March came in like a lion with a bunch of errors and a dugout fight, and went out like a lamb, or as it is otherwise known, Koyie Hill’s batting average.
So let’s just get right to:
March 2011: Lot’s of Losing and Discord Not Involving Carlos Zambrano
March 1 – Ryan Dempster makes his Cactus League debut by going 3 innings, and giving up one run, two hits and a walk. He also juggled three rubber chickens, made four separate dick jokes, and did about 30 seconds of his impression of Will Ferrell doing his impression of Harry Caray.
March 2 – The frustration of 14 errors in the first four Spring games boils to the surface when Aramis Ramirez and Carlos Silva get into a fight in the dugout after an inning featuring 3 of those 14 errors. The Chicago media is quick to point out that Carlos Zambrano was not involved just so they could get more traffic from people Googling “Zambrano fight.”
March 3 – The Cubs hold a team meeting the day after the Silva/Ramirez/not Zambrano fight to talk about their feelings or some shit.
March 3 – Carlos Zambrano throws three shutout innings despite being very fatigued from not participating in the dugout skirmish.
March 4 – Matt Garza is drilled in the back by a line drive that was not hit by Carlos Zambrano.
March 5 – The Cubs reveal that Jeff Samardzija is being considered only for a bullpen spot, and not a starting spot, disappointing everyone who had hoped he wouldn;t be considered for any spot at all.
March 8 – The Cubs losses piled up so much in the Spring that Fernando Perez got a standing ovation after stealing a base with the score tied 13-13 in the 9th inning. This was unfortunately the highlight of Fernando Perez’s season.
March 8 – Bud Selig can’t help but be disappointed in Marlon Byrd’s relationship with Victor Conte despite Carlos Zambrano not being involved. Byrd responds with one of the greatest quotes I’ve ever read from an athlete: “We talked about it in 2009. I mean, it’s 2011.”
March 10 – Mike Quade implies that 25-year old veteran, Blake Dewitt, may not necessarily be the Cubs’ starting second baseman, giving rise to the prospect of Darwinning with 25-year old youngster, Darwin Barney.
March 11 – The Cubs make their first roster cuts and since they can’t cut everybody, they settle on cutting John Gaub and Esmailin Caridad.
March 12 – Koyie Hill got a hit. It was his first hit of the Spring. It was also his last. I’m not even fucking joking. He finished with a .031 batting average.
March 14 – Braden Looper makes it clear that if he doesn’t make the Cubs roster, he will retire and go back to his family rather than head to the minors or scrounge for another team to sign him. SPOILER: Braden Looper has been spending a lot of time this year with his family.
March 14 – Carlos Pena takes a side job as a writer for Vine Line to make a little extra pocket money. At least, that is what I assume when I see quotes like this:
‘‘This would seem more feasible,’’ Pena said. ‘‘For us to win this division and go forth to the World Series, this is more [feasible]. This team is extremely talented, and obviously we have what it takes. In Tampa, it didn’t seem like we did — and then we did it.”
March 17 – John Grabow returned from shoulder tightness I forgot to mention in the February roundup because it doesn’t matter.
March 18 – Casey Coleman deletes his Twitter account after constant harassment from Al Yellon asking him if he knows who owns the Cubs.
March 21 – Jeff Baker states that he believes he can be the everyday second baseman and that he can hit right-handers. He also believes his mother was a virgin when he was born.
March 21 – Carlos Zambrano hosts a Homerun Derby to raise money for the Boys & Girls Club and the Hope of Life Foundation, which is interpreted immediately by the Chicago media to mean that Carlos only cares about hitting homeruns.
March 23 – Carlos Silva has an actual good outing and raises speculation that the rotund righty might actually be the Cubs’ 5th starter. It also spurs debate in the media about exactly how much the Cubs still owe Silva, and yet another meme is born.
March 25 – Braden Looper re-retires. Told ya.
March 25 – The Cubs announce plans for Opening Day at Wrigley including the first pitch being thrown out by Robert Redford for some reason, Ron Santo Jr. leading the crowd in singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” and losing to the Pirates.
March 26 – The Cubs name Andrew Cashner the fifth starter,asking him to accept a minor league assignment and they’ll explore trade opportunities. Carlos takes the news from Mark Riggins professionally and remained a shining beacon of positivity:
“[Riggins] has to learn he’s in the big leagues now, know what I mean? There’s no kids around here anymore. The way he laid it out, I don’t know what he was trying to do. He said, ‘Man you’ve been throwing good, you can pitch, blah, blah, blah.’ He said, ‘What if you go to Triple-A and throw some games to continue building and continue getting better?’ I told him I don’t need to go there, I’m ready to go, I feel good, I’m ready to pitch.”
March 27 – The Cubs surprisingly can not find anyone to trade for him, so they cut Carlos Silva and his $8 million, $11 million, $10.5 million undetermined salary and there is officially nothing that can stand between Andrew Cashner and a long and lasting career as a Cubs starter, not even God himself.
March 28 – Carlos Zambrano makes his last Spring outing and surprises everyone by not murdering anyone. I’ll let Cubs.com describe it:
Carlos Zambrano tuned up for the regular season by pitching five innings against the Indians on Monday and overlooked some plays that weren’t made behind him.
If I didn’t know better, I’d say this is a literary tool known as foreshadowing.
March 29 – The Cubs option Welington Castillo back to AAA after he finishes the Spring by going 12 for 19 (.632), leaving Koyie Hill and his one more hit than I had this Spring as the back-up catcher.
March 31 – Kerry Wood claims his end-of-the-row locker back from John Grabow, who had it in his absence, which raises the obvious question: How in the hell did John Grabow ever earn a perk of any sort on this team? Oh and Darwin Barney was named the starting second baseman, which turns out to be only slightly less important than the locker thing.
More 2011 in Review
Comments
DJ, I’d take Turner over Yelich. Yelich looks like a good hitter, but he’s a LF. Turner reached the big leagues at the age of 20 after flying through the minor leagues. Turner for Garza would be a great deal for the Cubs. I can’t imagine the Tigers would give him up. That just doesn’t make any sense from their perspective. I’m guessing Turner is off the table in any trade talks. He’s as likely to be traded as Starlin Castro is in my opinion. You just don’t trade 20 year old starting pitchers any more than you’d trade a 21 year old starting shortstop.
mb21Quote Reply
(dying laughing)
mb21Quote Reply
I love these reviews.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=mb21]I love these reviews.[/quote]Thanks. Hope you still like them in mid-February when they are due to be completed.
Aisle424Quote Reply
[quote name=Aisle424]Thanks. Hope you still like them in mid-February when they are due to be completed.[/quote]I won’t have the shitty season in reviews done by then. (dying laughing)
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=mb21]DJ, I’d take Turner over Yelich. Yelich looks like a good hitter, but he’s a LF. Turner reached the big leagues at the age of 20 after flying through the minor leagues. Turner for Garza would be a great deal for the Cubs. I can’t imagine the Tigers would give him up. That just doesn’t make any sense from their perspective. I’m guessing Turner is off the table in any trade talks. He’s as likely to be traded as Starlin Castro is in my opinion. You just don’t trade 20 year old starting pitchers any more than you’d trade a 21 year old starting shortstop.[/quote]Agreed on turner over yelich. Yelich is still in the lower minors if I am looking right. Even if it’s a 1:1 deal the Cubs need to take it. If its more than the cubs should say yes before dombrowskil sobers up.
JManQuote Reply
Yeah, JMan, Dombrowski would have to be drunk to offer Turner plus. I think he’d have to be quite ill to offer Turner so if he does just get it done. Yelich looks like a good prospect, but I’m leery of LF “prospects” in the low minors. I don’t know anything about his defense other than he has played a little CF. Still, he’s in the low minors and defense gets worse the higher you move up. it’s likely he’s either below average in LF by the time he reaches the big leagues or a 1st baseman.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=mb21]I won’t have the shitty season in reviews done by then. (dying laughing)[/quote]Are there parallel series of blogs going on here? I thought this was all Aisley.
And speaking of trades:
http://www.mlbtraderumors.com/2011/12/tigers-willing-to-deal-jacob-turner.html
Rice CubeQuote Reply
[quote name=mb21]Yeah, JMan, Dombrowski would have to be drunk to offer Turner plus. I think he’d have to be quite ill to offer Turner so if he does just get it done. Yelich looks like a good prospect, but I’m leery of LF “prospects” in the low minors. I don’t know anything about his defense other than he has played a little CF. Still, he’s in the low minors and defense gets worse the higher you move up. it’s likely he’s either below average in LF by the time he reaches the big leagues or a 1st baseman.[/quote]However if the blue jays were to offer drabek, Sanchez and maybe even marisnick that would be hard to turn down. But not sure they would offer that for garza.
JManQuote Reply
ACTQuote Reply
every writer i have seen has said Turner is in the Garza deal
dylanjQuote Reply
Turner’s K numbers in the minors are a bit troublesome but he would be what I consider value for Garza
dylanjQuote Reply
in fact i’ve seen Turner + as the most talked about package .Teams value Garza more than we do it seems
dylanjQuote Reply
Does the Sox sending Quinten to the Padres (I just wanna point out that my auto correct changed Padres to “Forerunner Recycling Jeffco Drop Off Location, 11029 Manchester Rd, Kirkwood, MO 63122”) signal that they are in win now mode? Maybe Garza to them for Rizzo is possible? And happy soon to be new year, fuck faces.
BottleasmokeQuote Reply
i mean there is a mile’s worth of difference between a guy like Shelby Miller and Turner
dylanjQuote Reply
Padres just traded a younger and better pitcher off for prospects. I doubt they turn around and use them to get Garza
dylanjQuote Reply
[quote name=dylanj]Padres just traded a younger and better pitcher off for prospects. I doubt they turn around and use them to get Garza[/quote]
Makes sense, just me being wishful I guess.
BottleasmokeQuote Reply
[quote name=dylanj]in fact i’ve seen Turner + as the most talked about package .Teams value Garza more than we do it seems[/quote]
I think what we should be asking ourselves is, “Who would win such a trade?”
8volumesthickQuote Reply
Happy New Year GMT -6 fuckfaces!
fang2415Quote Reply
Funny, nobody sued for blog discreditation:
http://news.yahoo.com/10-most-ridiculous-lawsuits-2011-175104066.html
Rice CubeQuote Reply
For those of you who watch Boardwalk. NSFW
http://egotastic.com/photos/paz-de-la-huerta-nekkid-and-naughty-in-mark-squires-photoshoot/paz-squires-shoot-49/
RodrigoQuote Reply
Two hours and change for Central Time Zoners.
Rice CubeQuote Reply
[quote name=Rice Cube]Are there parallel series of blogs going on here? I thought this was all Aisley.
And speaking of trades:
http://www.mlbtraderumors.com/2011/12/tigers-willing-to-deal-jacob-turner.html%5B/quote%5DI'm talking about the player reviews I started awhile back: http://obstructedview.net/tag/another-shitty-season-in-review.html
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=dylanj]in fact i’ve seen Turner + as the most talked about package .Teams value Garza more than we do it seems[/quote]I hope they do, but I don’t much care about what the rumored package is. Until there’s a deal done I’m going to assume some other team will pay what Garza is worth or at least close to his value anyway.
mb21Quote Reply
I don’t care about basketball, but I was wondering what you basketball fans thought of this: http://www.insidethebook.com/ee/index.php/site/comments/clock_less_basketball/
I love ideas for rule changes.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=mb21]I won’t have the shitty season in reviews done by then. (dying laughing)[/quote]I won’t have my first one of those written yet (dying laughing)
BerseliusQuote Reply
Ah, I was wondering what happened to your player reviews (dying laughing) I guess it doesn’t really matter as most of them were kind of useless anyway.
[quote name=mb21]I don’t care about basketball, but I was wondering what you basketball fans thought of this: http://www.insidethebook.com/ee/index.php/site/comments/clock_less_basketball/
I love ideas for rule changes.[/quote]
I think I like the idea of a running clock. I’m not as cool with the way the winning score is automatically set though. They should just have the preset time in regulation, and whoever has the most points at the buzzer wins. I have no problem with that.
I also despise the fouling at the end of games to stop the clock. The running clock, even during free throws, would eliminate that. I think the only clock stoppages should be during out of bounds plays, jump balls, and team timeouts.
As for the defense…most basketball teams run their plays through one or two guys who can score, which sets up a lot of isolation plays and what not. I don’t see why teams would want to get away from that unless they have a particularly innovative coach who preaches ball movement. This also means the defense will adapt to shut down those one or two primary scorers. I’m not sure how the opening post’s rule changes would change defense. I’d also be against any rules that discourage offense; that’s why they invented the shot clock in the first place.
In summary, I’d keep the game and strategies mostly the same, but change the clock stoppage rules and discourage fouling at the end of games by not allowing the clock to stop during foul shots; however, foul shots would be subjected to their own 5-second shot clock.
I’d add that I don’t really watch basketball all that much anymore except for the occasional regular season game and college game of the week, so I’m hardly an expert.
Rice CubeQuote Reply
uncle daveQuote Reply
Happy new year, fuckfaces.
Aisle424Quote Reply
new shit: http://obstructedview.net/chicago-cubs/articles/another-shitty-cubs-season-in-review-carlos-pena.html
mb21Quote Reply