The Cubs brought their spring training record up to the .500 level with a win against the vaunted Kansas City Royals. Shut up, someone could vaunt about them. But yesterday the main vauntworthy performance came from Jeff Samardzija, who faced just nine batters in three shutout innings in his effort to join the best starting rotation in baseball in Chicago in the National League. Why not? As much as everyone in the universe not named Samardzija would love to see his disconcerting amarous gazes be confined to bullpen warmup balls, what other starting candidate would you be disappointed to see bumped from the rotation? Yeah, the list ends at Garza. This is the year of "Who cares?" Don't let the answer to that question be you.
Video that recently got our hopes up.
When the Cubs win it all, it might look like this, except with more nuclear fallout.
I know. You've seen it already. And yet, you may never see it.
Is the Daily Facepalm daily?
Don't be so literal.
Is there a Cubs game today?
Yes. Against the Mariners at 2:05 CT. You can listen to it.
Line of the Day
I'm sure we'll be seeing more numbers just like this from F7.
Tony Campana was beaten by Steve Clevenger. Not in a brutal nanosophobic assault, but in a bunting contest. You could easily take this news with dismay that the guy whose only hope of reaching base is for the ball to come to rest too far in front of the defenders was ousted in the first round of a don't-hit-the-ball-very-far competition, but I'm choosing to stay positive. The silver lining, if you want to see it, is that the Cubs are loaded with guys who excel at hitting the ball short distances. Tony Campana is just one great bunter on a team full of weak-ass grounders waiting to happen. The excitement rolls on throughout this week as the field of 64 excellent light hitters gets whittled down to one champion of sissy slap ball.
Starlin Has Trust Issues
You've got to be careful, because there's a lot of bad people in this world.
That's Starlin's comment on the accusations of sexual assault levied against him in the offseason. He says he's learned one must be careful who one trusts. And by trusts, I think he means sleeps with anonymously. Yes, Starlin. One ought.
I should give thanks to Paul Sullivan and the rest of the Cub-focused mainstream sports media scribes for churning out lots of stories about the Cubs' hopes of potentially playing baseball someday. It's good to have something to read from someone interviewing the players who profess to play baseball, even if he does ruin his Castro/Sveum lovefest piece with a silly comment about Castro enduring the wrath of Mike Quade. I never saw Mike Quade's goshdarn wrath. I must have missed that, by golly, aw shucks. Still, it's good to know Castro and Sveum are getting along well. Sveum hopes to help the kid shore up his defense a bit.
Sveum recommended that Castro move in on ground balls to give him more time to throw. It seems odd to hear a major league shortstop take this as brilliant advice when the first thing any kid is taught the moment they first start taking grounders in kindergarten park-league is to charge the ball. A lot of times when people talk about fundamentals, we wonder what exactly is considered fundamental. Chances are, if you learned it in first grade. Or on The Baseball Bunch. Either way.
They should just start spring training with episodes of that show.
Do the Cubs have a game today?
No.
Analysis Mish Recently Mocked
Phil Rogers breaks down the Matt Garza trade. Or Phil Rogers just breaks down. I don't know why he continued any further than the fact that the Cubs missed out on the Rays' catch of the year. We've circled the sun, and the Cubs are still Fuldless. Worst. Trade. Every.
Link about Movies I Recently Enjoyed
Joe Posnanski tweeted a link to this proposed viewing order of the Star Wars saga, especially helpful for introducing the series to Star Wars virgins (this term has the potential to be equal parts ironic and redundant). After just witnessing the 3-D debacle of Episode I, I have to agree with the machete proposal: IV, V, II, III, VI. Check it out. It's some compelling reasoning, even for folks like berselius who deny the existence of the prequels.
Ryan Braun won't have to suffer the loss of 50 games from his life after winning his appeal and seeing his suspension overturned by an arbitor. This sucks for the Cubs and their fellow NL Central teams who don't want to see the Brewers gain the extra 2-3 wins Braun is likely to add to their lineup over a third of a season. But this is great for people who believe in following rules, which I'm pretty sure is most of the people who care about PED testing in the first place . . . in theory, at least.
That's the whole point, right, to follow the rules? If Ryan Braun used steroids, that's cheating, whether it helped him do better or not, yes? And it matters because numbers matter in baseball. And if we can't trust the numbers, we can't really enjoy baseball (a truth sabermetricians and old school record-loving hardliners can agree on . . . or something). So, for the numbers to mean anything, for baseball to feel pure, we have to follow the rules and punish those who don't. MLB didn't.
Braun's sample was collected on Oct. 1, a Saturday and the day the Brewers opened the NL playoffs. The collector did not send the sample to the laboratory until Monday, thinking it would be more secure at home than at a Federal Express office during the weekend.
Baseball's drug agreement states that "absent unusual circumstances, the specimens should be sent by FedEx to the laboratory on the same day they are collected."
So they broke the rules. Granted, keeping Ryan Braun's piss in your fridge is probably tantamount to an unusual circumstance, but the collector, acting as an agent of Major League Baseball, broke the rules. So MLB should be punished, and today they were.
Do we still have reason to suspect that Ryan Braun cheated? Sure. He's a human and a baseball player, and I have my suspicions about that entire lot. Let's not pretend we all trust each other. We don't. That's why we enforce rules about transporting pee-pee. Baseball players don't trust MLB any more than MLB trusts the players. But anyway, the only significant evidence we have that Ryan Braun cheated is a sample we can't trust because it was handled improperly. And nobody wants to mess around with an improperly handled urine sample.
We don't know for sure if Braun's test would have failed. We don't know for sure if he broke the rules (if we didn't have reason to suspect he did break the rules, MLB wouldn't be testing him in the first place . . . they suspect everyone). So right now, we're no further along in the accusatory process than we ever were in Braun's case. Why? Because of what we do know for sure: MLB cheated. They held on to his sample too long. They broke the rules. They lose. They can vehemently disagree with the decision all they want, but they can't disagree with the fact that they broke the rules. If MLB wants to cheat without consequences, I suggest they revisit the 1990s. Or the 1980s. Or the 1970s, '60s, '50s, '40s, '30s, '20s, '10s, or the 1908s. But now that baseball has finally entered an era in which they've decided that cheating should be punished, their disagreement with this decision falls flat.
If you still think Ryan Braun is guilty, I'm going to go ahead and not worry about what's going on in your brain. He maybe cheated. He maybe didn't. I certainly do not care what everyone's guesses are. I'm just glad MLB got screwed for breaking the rules. Like confidentiality. MLB sucks at that one. MLB deserves to see test mishandling and corporate rule-breaking blow up in its face.
That's the crappy thing about being holier-than-thou. It becomes really for fun for all the thous to watch when your holiness get pissed on.
Is there a Cubs game today?
No.
Whitney Houston Performance I Recently Enjoyed
I submit this without irony. Well, not a ton of irony.
Take a look at the headlines at cubs.com. Truly scintillating.
Trey McNutt is willing to not pitch. Outstanding. Jeff Samardzija is ready to be a meaningful part of the Cubs' fate this year, no matter what he has to do. Hooray. Sean Marshall is gone, sure, but don't fear, fans. James Russell is ready to step in. Replace one guy with two first names with another, it's as simple as that. Those headlines not enough to get you excited about the official return of pitchers and catchers? I'm glad you saved some adrenaline for this one, then. Because there's a bunt tourney going on that will blow your Cub-loving mind. It's fun!
At some point, the Daily Facepalm will be overflowing with actual news about Cubs baseball, but that moment is not now. Theo compensation might be announced sometime before the next World Series parade. There are prospects in the Cubs system who might one day make us something more than depressed to be Cubs fans. The answer to "Is there a Cubs game today?" will one day be yes. But that day is not today.
Today is suck. Today there is no baseball. Tomorrow there will be no baseball. And talking about baseball with no actual baseball being played is a lot like sitting around with a bunch of people talking about Kate Upton when none of those people are named Kate Upton. Baseball is best discussed over actual baseball. Or even recently updated spreadsheets. But this is killing me.
I don't want to hear about what happened one time in bunt camp. I don't want to simulate the joy of baseball with an apple pie. I don't want to discuss Trey McNutt with Stifler's mom. I really just want baseball.
So if someone would please do me the favor of bludgeoning me with a tire iron so that I may black out until actual baseball starts, even if it's desperately wretched losing baseball, I would be most grateful.
Player Recently in the Best Shape of His Life: Carlos Marmol
Carlos Marmol dropped 515 pounds in the offseason. He dropped 15 of his own pounds and he dropped the 500-lb gorilla in his pitching arsenal: his mystifying cutter – not mystifying the way his slider can be (Where did that thing go?), but mystifying like theremake of Footloose (. . . Why?). Dale Sveum and pitching coach Chris Bosio claim to have already worked with him on ways to keep his pitching motion (and hopefully his attempts to frequent the strike zone) under control, and he alluded to the possibility that the cutter could be gone for good. Just the Superfriends being the Superfriends.
The Cubs are introducing dynamic ticket pricing for bleacher tickets this season, which means someone who paid close to $100 for a premier ticket could be sitting right next to someone who paid only $10. This has to hurt bleacher elitists who have been enjoying the country club that is premium bench seating without invasion from the groundlings. Oh, but it should help the Cubs make as much money as possible. I'll let you draw your own conclusions about the merits of a business making money.
We're still on Jorge Soler watch, which I suspect will result in a brand new member of the "Putting Cub in Cuban" club. All the stories supposedly shooting down the van Dyck article suggesting the Cubs have a tentative deal in place basically restate what the original article already said: they can't make the agreement officially official, so officially there's no official deal. That's not a refutation. I highly suspect the Cubs make this deal. But my suspicions are generally highly suspect, so believe what you will.
Cubs' Win-Now Mindset
The Cubs are not focused on the future, despite their obvious focus on the future. Or something. I can't possibly improve on MB's assessment of the Cubs' win-now approach heading into the spring
That’s probably a good philosophy because once spring is over so is the winning.
Dale Sveum is a bit more optimistic, saying the Cubs aren't rebuilding, they're just building. Which essentially means the Cubs aren't deconstructing a dynasty, they're building on a sandlot.
You're killing me, Smalls.
Fukudome —–> White Side of the Rivalry
Kosuke Fukudome is signing with the White Sox for 1 year, $1 million. Cue throngs of incredulous fans wondering how a past-his-prime player could be signed for less money four years after signing for a lot.
Video Aisley Recently Posted about the Cubs' New Spending Tendencies
WGN is having a song-writing contest to find their next rah-rah Cubs tune to play before, after, and during Cubs games and on a nonstop loop inside Judd Sirott's headset. All you have to do is record your song and send an mp3 of it to cubssong@wgnradio.com. If you'd like, I can supply the lyrics, and you can be in charge of the music. Here goes:
See the runner in his stance
See him gunned down where he stands
TOOTBLAN
Was he running on his own?
How'd he get picked off at home?
TOOTBLAN
TOOTBLAN
Cubbies need a better plan
Save me.
Play on W-G-N
Save me
Save me
Come on don't get thrown out
Come on don't get thrown out
Come on don't get thrown out
Come on. Come on. (Santo: Oh, Come ON)
Hey, Chicago, say again Cubs are never gonna win TOOTBLAN
You don't even have to pay me. You only have til February 29, so get cracking.
Theo Compensation Coming Soon: Not a Rumor
I have a source that says the compensation from the Cubs to the Red Sox for Theo coming from the Red Sox to the Cubs will come from Bud Selig's ruffled lips to our tingling ears before spring training begins. Oh goodie. I bet it will be Kerry Wood.
The Rebuilding Process Will Be Televised
The Cubs announced their broadcast schedule for the 2012 season. Opening day is April 5 on WGN. 1:20. Be there. Or don't bother being there, it will be on TV.
Will Ferrell introduces the Bulls and Hornets starting lineups. It's pretty funny. Especially because Carlos Boozer most certainly does still live with his parents.
With Fukudome now saving face in free agency, Tony Campana has claimed the number 1 spot in the jersey lottery. Still think he should be wearing 5/8, but whatevs. In other numerical reassignments, Matt Garza has changed from 17 to 22, apparently to match the regularly changing arbitration numbers that have since been rendered moot. And Jason Jaramillo will try to earn his dinner wearing Carlos Zambrano's old 38. Isn't this exciting?
Photographic Evidence of Baseball
Tim Sheridan is the Cubs sprint training P.A. announcer, and he posts regularly over at Boys of Spring. He usually gets plenty of good shots of mediocre players, and the images of spring training have already started to pour in as players show up to camp early. David DeJesus,Josh Vitters, Jeff Samardzija, Darwin Barney, and all their scrappy friends have begun working out and are, by the looks of it, in the best shape of their lives. Here's a shot of Kim DeJesus's husband:
Is There a Cubs Game Today?
Nope.
Tweettastic
The #Cubs grabbing Adrian Cardenas off waivers just proof how easy it was to replace D.J. LeMahieu. The question unanswered is why you would
I hope you're happy, beat writers. I hope you find some sick pleasure in running another Cubs legend out of town by crucifying him with broken prose. Maybe you live in some alternate universe where it's okay to violate a man's privacy and print things like his baseball stats and the lack of influence he has on a team's ability to win, but I expect better from the society I live in. But my own values of treating others with dignity and grace have no consequence in the cutthroat media machine in Chicago. Nope. Blake DeWitt is no longer a Chicago Cub. Well, technically he was designated for assignment, but we all know what that means: banished from the hallowed halls of Wrigley because theTribune, the Sun Times, the Daily Herald, Fangraphs, Baseball Reference, Yahoo! Sports, Sports Illustrated, ESPN, and other sour-hearted media bullies of their ilk carried out their vendetta against another hardworking go-getter. They all apparently feel entitled to print whatever they want about the man, no matter who it hurts, no matter how deep the blade of reckless truth may cut.
What really sickens me is that the Cubs are trashing him as well. In their official press release, they pull no punches. The weak of stomach are advised to turn away:
DeWitt, 26, batted .265 (61-for-230) with 11 doubles, five home runs and 26 RBI in 121 games with the Cubs last year, his first full season with the club after being acquired from the Dodgers on July 31, 2010. He is a career .260 hitter (283-for-1,087) in 404 major league games with the Dodgers (2008-10) and the Cubs (2010-present).
The man has a family. Have these people no decency? How is DeWitt supposed to find a job when his former team spews bile about his personal performance? Disgusting. I can only hope the team, the media, and fellow Cubs fans can learn their lesson, finally, that it does no one any good to pay attention to how well any of these players do on the field. That's not what this is about. It's about heart, and I'm pretty sure Blake DeWitt has one. I wish I could say the same thing about everyone in Chicago.
Mike Quade had his fishing interrupted by Daryl Van Schouen of the Sun Times, so naturally he was in a less than fantastic mood. It appears the dearth of news has hit Chicago's sportswriters like the economy has hit first-half America (we can relate, Daryl), so the Sun Times went fishing for a story and found one in Quade's perception of what Dale Sveum said in his opening presser (ZOMDR, no he DID'N!!!!1FUKUDOME!). It was a pretty benign reaction, all things considered, but it did include this quintessential Quade complimentary insult:
“I thought [Aramis] Ramirez gave a helluva effort last year. Maybe because it was contract year, I don’t know.’’
I don't really care. It's harmless. It's just nice to churn up some fake drama when nothing else is going on.
Hey, Schilling, what do you say? The Cubs are gonna win someday.
Curt Schilling has his money on the Cubs. Eventually. In an interview with Waddle & Silvy on Friday (podcast stream, download), Schilling gave his endorsement of his former GM and said that Theo Epstein would lead the Cubs to the promised land in the next five to ten years, especially if that doesn't wind up being the length of Starlin Castro's prison sentence. Schilling said:
He understands the human element to this. A lot of what I learned from and about Theo I've taken into my company and tried to help my company grow. Theo gets it, and it's not lost on the people who played for him. He's the only general manager I ever played around who fit into the clubhouse. That's a very dangerous thing for general managers, especially if they don't fit. He was always welcome. He's a very smart guy.
The prediction isn't worth much, but it's interesting that for all the talk about Epstein's approach to stats, one of his former players isolated his understanding of the human element of team management as a key component of his success.
Is There a Cubs Game Today?
No.
Photo I Recently Enjoyed
h/t to Aisley
Commercial I recently hated
A lot of people went on and on about how awesome this commercial was. It made zero sense to me. What the hell is "Halftime in America" supposed to mean? Clint Eastwood, yay! America, yay! Let's unite as one, yay! Engines roaring, stirring music, if Detroit can do it so can we, yay, yay, YAYYYYY!!!!
So we're ready for the second half. We're ready for America to end. We're gonna win. Gritty voice. So many people said they felt chills. I felt so completely cold and turned off, I had to check the mirror to make sure I wasn't Ann Coulter. Aaaand /rant.
