Andrew Cashner and Randy Wells continue to work their way back from shoulder and forearm injuries, respectively. They took a step forward today throwing from 90 feet off flat ground.
CHICAGO — Cubs pitchers Randy Wells and Andrew Cashner both threw from 90 feet on flat ground Wednesday as they continued their rehabs.
Cashner is on the disabled list because of a strained right rotator cuff, while Wells has a strained right forearm. There is no timetable for their returns.
“All is good,” said Cubs manager Mike Quade, who joked with the pair about being “payroll bandits.”
Payroll bandits? They’re making league minimum.
Comments
Maybe the joke got lost in the retelling.
AndCountingQuote Reply
Could be, AC. That makes sense.
mb21Quote Reply
Or it could have just been a blatantly stupid thing to say. (dying laughing)
AndCountingQuote Reply
Either way, it’s really odd to see a joke referenced and not quoted in an article like that. It’s like this:
AndCountingQuote Reply
I’m guessing you were right at first. It’s just too stupid to not be something meant to be funny. (dying laughing)
mb21Quote Reply
Agreed. Muskat is really good at collecting quotes, but she didn’t get to the bottom of this very important issue.
mb21Quote Reply
I really want to hear the joke in its entirety. I want to know if Quade referred to them as the Soriano brothers. (dying laughing)
AndCountingQuote Reply
I doubt it was a joke told to the media, but more a clubhouse thing.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=AndCounting]I really want to hear the joke in its entirety. (dying laughing)[/quote]
A family walks into a talent agency. It’s a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, “We have a really amazing act. You should represent us.”
The agent says, “Sorry, I don’t represent family acts. They’re a little too cute.”
The mother says, “Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us.”
The agent says, “OK. OK. I’ll take a look.”
“First I come out, wearing a tuxedo, playing Brahms. Just as the music reaches a crescendo, my wife in an evening gown runs on stage and undresses me before dancing provocatively on top of the piano.
Just as I finish playing the song with my cock, my wife strips and does a backflip off the piano in a split on stage. Once her naked ass hits the floor, my 7 year old daughter and 13 year old son rush on stage juggling flaming lawn darts. My wife does a handstand and catches the lawn darts in her cunt, she then manages to queef them out, making her the third part of this juggling act.
The queefs force her to squeeze out a few turds, which I eagerly start smearing on my naked body, which arouses me quickly. Once I’m fully aroused my daughter and son take turns blowing me while my wife straps on a monstrous dildo and begins reaming each child while i ejaculate in the eyes of my offspring.
Once I cum, I run into the audience, shit-covered body still sticky with cum and grab my parents and in-laws to involve them into the act. I strip them all nude and instruct them to start a circle jerk while screaming racial slurs. So my mother and father-in-law start screaming, “Fuck the niggers” while mutually masturbating, and my father and mother-in-law begin diddling one another and chanting, “I hate spics and jews!” Once they reach a geriatric climax, my wife uses their ejaculate to lube up her fist which she uses to start fisting me.
As my asshole is violated, I start playing double dutch with my kids, and once they get tangled in the ropes, start a torrid 69. All the sucking and slurping cause my in-laws and parents to get aroused again and they start sodomizing and fisting one another.
My wife at this point has completely started dry-heaving, so she vomits all over my ass and my back. I line up each of my family members who take turns licking the chunks of spew off my back and out of my ass.
By now my children have to defecate so I tell them to shit in each other’s favorite orifices. My son, ever the trooper takes a thick, dense shit in his sister’s vagina while my daughter shits in my son’s nose.
My young daughter also conveniently starts her menstrual cycle shortly thereafter, and the menses and boy-shit in her cunt make for great lube, as each of my in-laws begin fucking my daughter. My son, blinded in shit, heads back to the piano and does his best Stevie Wonder impression while my wife runs back into the audience to grab a toddler from the crowd.
She begins stuffing this child into her vagina, while my parents begin screaming how she’s possessed by Satan and start performing a nude exorcism on her. The power of christ compels them to kill the toddler, which also makes it easier to cram into my wife’s lovehole.
By now, I’m so horny and aroused that I start fucking the dead baby inside my wife while my young son starts licking my asshole and fingering his paternal grandparents. My in-laws finish abusing my daughter and start wrestling each other, which culminates in a huge powerbomb through the piano bench. The impact shatters my mother-in-law’s hips, leaving her crippled.
The strain of the throw caused my father’s bad heart to seize, and he collapses in a heap on the stage. As he gurgles and foams at the mouth, my daughter runs over and begins rubbing her shit covered pussy lips all over my crippled mother-in-law.
My wife grabs the wooden shards of the piano bench and begins playing her father’s dying body like a xylophone. My son pulls his tongue out of my asshole and begins sucking his dying grandfather’s cock.
I diall 911 and call for the paramedics who revive my father-in-law and then take turns fucking my daughter and eating the menses and shit out of her tight cunt.
Once he’s conscious we all assemble in a large circle holding hands and chanting gibberish before launching into a rousing group impression of ‘A Downs Syndrome’ perspective on the horrors of the holocaust, 9/11 and the bombing of Pearl Harbor.
As we’re moaning and screaming, my son runs off-stage to get the family dog. The dog runs over to my crippled mother-in-law and begins peeing on her. Once the dog finishes leaving her in a puddle of piss, my daughter stops blowing the paramedics to light the dog on fire.
The dog yelps and howls before collapsing. My son runs over to fuck the burnt corpse while screaming, “White is right!”as my daughter begins goose-stepping around the stage, squeezing shit out of her cunt and offering Nazi salutes to the audience.
My father-in-law begins raping my father, claiming that he’s doing it for the forgotten Vietnam vets and POWs. My mother puts my crippled mother-in-law on her shoulders as I put my wife on my shoulders and we play a game of naked chicken.
Once my son finishes fucking the dead dog. He takes the pieces of the piano bench and begins crucifying the corpse. Once the dog is hung like jesus, he begins weeping at the foot of the cross, saying, “Why my god have you forsaken me?”
My daughter mounts the top of the crucifix, using it as a wooden dildo. My parents, my in-laws and my wife join hands at the center of the stage and start singing “The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of Music”
I grab the lawn darts and shove one up everyone’s ass before heading back to the piano to finish off the show with a rendition of Freebird.”
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, “That’s a hell of an act. What do you call it?”
And the father says, “The Payroll Bandits!”
Aisle424Quote Reply
(dying laughing) (dying laughing) (dying laughing)
mb21Quote Reply
(dying laughing)
Suburban kidQuote Reply
(dying laughing)
WaLi2Quote Reply
I call bullshit. Muskat would have quoted that.
AndCountingQuote Reply
http://www.aristocratsjokes.com/
Aisle424Quote Reply