Author: andcounting

Daily Facepalm Returns with a Fiery Vengeance

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Cubs and Matt Garza Agree to Terms

It's no longterm contract extension, but the Cubs are tweeting that they've agreed to terms for 2012 with Matt Garza, thereby sticking it to the arbitor. Hurrah.

 

 

Yet Another Cuban Not Named Mark

The Cubs signed the Cuban kid Gerardo Concepcion. You can read all about reading about him here. 

 

Cubs' Blatant Neglect of Asia Continues

I don't know what the Cubs bother searching for talent anywhere but the Pacific Rim and Finland, but apparently there's some desire to recruit and foster talent in the Dominican Republic despite the shame Sammy Sosa brought us. Aisley says it makes him slightly less angry that Mark Cuban doesn't own the Cubs. I don't get it.

Video I Enjoyed Recently

I was told I remind someone of the honey badger. Okay. 

UPDATE: Is There a Cubs Game Today?

No.

Daily Facepalm 1-31-12: Um . . .

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UPDATE: Yankees Hire Jim Hendry

According to Bruce Levine, the New York Yankees have hired Jim Hendry as special assistant to Brian Cashman. Good news, Yankees. there will always be doughnuts. 

LOOGY

The Cubs signed ex-everything left-handed reliever Trever Miller to a minor league contract, and he'll be yet another non-roster invitee to spring training. Just to give you an idea how highly coveted he is, Miller pitched for three teams last season. The Cardinals, Blue Jays, and Red Sox all celebrated Miller time last year, and let's hope the Cubs join that party. Man, 2015 can't get here fast enough.

Thread-hijacking Topic I Recently Enjoyed

If you missed it in the comments yesterday, Fangy inquired about the polymerization process in cast-iron cookery, sparking an enthralling conversation amongst the seasoned veterans of ferrous food prep. While MO argued that intimate relations with flaxseed oil weren't worth the cost and RC's food storage methods seemed both anal and unorthodox, the discussion was pretty informative about cleaning and seasoning and the science involved in the cooking process. Among the gems is Fangy's conclusion that the answer to their question is as elusive as a definitive defensive metric: 

Eh, I don’t think the catalyst is that important, actually. The catalysts they used in the experiment were cobalt, zirconium, and calcium, and they were mixed into the oil before applying it to steel. When they use the catalysts, the polymerization starts at like 90C. I think that stuff would be in hardware-grade linseed oil but not food-safe flaxseed oil.

I do get the impression that nobody out there really understands the seasoning process completely, so everybody is just muddling through with whatever their granny used. There’s plenty of “success” stories, but they all contradict each other, and nobody seems to be too confident about the science behind it, on the web at least.

Cool story, bros.

Is There a Cubs Game Today?

No.

Someone Please Make This

I don't always do the Super Bowl party thing. I'd really rather watch it at home with my family than with a ton of people who may or may not be interested in football or commercials or pretending to listen to me talk about the Cubs. But if someone made this, I'd probably be there:

A stadium made of cold cuts

DFP 1-12-30: He Saw It All

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In Peace

One of the last living witnesses to the Cubs dynasty bids us farewell

Henry Widegren was the rarest of Cubs fans. A lot of people can say they’re the biggest fan or the craziest fan or the fan least likely to succeed (I’m not sure why people would say such things, but they can without any real basis for dispute), but Henry could boast of something few people alive can compare with: he lived to see the Cubs win the World Series. Granted, he wasn’t even a year old, but he was alive when it happened. Sadly, the list of living witnesses to the Cubs’ championship years has decreased by one. Henry passed away at the age of 104. It seems like he lived a long and happy life. But today’s facepalm has begun as depressing as hell. Who’s ready for baseball?

Bid Selif

I know the recent quotes from Bud Selig about the Cubs/Red Sox compensation are old news, but this Trib article is a must read simply for the typos. Great galloping Gallardos, there’s some good stuff in there.

Is There a Cubs Game Today?

No.

Tweetastic

I’m not even making fun of this tweet. I admire the ludicrous optimism. If one must be optimistic, one should take it to the extreme.

Reader Photo of the Day

Thanks to Josh for posting photos of his recent meetup with MO, SK, Ryno, RC, and Mish.

Josh and the guys chillin' after the big "game"

DFP: The Friday Five, 1-27-12

 

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Top Ten Signs the Cubs Might Contend This Year

The Cubs aren’t that good. They were bad last year, and they haven’t taken any dramatic steps forward this offseason. They haven’t even taken very many marginally impressive steps forward. Baby steps maybe? LMFAO shuffling steps, perhaps, but this train ain’t pulling out of Losing-Season Station anytime soon. Case in point: there is no news to report today. Nothing of note. The Friday Facepalm is going to be pretty short, unlike the odds of the Cubs contending.

The few good things that have happened have involved the Cubs’ competition. Albert Pujols is gone. Prince Fielder is gone. Ryan Braun may miss 50 games. The Astros have an identity crisis, and the Pirates are the Pirates. And, oh yeah, the Reds. Well, here are a few other developments that, if they should happen, would point to the Cubs having a chance at contending thanks to addition by infarction:

10. Asteroid hits Cincy.

9. Ryan Braun syphilis rumors turn out to be true and rambunctious shower incident on 3-for-1 cocktail night wreaks havoc on the Brewers’ collective ability to walk.

8. Everyone who believes in Cubbies claps their hands and makes a wish and clicks their heels together three times and maybe stabs random members of NL Central opponents.

7. Your mom.

6. Ronnie Woo Woo changes name to Ronnie Voo Doo.

5. Pack of rabid dogs occupy visitor clubhouse at Wrigley.

4. Mayan calendar magically turns into a W flag.

3. You just woke up from a coma to find this year is actually 2018.

2. Dude, I’m having a hell of a time thinking of ten things, even impossible things, that could allow the Cubs to contend.

1. Every single game: Metamucil in the other guys’ Gatorade.

WTF

Wrigley Talk Friday with Aisley, ACey, and Julie allegedly airs today at 1:00 CT. No idea what we could talk about. None.

Is there a Cubs game today?

No.

DFP: Brett’s Number 5

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Cinco City

Brett Jackson looking pleased with Brett Jackson

Brett Jackson is the number 5 OF prospect in all of baseball, according to MLB.com's rankings. MLB.com also ranked two guys in the Cubs system, newly acquired Anthony Rizzo and Dan Vogelbach, as the number 1 and number 10 1B prospects. In related news: MLB is ranking prospects. Of what value is this to anyone beyond good PR?

As Seen on Twitter

 

I haven't caught up on the transaction wire. Has this move been finalized yet?

Elsewhere

Yu Darvish took his sweet, lusty eyelashes to Arlington. He also said that he wants people to eventually grow to think of him as the greatest pitcher in the world. He really should have come to the Cubs if he wanted fans to expect that. Fangraphs has fantasy advice for all things nocturnally Yu.

Is There a Cubs Game Today?

No.

Photo Rumors

Prince Fielder as a Cub

Prince looks slimmer and a bit rough around the pixels in pinstripes. But this too obviously happened.

Worth Watching

Again, h/t to MO:

Punctuation Spotlight

Daily Facepalm

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New Feature

Since the proliferation of blogworthy Cubs news and content seemingly never ceases to exceed the capacity of this blog and threatens to overwhelm the bandwidth of even the most casual Cubs fan, we here at the Obstructed View corporate offices decided it was time to have a daily dump of Cubs crap bulletin of Cubs-related goodness and general profane interweb linkage. You know, for the people who don't have time to read the vast prolific tomes of Hobbiton and pioneer new memes springing up from the Forest of Gif. So without further ado, welcome to the Daily Facepalm. We hope you hate it less than silence.

2012 Cubs Spring Training Broadcast Schedule

On March 4, you can hear the Cubs play the A's on mlb.com. Not that this or any of the other games on the relatively recently released broadcast schedule will count, but for the first inning or so, it will feel like baseball is back. The first televised game will be March 10 on WGN. The revolution will be available only to Gameday subscribers.

Best Shape of His Life Spotlight, Muay Thai Edition

Marlon Byrd is in the best shape of his life thanks to his extensive Muay Thai training and a new diet designed to accomodate his newly discovered allergies to wheat and milk. Not only can we expect a quicker, faster Marlon, but we can now rest assured that he will no longer get bullied by the likes of Tony Campana and Kim DeJesus.

Tweet Lovin'

Yup. Someone said that.

Discredited in Pictures

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Jason Jaramillo signed a minor league contract with the Cubs and hopes to fill the thumbless glove of Koyie Hill. Feel free to come up with a fitting caption for this shot. (Jose M. Osorio / Chicago Tribune)

Is There A Cubs Game Today?

No.

Random Comment Gold

Fact: South Carolina wants the Assistant to the Regional Manager to run this country. h/t to MO

The Twelve Days of Cubsmas

On the first day of Cubsmas, my Theo gave to me . . .

12daysofCubsmas1

A non-tendered thumbless Koyie.

 

On the second day of Cubsmas, my Theo gave to me . . .

12daysofCubsmas2

Two who are those guys, and a non-tendered thumbless Koyie.

On the third day of Cubsmas, my Theo gave to me . . .

12daysofCubsmas3Three ex-Cub champions, two non-game changers, and a non-tendered thumbless Koyie.

On the fourth day of Cubsmas, my Theo gave to me . . . 

12daysofCubsmas4

Four tenths of a win, three ex-Cub champions, two guys I had to google, and a non-tendered thumbless Koyie.

On the fifth day of Cubsmas, my Theo gave to me . . . 

12daysofCubsmas5

Five Super Friends! Four tenths of a win, three ex-Cub champions, two oh you’re still theres, and a non-tendered thumbless Koyie.

On the sixth day of Cubsmas, my Theo gave to me . . . 

12daysofCubsmas6

Six Garzas garzing, five Super Friends! Four tenths of a win, three ex-Cub champs, two future trivia answers, and a non-tendered thumbless Koyie.

On the seventh day of Cubsmas, my Theo gave to me . . . 

12daysofCubsmas7

Seven Sorianos swinging, six Garzas garzing, five Super Friends! Four tenths of a win, three ex-Cub champs, two changes of scenery, and a non-tendered thumbless Koyie.

On the eighth day of Cubsmas, my Theo gave to me . . .

12daysofCubsmas8

Eight years til we’ll be contending, seven Sorianos swinging, six Garzas garzing, five Super Friends! Four tenths of a win, three ex-Cub champs, two guys with hot wives, and a non-tendered thumbless Koyie.

On the ninth day of Cubsmas, my Theo gave to me . . . 

12daysofCubsmas9

Nine nuts a Sveuming, eight years til contending, seven Sorianos swinging, six Garzas leaving, five Super Friends! Four tenths of a win, three ex-Cub champs, two it just might works, and a non-tendered thumbless Koyie.

On the tenth day of Cubsmas, my Theo gave to me . . . 

12daysofCubsmas10

Ten Santos clicking, nine nuts a Sveuming, eight years til contending, seven Sorianos swinging, six Garzas flipped for prospects, five Super Friends! Four tenths of a win, three ex-Cub champs, two plus defenders, and a non-tendered thumbless Koyie.

On the eleventh day of Cubsmas, my Theo gave to me . . . 

12daysofCubsmas11

Eleven c-list conductors, ten Santos clicking, nine nuts a Sveuming, eight years til contending, seven Sorianos swinging, six Garza rumors, five Super Friends! Four tenths of a win, three ex-Cub champs, two scruffy beards, and a non-tendered thumbless Koyie.

On the twelfth day of Cubsmas, my Theo gave to me . . . 

12daysofCubsmas12

Twelve Princes Fielding, eleven c-listers conducting, ten Santos clicking, nine nuts a Sveuming, eight years til dynasty, seven Sorianos swinging, six Garzas winning somewhere else, five Super Friends! Four tenths of a win, three ex-Cub champs, two guys with two first names, and a non-tendered thumbless Koyie.

Merry Christmas, everybody. And Happy Next Year. 

Continue reading “The Twelve Days of Cubsmas”

How I learned to stop worrying and love the big contract

Alfonso Soriano‘s contract was an idiotic move that sank the Cubs into an economic impasse. I’d like to congratulate myself officially for expressing that sentiment for the 1 billionth time. While the confetti falls and the celebratory fireworks explode, I just want to point out one problem with that notion that fuels so many protests from those who think acquiring Prince Fielder (or any big name player commanding a big budget contract) is an equally insane idea: it’s a big fat load of wrong that makes Prince look svelte. Or it’s a little off. Exaggeration sells papers.

The main point I want to make is that Alfonso Soriano’s contract did exactly what the people who concocted it wanted it to do: it drove up the value of the Chicago Cubs and Wrigley Field.

Forget about Jim Hendry and Jon McDonough. The Tribune Co. was in bad shape as the 2007 season approached. Sam Zell took over ownership of the media giant and accumulated a $13 billion debt. They filed for bankruptcy protection in 2008, and the one part of the company that wasn’t affected was the Chicago Cubs. At least they weren’t affected directly. The team was the Tribune’s most marketable commodity, and the Soriano deal (and the other parts of the spending spree that helped make the 2007 Cubs contenders) helped make them look like even more of a prize.
Continue reading “How I learned to stop worrying and love the big contract”

Theo’s First Mistake

It’s still really early in the Era of the Super Friends, so the opportunities for Theo and the Wonder Twins to screw up have been minimal so far. Maybe you disagreed with the firing of Quade (you should open your mouth a little wider when you speak). You weren’t alone if you wished Ryne Sandberg would have gotten another shot at prolonged rejection (thanks for picking us up, Cardinals). Maybe you think his biggest mistake was accepting the job in the first place (thank God for lapses in judgment). But all that aside, I’m wondering what his first mistake is likely to be. As usual, I came up with nonsense.

Clone Zambrano. It’s a typical mistake of smart people. He’ll work so hard to see if he could do it, he won’t stop to think if he should.

Cancel the 7th Inning Stretch guest conductor. Yeah, it sounds like an easy way to get rid of Jim Belushi and random American Idol castoffs, but the next thing you know we’ll all be singing Neil Diamond.

Physical contact with Ronnie Woo Woo Wickers.  Okay, I guess we should retitle this post “Theo’s Second Mistake.”

Stage a military offensive across Eastern Russia. Let’s not repeat Dallas Green’s undoing.

Bring back Koyie Hill. The Cubs used to win every game Koyie Hill played. Apparently it’s no longer funny enough to incapacitate the other team with laughter, so it’s probably time to find a new gimmick.

Compare anyone to Hitler. Seriously, no matter how funny you think it’s going to be, this never works out.

Establish a closer by committee. It’s not that this can’t work, it’s just that it makes it very difficult to focus our game-ending outrage. Fan angst is all about memes these days, and if it’s a different guy blowing the 9th-inning lead the Cubs manage to get every few days, the consistency of our rants will be way off. I can see this one happening though, for sure.

Hit Reply All. There are a lot of Super Friends. They don’t all want to hear everyone’s availability for the holiday party.

Keep playing “Go Cubs Go” after every win. Maybe Theo’s a bit of a traditionalist, but isn’t it time we switched to something a little more current like “Men in Blue”?

Wander into the left field bleachers. Whatever Ricketts tells you the surprise is, don’t buy it. It’s a trap. (This one’s probably inevitable.)

Make eye contact across the center trough. Rookie mistake. Might not happen first, but it’ll happen. And then, for some fan, the Theo era will be incurably awkward.

Flip him for Ricky Nalasco. Doesn’t matter who “him” is. Don’t. Just . . . don’t.

Do a musical episode. And while we’re at it, no clip shows either. 

Try to rank the seasons of The Jack Benny Show. That list is set in stone.

Leave his wing man. It’s not your flying. It’s your attitude.

8 years, $136 million. . . . yeah.

Continue reading “Theo’s First Mistake”