Paul Sullivan Has A Problem, Pt. ∞

On April 30th, a scant 13 days after an 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 BB, 10K appearance by Carlos Zambrano, Paul Sullivan wrote that Garza was the first Cub to go eight innings that year. We mocked it, but thought nothing of it. Unfortunately, we were asleep on the watch.

Last week, Zambrano again took the mound to great success, but made the mistake of snapping a bat over his knee. Unfortunately, Marmol came in and surrendered more runs than the 1927 Yankees scored, and Z took the ND. Not only did Sullivan allow the bat-breaking to dominate his column, Sullivan systematically went to manager for comment, then to Z, in a move obviously designed to instigate trouble. Luckily, both Z and Quade are adults, which makes them unlike Sullivan, both in terms of height and bearing.  It was passed over, despite Sullivan’s pissing and moaning.

Then, last night, Zambrano again pitched a gem, only to watch it go down the tube thanks to Marmol.  And Z had had enough, and did what team leaders do.

He aired out the motherfuckers he felt weren’t pulling their weight. And here’s what he said:

“The problem wasn’t Pujols,” Zambrano said. ” The problem was the previous at-bat. We should know better than this. We played like a Triple-A team. This is embarrassing, embarrassing for the team, for the owners, for the fans. Embarrassing. That’s the word for this team. We should know better than this, we should know better than we did on the field. We should know that Ryan Theriot is not a good fastball hitter. We should know that as a team. We should play better here. We stink. That’s all I’ve got to say.”

Note the use of the royal “we.” Because Sullivan didn’t.  He immediately went on a Twitter rampage, saying Z threw his mates under the bus, etc.  He then pumped out a column faster than ever, using the lede that Z may have finally run himself out of town.

Because that’s what players do in Chicago. They run themselves out of town. By writing newspaper columns with ad hoc narratives that magnifiy their negative character traits and use them in service of the prejudices of the smarmy dwarf that pens them.

In a brilliant stroke of fate, Sullivan’s machinations blew up right in his puffy, pube-bearded face.  The comments on the online newspaper articles were overwhelmingly in favor of Z taking a stand. The bloggers, even Sullivan’s professed GOOD FRIENDS and, Heaven forfend, Al Yellon, came out in support of Z.  And then it became very apparent what was going on.

One pasty, impotent, half-grown schmuck had been twisting the entire situation to suit his purposes. And he wasn’t done. Not content to spew his particular brand of ignorant bile in print, Sullivan went on TV.  Confronted with the video proof that his in-print allegations of a “rant” and “tirade” by a “screaming” Zambrano were outright lies, what did this puny pundit say?

“The best part of that, I hadn’t seen the clip until right now and like right at the very end, when he’s looking over at Marmol’s locker to make sure that he’s listening and Marmol wasn’t there, obviously. But, he was really shouting at that point in the clubhouse, so that everyone could hear him. And, uh, It was quite a performance. Uh, Z, I mean, uh, you really outdid yourself buddy, good one. “

Confronted with the video proof that what he put in print was a lie, Sullivan not only stuck by his mendacities, he asserted them yet again. 

Look, we’ve extensively catalogued Sullivan’s long train of lies, half-truths, and unprofessionalism. And for that effort, today we feel vindicated.

But not by the fans, who’ve finally realized what Sullivan is up to.

And not by Zambrano, who just continues to roast Sullivan’s doughy hobbit ass.

No, we feel vindicated by Sullivan himself, who, when given the chance to tell the truth, refused, and in refusing to do so proved what we’ve been saying all along: Paul Sullivan is a biased hack who lacks even a shred of journalistic credibility, and who will leave no depth unplmbed in service of the skewed narratives he constructs.

We’ve said it once, and we’ll say it again: between Paul Sullivan and Carlos Zambrano, one them is a solid, decent human being who is good at his job.

And the other one is morally bankrupt fuckwit-for-hire Paul Sullivan.


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