Series Preview: Chicago Cubs (40-57) vs. St. Louis Cardinals (53-46)

The Cubs and Cardinals resume their rivalry while many St. Louis fans are still holding their brooms from last weekend, and not just the witches, maids, and crack addicts. The Cardinals convincingly and effortlessly swept the mini-Bears in a series in which they outscored the Cubs infinity to negative eight. If you want a meaningful, in depth assessment of both teams, I recommend you look at last weekend's preview submitted by Berselius. I'm just here to make up for the lack of inane nonsense this site has suffered through since my last post. So, let's see how the Cubs will manage to sweep this series while maintaining the Cardinals' league-leading run differential inefficacy.

Team Overviews

The Cubs are bad and the Cardinals are good. But if the Cubs' meager offense can somehow crack through the vaunted Cardinal rotation and into their beleaguered bullpen*, this series could go our way, by the power of Reed Johnson, bless thy gritty name. 

​Batman Preferences

David Freese hates the Dark Knight trilogy because of its woeful exclusion of his favorite villain. Alfonso Soriano likes big bats, but his stats don't lie.** 

Random Team Facts

Matt Garza and Ryan Dempster make Matt Garza and Ryan Dempster a Garza Dempster.

Mike Matheny eats pieces of shit like Ryan Theriot for breakfast.

The Cubs will sweep this series because Wrigley Field.

Go Cubs.


*for alliterative purposes#, bullpens are the only thing in baseball that is allowed to be beleaguered

#for alliterative porpoises, squeak, squawk, squack

**that is the worst thing ever written ever