Daily Facepalm 2.24.2012

In Commentary And Analysis, Facepalm by andcounting41 Comments

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Not to Fifty!

Ryan Braun won't have to suffer the loss of 50 games from his life after winning his appeal and seeing his suspension overturned by an arbitor. This sucks for the Cubs and their fellow NL Central teams who don't want to see the Brewers gain the extra 2-3 wins Braun is likely to add to their lineup over a third of a season. But this is great for people who believe in following rules, which I'm pretty sure is most of the people who care about PED testing in the first place . . . in theory, at least.

That's the whole point, right, to follow the rules? If Ryan Braun used steroids, that's cheating, whether it helped him do better or not, yes? And it matters because numbers matter in baseball. And if we can't trust the numbers, we can't really enjoy baseball (a truth sabermetricians and old school record-loving hardliners can agree on . . . or something). So, for the numbers to mean anything, for baseball to feel pure, we have to follow the rules and punish those who don't. MLB didn't.

Braun's sample was collected on Oct. 1, a Saturday and the day the Brewers opened the NL playoffs. The collector did not send the sample to the laboratory until Monday, thinking it would be more secure at home than at a Federal Express office during the weekend.

Baseball's drug agreement states that "absent unusual circumstances, the specimens should be sent by FedEx to the laboratory on the same day they are collected."

So they broke the rules. Granted, keeping Ryan Braun's piss in your fridge is probably tantamount to an unusual circumstance, but the collector, acting as an agent of Major League Baseball, broke the rules. So MLB should be punished, and today they were.

Do we still have reason to suspect that Ryan Braun cheated? Sure. He's a human and a baseball player, and I have my suspicions about that entire lot. Let's not pretend we all trust each other. We don't. That's why we enforce rules about transporting pee-pee. Baseball players don't trust MLB any more than MLB trusts the players. But anyway, the only significant evidence we have that Ryan Braun cheated is a sample we can't trust because it was handled improperly. And nobody wants to mess around with an improperly handled urine sample.

We don't know for sure if Braun's test would have failed. We don't know for sure if he broke the rules (if we didn't have reason to suspect he did break the rules, MLB wouldn't be testing him in the first place . . . they suspect everyone). So right now, we're no further along in the accusatory process than we ever were in Braun's case. Why? Because of what we do know for sure: MLB cheated. They held on to his sample too long. They broke the rules. They lose. They can vehemently disagree with the decision all they want, but they can't disagree with the fact that they broke the rules. If MLB wants to cheat without consequences, I suggest they revisit the 1990s. Or the 1980s. Or the 1970s, '60s, '50s, '40s, '30s, '20s, '10s, or the 1908s. But now that baseball has finally entered an era in which they've decided that cheating should be punished, their disagreement with this decision falls flat.

If you still think Ryan Braun is guilty, I'm going to go ahead and not worry about what's going on in your brain. He maybe cheated. He maybe didn't. I certainly do not care what everyone's guesses are. I'm just glad MLB got screwed for breaking the rules. Like confidentiality. MLB sucks at that one. MLB deserves to see test mishandling and corporate rule-breaking blow up in its face.

That's the crappy thing about being holier-than-thou. It becomes really for fun for all the thous to watch when your holiness get pissed on.

Is there a Cubs game today?

No.

Whitney Houston Performance I Recently Enjoyed

I submit this without irony. Well, not a ton of irony.

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Comments

  2. Mucker

    From the previous thread regarding Svuem breaking Soriano’s habit of watching the ball instead of running out of the box. I don’t understand the Soriano hate of him watching the ball instead of running out of the box. The argument seems to be that he should have a double not a single. I say who cares if he only gets a single instead of a double, it’s not like anybody is going to drive him in anyways.

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  3. Mucker

    MO, do you think the Bears should go hard after V Jax if Whale’s Vagina doesn’t franchise him? Or should they go WR with 1st pick since the WR draft class is pretty deep this year?

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  4. Rice Cube

    @ Mucker:
    Well, at least he got on base.

    I think Sveum did say it was a force of habit for almost all MLB players and it’s not like something that is likely to be fixed with an older player. I guess they will implement a new Cubs Way so even the differently-skinned folks will look gritty and scrappy.

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  5. Mish

    That’s the crappy thing about being holier-than-thou. It becomes really for fun for all the thous to watch when your holiness get pissed on.

    Nice.

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  6. bubblesdachimp

    @ Mucker:

    I am glad you asked Mucker! Was emailing with my cousin this morning and here is what i said:

    I think we need a free agent wideout to go with the high draft pick
    wideout too. I would love help in secondary as well as d line too…
    In a perfect world this si the WR depth chart

    1. Jackson, Colston, Wallace, Bowe (Free agent wideout)
    2. Rookie wideout (Wright, Floyd, Jeffrey)
    3. EB80 (best #3 in the history of football)
    4. Knox
    5. Hester (only in dire situations)

    I would pretty much limit Devin to punts and kickoffs

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  7. Rice Cube

    I find it hilarious that people are freaking out about Ryan Braun exploiting a loophole or getting off on a technicality when, if they were in the same situation and think they are “innocent,” they’d be doing the same thing.

    I don’t know how much of a loophole or technicality it is anyway when there’s like an entire section devoted to proper handling of samples.

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  8. bubblesdachimp

    Bubbles’s main bitch just got mad because his gchat status was Kate Upton dancing…

    Fuck her if she doesnt like it

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  10. Mish

    @ Rice Cube:
    I always stuff like this, whether it be this or something like the Casey Anthony trial. Listening to the masses opine on legal and procedural matters (of which they know close to nothing) when they had their mind made up prior to the decision is always funny.

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  15. Mucker

    @ bubblesdachimp:
    Wallace is a RFA so he’ll cost a first and third rounder most likely, no thanks. Bowe will probably be franchised but I would want him over V Jax and Colson. But V Jax, Colston, or maybe Wayne on a short deal. I’d like to see Alshon Jeffrey or Michael Floyd if they draft. Big physical WR is what the Bears need.

    They need to address the OL and Secondary and possibly RB if Forte doesn’t sign long term.

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  19. Suburban kid

    I’m confused. I thought Braun succeeded in his appeal because he proved the crazy-high testosterone levels had to do with his herpes pills and nothing to do with steroids, not that his piss wasn’t delivered correctly.

    At least, that’s what the Internet was making me infer, even though sexually transmitted viruses were never mentioned in the news articles I read.

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  20. Rice Cube

    @ Suburban kid:
    I’ve never seen a confirmation of the herpes/STD rumor. But from what little I’ve read it seems that Braun showed that the break in the chain of custody (or some such) led to his false positive and was able to reproduce that finding. No clue how, just snippets of information and therefore not enough to really judge on.

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  21. Berselius

    @ Rice Cube:

    The herpes rumor is fun to crack jokes about, but I don’t think there’s much of a chance that it caused a false positive. If you’re going on prescription meds then it should be easy to get a waiver or otherwise account for it. A much different story than Manny’s shady Clomid situation.

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  25. Aisle424

    Last I knew, there was nothing to the herpes story other than rumor. I have not seen one credible source mention it. That doesn’t make it any less fun to make fun of, though.

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  33. Mish

    GBTS wrote:

    The only person who should even think about filing an actual lawsuit is the players union/Ryan Braun for the leaking of the test results.

    THIS

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  37. bubblesdachimp

    Brett Anderson
    ‏ @BrettAnderson49
    Follow

    Manny just asked if I was the video coordinator…our relationship can only go up from here.

    (dying laughing)
    (dying laughing)
    (dying laughing)

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