How can you tell the difference between our local mainstream media writers and meatball sports radio callers? That’s not the start of a joke, I’m seriously asking.
Obviously, those of us who are even dimly aware of the NFL probably know by now that Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos overcame incredible odds and adversity to defeat the Chicago Bears yesterday. Of course, what actually happened was a sequence of events that were so unlikely that I have to start believing that God actually does prefer Tim Tebow.
I don’t want to rehash them all, but two of the biggest and most inexplicable occurrences involved Marion Barber. First, he ran out of bounds on a second down run that stopped the clock with under two minutes to play. That saved the Broncos about 40 seconds of time that was crucial since they had no timeouts left. Then after allowing the game to be tied, he fumbled after getting into Robbie Gould’s field goal range in overtime.
So he’s a pretty big goat today. Everybody hates Marion Barber. He is getting called all sorts of names by all sorts of people.
Enter the Chicago Tribune to add some perspective to the situation. As a venerable institution of journalism, surely they will raise the level of discourse surrounding a loss that has everybody ranting like a lunatic. Or they’ll drag some innocent schlub who never asked to be famous or infamous back out into the public eye for another round of mocking.
HA HA HA HA HA HA! Get it? Because Marion BARBER sounds very similar to Marion BARTMAN and because Steve Bartman, as a member of the Cubs, once ignored an entire lifetime of coaching and touched a foul ball that was totally catchable by another member of his team, and then he dropped a sure double play ball while playing shortstop. Get it? The two things are TOTALLY THE SAME!
Now, some will say that it’s just a tweet. It isn’t written in the newspaper or anything, so what’s the big deal about mocking a guy who literally has never done anything wrong, but has still had his life threatened by numerous members of our city?
OK, fine. One member of the media lashed out in a heat-of-the-moment situation. Shit happens, right?
Oh good. Validation from another member of the mainstream media. These are guys that mock callers on the radio or fans who blog or tweet their emotions about their favorite teams, and here they are giving the meatballs kindling, lighter fluid, and a flame-thrower to play with. Fantastic. Well played, gentlemen.
But it is still just Twitter. These guys tweet their own feelings and it doesn’t necessarily reflect their positions as journalists or the institutions for which they apply their craft, right?
If Bears running back Marion Bartman, I mean Barber, doesn’t run out of bounds to save the Broncos 35 seconds with two minutes left, Tim Tebow’s time probably would have run out before he could lead a game-tying drive.
So says David Haugh, in his piece that ran in the actual Chicago Tribune. At this point, I don’t know whether I am offended as a sports fan that this is the level of commentary that is being provided by our local writers, or that such a stupid joke was viewed by someone as funny enough to plagiarize from a colleague. Seriously, that joke isn’t exactly “The Seven Dirty Words You Can’t Say on Television” or “Who’s on First.”
If you’re going to publicly trample on a guy who was probably just sitting at home staring at the TV in amazement along with the rest of us, the least you could do is actually be funny and/or original about it. Sadly, that was neither.
But I guess that is just asking too much of the Chicago Enquirer, I mean Tribune, and David Hitler, I mean Haugh. See what I did there?