Jim Hendry is going around telling Patrick Mooney that the Cubs are just a few smart moves away from contending again. He’s not being ironic. He’s dead serious.
“That’s the way the game is now,” Hendry said. “The Pirates were (34 games) back a year ago. They did a nice job. Some of their younger players are playing well. They had a few real quality acquisitions in the winter that clicked. And you’re right back in it.”
When I hear crap like that come from the Cubs, all I can think about is Jaws 4: The Revenge. That was a terrible movie. There was not a single redeeming thing about it, but there it was with the word “Jaws” in the title so they figured stupid people would line up to watch it. Nothing captures the true essence of the sheer stupidity of Jaws 4 better than the late Richard Jeni:
Did you ever see a movie so bad that they just slap you in the face with how bad it is? You can’t even pretend. You go, “Maybe this movie isn’t that bad, maybe I’m not wasting my life.” And they go, (slap) “Yes, you are.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. (slap) Look at you! (slap) It’s four in the morning (slap) and you have one sweatsock (slap) and a burrito (slap) watching a shark (slap) that only kills one family (slap) out of (slap) an entire ocean full (slap) of perfectly edible people (slap) for no reason (slap) that we ever explain (slap) and you won’t (slap) turn it off (slap) because you think it’s going to get better.” (slap) (slap) (slap)
That is what it is like to be a Cubs fan right now. Look at us. MB has written not one, but two posts inspired by a post by Wreckard explaining how the Cubs can get back into contention next year. This blog is probably the most cynical group of Cubs fans you will find and here we are writing post after post about how the Cubs can start winning again sometime soon. Twitter is abuzz with people reveling in the first three-game win streak of the season. Of. The. Season.
We don’t like watching the Cubs suck like this. As much fun as we have with the reverse standings, I was pleased as punch that the Astros pretty much clinched the #1 draft pick by getting swept like that. So we start to get delusional.
Maybe the Cubs aren’t that bad, you think. Afterall, look at the Pirates. Look what they did. Maybe I’m not wasting my life rooting for this team.
(slap) Yes, you are.
The Cubs continue (slap) to drone on (slap) about how they can (slap) be like the Pirates (slap) but they fail to mention (slap) that the Cubs don’t have anyone like (slap) Andrew McCutchen, (slap) Neil Walker, or (slap) Jose Tabata and (slap) refuse to trade (slap) utility guys like Jeff Baker (slap) for no apparent reason (slap) that they ever explain (slap) and insist (slap) that the farm system has talent (slap) when Darwin Barney and his .700 OPS (slap) is the best rookie (slap) they’ve produced this year (slap) and the only thing (slap) they seem to excel at (slap) is getting old (slap). Have a $1 hotdog (slap) and a free t-shirt (slap) (slap) (slap).
The Cubs pass up almost every opportunity they have to get better. Jeff Baker is untouchable. That is the biggest piece of fucking bullshit I have ever heard pass from the mouths of anyone associated with the Cubs (and that is saying something) and I don’t see much from the media calling them out on it. Jeff Baker? The man is the small side of a platoon and he’s untouchable for some reason. (slap) (slap) (slap)
I don’t care what the plan is for next year. Whether they buy him out at the end of the season, trade him this season, or hold onto him for another year, there is no scenario that makes Jeff Baker important enough to not even listen to trade talks about him. I don’t care if they have to put Koyie Hill (slap) (slap) at third base next year because they traded both Ramirez and Baker, it won’t matter in the slightest and they might get lucky with some random prospect they pick up.
There was a time when we got a Hall of Fame second baseman as a throw in for Ivan DeJesus. Sometimes stuff happens. But what won’t happen is Jeff Baker, at the age of 30, suddenly becoming a player you build a team around.
We’re starting to hear rumors about Carlos Pena being moved, plus Kosuke Fukudome and even Alfonso Soriano, so that is a start, but I don’t expect anything of reliable ability to come back in the deals. Game-changing prospects are more likely to be found if they had the balls to admit they don’t need a closer like Marmol locked up for three years. Sean Marshall would probably fetch a nice price as well. But they won’t.
They’ll just sell a trade of a couple of veterans for B-level prospects (at best) as rebuilding (slap) and then they’ll be ready to compete again next year (slap) while providing a few more Prince Fielder (slap) or Albert Pujols (slap) to-the-Cubs-rumor leaks (slap) so they can justify not lowering ticket prices. (slap)
A quick Google search lead me to the stat that the odds of getting attacked by a shark are about 11.5 million to one. That’s amazing. That is the same chance the Cubs have of contending next year.
(slap) (slap) (slap) (slap) (slap)
Comments
A bit slap-happy with the slapstick eh.
Rice CubeQuote Reply
They are all busy watching Breaking Bad.
Aisle424Quote Reply
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
Julie has some info from a source in the front office that’s highly critical of Quade
More at
http://aeryssports.com/a-league-of-her-own/of-insider-frustrations-and-first-pitches/
BerseliusQuote Reply
Pop Fly? Deep Goat?
When OV gets its anonymous source, can we call him/her something ridiculous too? Like Faget Cunt?
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
^ That’s so not awesome.
Also, Cubs now have #3 pick because Baltimore has entered a stretch of suck. The battle for the #2 pick begins anew…
Rice CubeQuote Reply
Cliff Lee is getting hammered by the Padres. Denorfia stole home on a pickoff play to first.
ACTQuote Reply
Tomorrow morning begins the NFL whirlwind. Rookies can sign starting at 9 a.m.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb]Tomorrow morning begins the NFL whirlwind. Rookies can sign starting at 9 a.m.[/quote]
The vote is finally done then? Yay football.
Rice CubeQuote Reply
They haven’t voted, but it’s considered a “formality” at this point. The league timeline has been confirmed.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Rice Cube]The vote is finally done then?[/quote]
Why don’t you eat up and we’ll tell ya.
Lloyd ChristmasQuote Reply
I’m (dying laughing) at my Redskins fan inlaws. They’re excited by the cap room that WAS apparently has, but I bet they blow their FA money on Chad Johnson and Randy Moss.
BerseliusQuote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb]They haven’t voted, but it’s considered a “formality” at this point. The league timeline has been confirmed.[/quote]
Well, now they have.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Berselius]I’m (dying laughing) at my Redskins fan inlaws. They’re excited[/quote]
That’s when I started (dying laughing)
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
i hate the redskins… theya re the worst.. have 2 bets already with a coworked (i live in dc)
-$100 that the skins wont win 8 games
-$100 that bairz have more wins than skins
bubblesdachimpQuote Reply
So now we have Deep Goat and Fly Ball.
What nickname will we use for the Obstructed View “source’?
dylanjQuote Reply
[quote name=bubblesdachimp]-$100 that the skins wont win 8 games[/quote]
Wow. I’d put the o/u at 5.5 wins. And I’d STILL probably take the under.
I don’t know what the o/u would be on whether or not they could complete a sentence, though.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=dylanj]So now we have Deep Goat and Fly Ball.
What nickname will we use for the Obstructed View “source’?[/quote]
http://obstructedview.net/chicago-cubs/articles/cubs-2011-the-revenge.html#comment-38452
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb]Wow. I’d put the o/u at 5.5 wins. And I’d STILL probably take the under.
I don’t know what the o/u would be on whether or not they could complete a sentence, though.[/quote]
Yea i think they are the worst team in football.. When you go into the year counting on John Beck you are fucked
bubblesdachimpQuote Reply
[quote name=bubblesdachimp]Yea i think they are the worst team in football.. When you go into the year counting on Dan Snyder spending his money wisely you are fucked[/quote]
.
BerseliusQuote Reply
[quote name=bubblesdachimp]Yea i think they are the worst team in football.. When you go into the year counting on John Beck you are fucked[/quote]
The Panthers would like a word with you.
XoomwaffleQuote Reply
I don’t quite know what to make of the comments about Quade. I have a feeling that if the Cubs were winning, he’d be praised for his leadership even if he were doing nothing different. The perception people have of a manager’s performance is colored by how the team performs, whether it’s the manager’s fault or not.
ACTQuote Reply
[quote name=ACT]I don’t quite know what to make of the comments about Quade. I have a feeling that if the Cubs were winning, he’d be praised for his leadership even if he were doing nothing different. The perception people have of a manager’s performance is colored by how the team performs, whether it’s the manager’s fault or not.[/quote]Yep. The discussion begins and ends with exactly what you said. Anything else is nonsense. Last year the Cubs did well under Quade and he was praised by the veterans and the young players. As every person with a brain expected, they have done the exactly opposite when the team has lost.
To be honest, I wish people would just stop telling me what the players think anyway. I can look at the standings and know exactly what the players think of their manager.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=Xoomwaffle]The Panthers would like a word with you.[/quote]
I will bet you 5 Faget points that the Skins have a worse record than the panthers…
bubblesdachimpQuote Reply
[quote name=bubblesdachimp]I will bet you 5 Faget points that the Skins have a worse record than the panthers…[/quote]I’ll bet you 5 faget points that I won’t know the Panthers record at the end of the season and another 5 faget points that I won’t know the record of any other NFL team at any point in the season. Let’s throw in another 5 faget point bet that the NFL sucks.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=mb21]I’ll bet you 5 faget points that I won’t know the Panthers record at the end of the season and another 5 faget points that I won’t know the record of any other NFL team at any point in the season. Let’s throw in another 5 faget point bet that the NFL sucks.[/quote]
I think MB has a gambling problem.
Aisle424Quote Reply
[quote name=bubblesdachimp]I will bet you 5 Faget points that the Skins have a worse record than the panthers…[/quote]
You’re on. I got these 5 faget points in the bag.
XoomwaffleQuote Reply
[quote name=mb21]I’ll bet you 5 faget points that I won’t know the Panthers record at the end of the season and another 5 faget points that I won’t know the record of any other NFL team at any point in the season. Let’s throw in another 5 faget point bet that the NFL sucks.[/quote]
I kinda remember you being this… Any reason in particular?
Xoom you are fucking on (dying laughing)
bubblesdachimpQuote Reply
(dying laughing), Jorge Arangure is bitching about how we all got played by the NFL, like the lockout was all one big publicity scam. Please.
BerseliusQuote Reply
Always makes me (dying laughing).
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Aisle424]I think MB has a gambling problem.[/quote]
Or a faget point problem.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb]Or a faget point problem.[/quote]
Get it?
Rice CubeQuote Reply
.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb]Always makes me (dying laughing).[/quote]
He really is a faget.. I mean a super faget
bubblesdachimpQuote Reply
[quote name=Rice Cube]
Get it?[/quote]
Is he a faget?
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb].[/quote]
Did someone answer “At least one”? I doubt Yellon gives up his special bleachers seat (dying laughing)
Rice CubeQuote Reply
[quote name=Rice Cube]Did someone answer “At least one”? I doubt Yellon gives up his special bleachers seat (dying laughing)[/quote]
I was hoping someone would resond:
“Meh, I’ll just wait until they go on sale.”
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=bubblesdachimp]I kinda remember you being this… Any reason in particular? [/quote]I don’t think there’s any particular reason. I like college football a lot more and can’t find any energy or reason to watch an NFL game. it’s about as exciting to me as watching golf.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb]Is he a faget?[/quote]
Signs point to yes:
Rice CubeQuote Reply
[quote name=mb21]I don’t think there’s any particular reason. I like college football a lot more and can’t find any energy or reason to watch an NFL game. it’s about as exciting to me as watching golf.[/quote]
i love CFB too.. Gamecocks make me so happy right now
bubblesdachimpQuote Reply
[quote name=bubblesdachimp]
i love CFB too.. Gamecocks make me so happy right now[/quote]Too easy.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb]Too fagety.[/quote]
.
Aisle424Quote Reply
so in about three hours im going to close on the biggest sale of my career. goodbye student loans
dylanjQuote Reply
[quote name=dylanj]so in about three hours im going to close on the biggest sale of my career. goodbye student loans[/quote]
http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/category.do?cid=69982&mlink=5151,3459984,S1_BGRND&clink=3459984 ?
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb]http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/category.do?cid=69982&mlink=5151,3459984,S1_BGRND&clink=3459984 ?[/quote]
tee-hee
dylanjQuote Reply
(dying laughing) should be (slap) now.
So, basically, the Cubs can’t sacrifice ticket sales because Ricketts’s overpaid for the team. The only way we contend is if we get 2007 lucky and all the other teams fuck it up. They can’t run out any young guys because they have no one to run out.
Go Indians!
binkyQuote Reply
[quote name=josh](dying laughing) should be (slap) now.
So, basically, the Cubs can’t sacrifice ticket sales because Ricketts’s overpaid for the team. The only way we contend is if we get 2007 lucky and all the other teams fuck it up. They can’t run out any young guys because they have no one to run out.
Go Indians![/quote]
(dying slapping)
Rice CubeQuote Reply
[quote name=Rice Cube](slap)[/quote]
.
Aisle424Quote Reply
http://obstructedview.net/tag/you-will-be-attacked-by-a-shark-before-the-cubs-win-a-world-series.html
(dying laughing)
(dying laughing)
mb21Quote Reply
You want to know what’s funny? i’m often considered to be one of the most pessimistic Cubs fans, but I think this team can contend next year. Will they? I doubt it, but that’s because I think payroll is going to be lowered. However, if they did keep it the same or even increase it slightly, I’m certain they could contend.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=mb21]You want to know what’s funny? i’m often considered to be one of the most pessimistic Cubs fans, but I think this team can contend next year. Will they? I doubt it, but that’s because I think payroll is going to be lowered. However, if they did keep it the same or even increase it slightly, I’m certain they could contend.[/quote]
Yeah, if it weren’t for the money restrictions that we know will be a problem short of Papa riding to the rescue, there wouldn’t be nearly as much pessimism on my part. but the reality is the reality. This team is going to have to try to contend on a mid-market budget with no help from their farm system.
Aisle424Quote Reply
[quote name=Aisle424]Yeah, if it weren’t for the money restrictions that we know will be a problem short of Papa riding to the rescue, there wouldn’t be nearly as much pessimism on my part. but the reality is the reality. This team is going to have to try to contend on a mid-market budget with no help from their farm system.[/quote]
What if they really did want to spend but couldn’t, not because of availability of assets, but because of bankruptcy restrictions tied to the sale?
I admit that I know next to nothing about bankruptcy proceedings, but this could possibly explain why the Ricketts haven’t fired Hendry, because they want to give him a boatload of money next season to get Fielder and Reyes and Beltran and whoever else is up for grabs *shrug*
/conspiracy theory
Rice CubeQuote Reply
[quote name=mb21]You want to know what’s funny? i’m often considered to be one of the most pessimistic Cubs fans, but I think this team can contend next year. Will they? I doubt it, but that’s because I think payroll is going to be lowered. However, if they did keep it the same or even increase it slightly, I’m certain they could contend.[/quote]I think payroll was lower in order to pay for the draft picks the team appears to have signed. I’m guessing between the draft and int’l signings the team will be close to having spent 8-10M.
Since it appears Hendry gets to shape this club through his contract this deadline should give a decent picture as to what direction he plans to take with the club.
JManQuote Reply
[quote name=Aisle424]Yeah, if it weren’t for the money restrictions that we know will be a problem short of Papa riding to the rescue, there wouldn’t be nearly as much pessimism on my part. but the reality is the reality. This team is going to have to try to contend on a mid-market budget with no help from their farm system.[/quote]Yeah, that’s more than likely what happens and Ricketts saying payroll will be a bit lower next year makes contending damn tough.
mb21Quote Reply
You know the idea that Jeff Baker is untouchable and won’t be discussed in trade talks is absurd, but I’m pretty sure that Hendry saying that in public has little or no relation to that being a reality. What’s he gonna say? “Oh, baker, well hell, we didn’t think we could get anything for the small side of a platoon player anyway, so I hadn’t thought about it. But yeah, we’d take just about anything for him. Got any doughnuts?”
I know that’s hardly the main point of the article, but it seems weak, and thus it’s repetition fails to advance the funny, for me anyway.
UrkQuote Reply
I don’t think the bankruptcy part of the sale has any bearing anymore. They cleared all of that before the transaction and shouldn’t be under the Tribune’s bankruptcy anymore. I think.
The bigger problem would be their violation of MLB rules for having too high of a debt to revenue ratio. That and they simply have a lot of debt they need to pay off and they probably estimated in everything but their most pessimistic models that they would be averaging at least 39,000 at the ballpark this year (at full price). The thing we have to remember about the attendance is that there is probably a significant number of people who have gotten in that park at a discount or even for free.
The Cubs gave away 200 tickets to my school as a parting gift because they turned down a grant proposal. Those 200 show up in the attendance and I’m 100% certain my school isn’t special. There have probably been thousands of tickets literally given away by the Cubs this year. The real attendance numbers (that only they know) have to be making Tommy ill.
Aisle424Quote Reply
[quote name=Urk]You know the idea that Jeff Baker is untouchable and won’t be discussed in trade talks is absurd, but I’m pretty sure that Hendry saying that in public has little or no relation to that being a reality. What’s he gonna say? “Oh, baker, well hell, we didn’t think we could get anything for the small side of a platoon player anyway, so I hadn’t thought about it. But yeah, we’d take just about anything for him. Got any doughnuts?”
I know that’s hardly the main point of the article, but it seems weak, and thus it’s repetition fails to advance the funny, for me anyway.[/quote]
How about, “We really love Baker, but let’s be honest, if another team thinks he can help them contend and they have a nice prospect in return, I’d be stupid not to talk about it.”
I’ve been trying to think of another utility player that has been deemed untouchable by a team and I can’t think of one. It’s just stupid and it makes the team sound stupid. There are any number of ways to address the question of Jeff Baker’s availability and the Cubs picked the absolute stupidest one to go with.
Aisle424Quote Reply
I think what 424 is saying is that it’s absurd to even state that someone like Baker is untouchable. What other organization says any backup is untouchable? I don’t believe that Baker is, but at the same time I also believe Baker has more value to the Cubs than he does to another team. So I understand Hendry being reluctant to trade him. I probably wouldn’t either unless I got a really good offer, which just isn’t going to happen. But I would never say someone like that is untouchable.
mb21Quote Reply
I don’t think there has been, 424. I can’t think of one so even saying it is absurd.
mb21Quote Reply
I seriously think the Cubs are going to end up trading for BJ Upton and a starting pitcher…
JManQuote Reply
[quote name=mb21]I think this team can contend next year. Will they? I doubt it[/quote]
Typical pessimistic mb.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb]Typical pessimistic mb.[/quote]
Don’t you like anything?
Aisle424Quote Reply
Agreed. Based on what I’ve learned over the last 4 or 5 days from looking into the value of the various players, I completely understand where the Cubs are coming from. They would never get us much in return as he can provide them. Plus, he is the right-handed part of the platoon next season that enables them to get rid of Ramirez and save money. The Cubs would have to get someone of Ramirez’s value in return who makes $5 million or less and that’s not happening. Despite that, you never say the guy is untouchable.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=Aisle424]How about, “We really love Baker, but let’s be honest, if another team thinks he can help them contend and they have a nice prospect in return, I’d be stupid not to talk about it.”
I’ve been trying to think of another utility player that has been deemed untouchable by a team and I can’t think of one. It’s just stupid and it makes the team sound stupid. There are any number of ways to address the question of Jeff Baker’s availability and the Cubs picked the absolute stupidest one to go with.[/quote]
Yeah, I just rethought this, and, whether you mean it or not, just being in the position where you say “Jeff Baker is untouchable” is pretty pathetic.
UrkQuote Reply
Upton has regressed considerably over the last 3 years. How much will he make next season?
mb21Quote Reply
Right. I don’t even care if they intend to keep him. Personally, I think anyone over the age of 25 should be gone, but that is even less likely than getting attacked by a shark and winning the lottery on the same day, so I get it. But to come out and say that just makes them sound so retarded.
“We’re going to lose 100 games this year, but our 30-year old backup, can’t-hit-righties-worth-a-damn, utility player is not going anywhere.”
Aisle424Quote Reply
Would the Dbacks ever consider trading Justin Upton?
mb21Quote Reply
For what it’s worth, saying Baker is untouchable forces us to believe that Ramirez is gone and Baker and more than likely a platoon partner are taking over 3rd. Because otherwise, it’s just nonsense.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=mb21]Would the Dbacks ever consider trading Justin Upton?[/quote]
Is he a utility player that can only hit lefties? If so, then Hendry wouldn’t.
Aisle424Quote Reply
[quote name=JMan]I seriously think the Cubs are going to end up trading for BJ Upton and a starting pitcher…[/quote]
(dying laughing), Upton’s reputation for laziness is bigger than Rodrigo’s and Adolfo’s combined. Cubs fans would love him.
BerseliusQuote Reply
[quote name=mb21]For what it’s worth, saying Baker is untouchable forces us to believe that Ramirez is gone and Baker and more than likely a platoon partner are taking over 3rd. Because otherwise, it’s just nonsense.[/quote]
I’ve been under that assumption for quite awhile now, but I still don’t think that makes Baker untouchable. It makes him someone you don’t move just for the sake of moving him, but they can find another Jeff Baker for cheap in free agency if someone would give us a B level prospect for him.
Aisle424Quote Reply
I hope the Cubs don’t envisage Blake DeWitt as Baker’s platoon partner.
ACTQuote Reply
[quote name=Aisle424]Don’t you like anything?[/quote]
You want to know what’s funny? i’m often considered to be one of the most pessimistic mb fans, but I think he can be liked next year. Will he? I doubt it, but that’s because I his sense of humor is going to be lowered. However, if he did keep it the same or even increase it slightly, I’m certain he could be liked.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=mb21]Upton has regressed considerably over the last 3 years. How much will he make next season?[/quote]he’s making 4.8 this year and next year is his last so maybe 6-7M I think.
JManQuote Reply
An oldie, biut goodie.
fonteYESQuote Reply
Sometimes you get autocorrect, sometimes autocorrect gets you.
Also, B, the packers might be world champs, but you still live In Wisconsin.
L.O.L. U MAD?!
(dying laughing) xD
fonteYESQuote Reply
[quote name=Aisle424]I’ve been under that assumption for quite awhile now, but I still don’t think that makes Baker untouchable. It makes him someone you don’t move just for the sake of moving him, but they can find another Jeff Baker for cheap in free agency if someone would give us a B level prospect for him.[/quote]
You faggots don’t understand. Jeff Baker taught Koyieieieieeieieie how to tape his fingers.
(dying laughing)
fonteYESQuote Reply
[quote name=fonteYES]Sometimes you get autocorrect, sometimes autocorrect gets you.
Also, B, the packers might be world champs, but you still live In Wisconsin.
L.O.L. U MAD?!
(dying laughing) xD[/quote]
I’d much rather live in WI than Texas (dying laughing)
BerseliusQuote Reply
Eww.
http://twitter.com/#!/ChiTribRogers/status/95580991661420544
Rice CubeQuote Reply
new shit: http://obstructedview.net/chicago-cubs/articles/2012-nl-central-champion-cubs-part-3.html
mb21Quote Reply