color the sky is in Mike Quade’s world.

“In this day and age when you hear about people who get shut down for a year, this could be a lot worse,” Quade said. “I’m expecting three, four weeks and we’re back in action, and that’s a lot better than three or four months.

Um, Mike? I don’t know why you aren’t familiar with how the Cubs do things when discussing injuries to their key players, but they NEVER let on how bad it is right off the bat.  Go ask Kerry.  He’ll tell you how it works.

“It’s a long season, and those two guys will be back to help us.”

That poor bastard.  I think he really believes that.  Mike, do you want me to forward you the noose-tying how-to link when I find it?


About aisle424

I used to write lots of things about the Cubs. Now I sometimes write things about the Cubs.