The Cubs SuperFriends Are Obviously Morans

Any moron would know that the best way to improve the Cubs is to sign Prince Fielder. (Any moron would have known that Albert Pujols was an even more obvious choice.)

Any moron can see that Sean Marshall is the best pitcher in the Cubs bullpen. Some morons would even argue he’s the best pitcher on the whole staff. Even the dumbest of morons knows you don’t trade your best reliever when your next best options are shakier than a sobered up Mickey Rourke.

A zit on the dumbest fan’s ass has enough common sense to know this team needs to improve in every phase of the game to have a shot at contending, so the idea of trading  Sean Marshall, a beacon of consistency in a dark sea of suck, is obviously moronic.

And any idiot could tell you that the free agent pickings become slim after this year. The morons know enough to tell you the recent Cubs drafts won’t improve this team for years. And Todd Ricketts can tell you the Cubs are too big-market to stage a full-on fire sale.

Other things any idiot knows: David DeJesus and Ian Stewart are not the final pieces of anyone’s championship puzzle. The Cubs still suck. The only acquisitions that have gotten any Cubs fans excited this offseason have been guys who cannot play baseball. So . . .why should we be optimistic about this front office if they can’t make moves any moron knows are the right ones?

Well, I’m hoping it’s because they aren’t idiots. I don’t really know why Jed Hoyer and Theo Epstein are making the moves they’re making or why they aren’t making the ones that are obvious to idiots. But I’d like to think they’re doing exactly what they’re being paid to do: think a little bit smarter than those of us who are paying them.

It reminds me of the movie Hoosiers, when Gene Hackman comes into the town barber shop to be greeted by everyone in town who knows exactly what he has to do to win. He walks out fairly quickly because he’s in charge and those people were idiots. So why should the Cubbie Brain Trust respond any differently to us?

That’s not to say it’s dumb to argue. It’s not. The Superfriends aren’t infallible, and I won’t go around telling everyone to shut up and swallow whatever lines Theo and company feed us. But at the same time, the things that appear obvious are the moves any GM or front office executive would make. If we expect the Cubs to compete, not just as a team in 2012 but as a franchise moving forward, we should expect the approach to surprise us every now and then.

That said, 2012 might be another awful year to watch Cubs baseball. I’d be thrilled to be surprisingly wrong. Anytime you want to do something genius, boys, be my guest.


About berselius

We're gonna make it.