St. Louis Cardinals @ Chicago Cubs 5-12

In Game Threads by andcounting148 Comments

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gameday

Jay RF, Craig 2B, Pujols 1B, Holliday LF, Rasmus CF, Molina C, Descalso 3B, Greene SS, Garcia P.Castro SS, Barney 2B, Byrd CF, Ramirez 3B, Baker RF, Peña 1B, Soriano LF, Castillo C, Coleman P

Cardinals Can He Hit Scrap Factor Can He Field Do We Hate Him Cubs Can He Hit Scrap Factor Can He Field Do We Like Him
Jon Jay No 8 Meh No Starlin Castro Yes 5 Kinda Yes
Allen Craig Kinda 8 Prolly No Darwin Barney Yes 11 Yes Yes
Albert Pujols Not anymore 40 Yes No Marlon Byrd No 9 Yes Meh
Matt Holliday Yes 6 No No Aramis Ramirez Maybe 2 Gah Yes
Colby Rasmus Yes 5 Yes A little Jeff Baker Platoon 4 Eh Yes
Yadier Molina No 9 YES No Carlos Peña No 5 Yes Yes
Daniel Descalso No 8 Sure No Alfonso Soriano Sometimes 1 No Yes
Tyler Greene No 12 Prolly No Wellington Castillo Like a god 8 Yes Yes
Jaime Garcia No — No No Casey Coleman Yes 45 Yes Yes

Cubs lose over/under: 65%


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  3. Berselius

    (dying laughing) at Allen Craig playing 2b. I thought he was a corner OF. I guess he’s Skip Schumaker 2.0 (dying laughing)

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  4. Rice Cube

    I can say with some confidence that one of you guys who does Photoshop can make this a whole lot better.

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  9. AndCounting

    I was disappointed in the hate I could muster for this Cards lineup. No Berkman or Theriot. It’s going to be a tough day.

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  10. AndCounting

    [quote name=Berselius]I deleted my thread – this one is much better[/quote](dying laughing)
    You’re much faster than I am, b.

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  12. Mish

    I was always okay with Berkman, because he’s been good at baseball and all (my only real requirement), but right now he’s successfully buoying 2 of my fantasy teams so he’s especially okay in my book.

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  14. Urk

    That is a spreadsheet for those of us in the humanities. And yes, I’ll get you fries with that burger as soon as I finish this dissertation.

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  15. AndCounting

    Too bad Jon Jay hadn’t reached base. The line drive by Pujols would have been the perfect setup to an unassisted triple play.

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  18. AndCounting

    [quote name=Suburban Kid]Will the playstation network ever get back online?[/quote]http://willtheplaystationnetworkevergetbackonline.com

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  19. Suburban kid

    I forgot to pre-URL that bitch.

    (It would save everyone a bunch of time if the meme would evolve that way)

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  21. AndCounting

    I don’t understand the intentional walk to get to the pitcher with just 1 out. And now it really looks stupid.

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  22. Berselius

    [quote name=Suburban Kid]Will the playstation network ever get back online?[/quote]
    Ugh, tell me about it. I didn’t realize you used the ps3 setup too

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  26. AndCounting

    [quote name=Rice Cube]Oh wait, now it’s 7.62.[/quote]You gotta remember, though, two of his really bad starts were very early on.

    /brenly’d

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  27. Rice Cube

    [quote name=AndCounting]You gotta remember, though, two of his really bad starts were very early on.

    /brenly’d[/quote]
    That doesn’t include this recent start that I did not enjoy.

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  28. Suburban kid

    [quote name=Berselius]Ugh, tell me about it. I didn’t realize you used the ps3 setup too[/quote]You’d think since the PS3 has connectivity they could still run online stuff just using the naked internet while they get their own network fixed, but i guess not.

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  29. Mish

    So mlb.tv isn’t working yet on PS3? That really blows. For you people.

    Sickels:

    **The Chicago Cubs drafted catcher Micah Gibbs in the third round in 2010 out of Louisiana State. Although his throwing isn’t stellar, he was considered to be one of the top defensive catchers in the draft anyhow, due to his mobility, reliability, and leadership skills. He hit .388/.468/.592 for the Tigers last spring, but most scouts felt that wouldn’t translate into pro ball, which is why he lasted until the third round. He played terribly in the Northwest League after signing, hitting just .203/.274/.250, with no power, disappointing plate discipline, and not-as-polished-as-expected defense. Gibbs is doing better this year, with a fast start at Low-A Peoria resulting in a .353/.457/.456 line. He’s still not hitting for huge power, but his plate discipline has been much better (he drew 13 walks in 42 games last year and has already drawn 12 in 19 this year). He’s still not great at throwing, catching just four of 24 runners so far, but his mobility and reliability look much better this year, and it’s possible that he was just gassed last summer from the long college season. Given the sample size it is too soon to conclude that he’s turned a corner, but I like the restoration of his strike zone judgment.

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  31. Berselius

    [quote name=Suburban Kid]You’d think since the PS3 has connectivity they could still run online stuff just using the naked internet while they get their own network fixed, but i guess not.[/quote]
    I don’t get why they even have to run it through the fucking PSN network.

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  33. Suburban kid

    [quote name=Rice Cube]Gameday replay is really smallish but it looked like Holliday’s homer landed on Waveland.[/quote]Yeah I think I saw Alvin/one of Alvin’s benchmates wave at it as it passed.

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  34. Dr. Aneus Taint

    [quote name=Suburban Kid]Yeah I think I saw Alvin pull out of one of Alvin’s benchmates as it passed.[/quote]
    Fixed.

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  38. Dr. Aneus Taint

    Sosa’s stats are so overwhelming that, as Mike wrote, if not for the taint, he COULD have been #1.
    by Al Yellon on Feb 18, 2007 12:47 PM CST up

    What’s so bad about Sosa’s taint that it cost him in this case?

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  39. Suburban kid

    [quote name=AndCounting]Starlin Castro is magical.[/quote]That’s a fairly dick-high comment.

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  40. Suburban kid

    [quote name=Jame Gumb]What’s so bad about Sosa’s taint that it cost him in this case?[/quote]It smells?

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  43. AndCounting

    [quote name=Jame Gumb]What’s so bad about Sosa’s taint that it cost him in this case?[/quote]When Al finally comes out with that jazz album of his, he should entitle it “If Not For the Taint”.

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  45. mb21

    [quote name=Rice Cube]

    I can say with some confidence that one of you guys who does Photoshop can make this a whole lot better.[/quote]Nicely done.

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  47. GBTS

    (dying laughing)

    I just read the spreadsheet for the first time, I thought it was another one of b’s fagety ones with “actual stats.”

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  54. mb21

    [quote name=Aisle424]Well done, AC. Might I suggest that for the Cubs we not measure Scrap, but rather, Laziness.[/quote]That’s the same thing as Hispanicness.

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  55. AndCounting

    [quote name=Aisle424]Well done, AC. Might I suggest that for the Cubs we not measure Scrap, but rather, Laziness.[/quote]Great suggestion. All I’ll need to do is learn the HTML code for the infinity symbol.

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  56. mb21

    [quote name=Chris Dickerson]Is Gameday screwed up or is the strike zone miniscule today?[/quote]I don’t think it’s that small. Garcia isn’t having much trouble with it (or the Cubs).

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  57. mb21

    [quote name=AndCounting]Great suggestion. All I’ll need to do is learn the HTML code for the infinity symbol.[/quote]I think that symbol is available in the editor, but I’m not sure.

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  62. Aisle424

    [quote name=Jame Gumb]Here you go, RC.

    [/quote]
    (dying laughing)

    The beam should look like it’s coming from Al, though.

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  63. Rice Cube

    I was trying to make the beam come out of the scoreboard but it didn’t look right. JG’s version is a definite win.

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  64. Aisle424

    [quote name=Rice Cube]I was trying to make the beam come out of the scoreboard but it didn’t look right. JG’s version is a definite win.[/quote]
    Yeah, I tried playing with it last night for a bit and nothing came out looking right at all, but that was my initial idea too.

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  68. AndCounting

    [quote name=Aisle424]It is really well done. I remember the NewsRadio (a recent show I enjoyed) where they were supposed to be in the future and they reported the destruction of the Death Star as a terrorist plot and I thought that was hysterical. The Kenobi story goes to 11.[/quote]Kenobi was unarmed. That’s not justice, it’s murder.

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  70. mb21

    [quote name=AndCounting]Kenobi was unarmed. That’s not justice, it’s murder.[/quote]I want to see the body.

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  72. Rice Cube

    [quote name=AndCounting]Kenobi was unarmed. That’s not justice, it’s murder.[/quote]
    Is it proper to say he was unarmed when he was the dumbass who decided to shut off his lightsaber?

    Granted there were ulterior motives behind that (more powerful than imagined, etc)…

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  75. AndCounting

    [quote name=Rice Cube]Is it proper to say he was unarmed when he was the dumbass who decided to shut off his lightsaber?

    Granted there were ulterior motives behind that (more powerful than imagined, etc)…[/quote]http://isitpropertosayobiwankenobiwasunarmedwhenhewasthedumbasswhodecidedtoshutoffhislightsaber.com

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  80. mb21

    [quote name=Rice Cube](dying laughing)

    Garcia’s only thrown 40 pitches through 4 IP.[/quote]Yeah, if there’s a strikezone issue, he’s not having it.

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  82. Rice Cube

    [quote name=Jame Gumb][/quote]
    (dying laughing)
    (dying laughing)

    I think the original pic actually had a real guy right there though I don’t think it was Yellon. Well done.

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  83. Rice Cube

    Also, that’s one hell of a powerful smartphone he’s using to generate the bunt signal so brightly.

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  84. Chris Dickerson

    [quote name=mb21]Yeah, if there’s a strikezone issue, he’s not having it.[/quote]
    Ok but this AB, the 2nd and 3rd pitch to Tyler Greene are both well within the strike zone but still called balls.

    I realize Garcia is 31 of 40 on strikes but I think that says plenty about the Cubs too.

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  85. mb21

    [quote name=Chris Dickerson]Ok but this AB, the 2nd and 3rd pitch to Tyler Greene are both well within the strike zone but still called balls.

    I realize Garcia is 31 of 40 on strikes but I think that says plenty about the Cubs too.[/quote]Agreed. I haven’t paid that much attention to the game so I really don’t know. What I have seen it hasn’t looked bad, but that doesn’t mean anything.

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  87. Dr. Aneus Taint

    [quote name=Rice Cube]Also, that’s one hell of a powerful smartphone he’s using to generate the bunt signal so brightly.[/quote]
    I’m sure SBNation gave it to him.

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  89. Aisle424

    Via Arizona Phil:

    Making his first appearance in a game since being placed on the 15-day DL on April 5th with a right forearm strain, Wells threw two innings (40 pitches), allowing three runs (two earned) on five hits (three singles, a double, and a triple), with no walks and two strikeouts, and a balk.

    Wells retired the first man he faced on a fly out to left on a 2-2 pitch, before allowing a triple into the right-centerfield alley. A spectacular diving catch by CF Kyung-Min Na on a pop fly to short-center saved a run and another base-runner, but the next two batters ripped consecutive two-out RBI hits (a single and a double) to plate the Angels first two runs Wells then recorded the third out of the 1st inning on a 3-1 GO (where Wells had to double-time it to 1st base to just barely beat the batter to the bag).

    Wells found himself in trouble again right at the outset of the 2nd inning when a fielding error put the Angels lead-off man on 1st base. A ground out moved the runner up to 2nd, before two singles (on consecutive pitches) drove-in the Angels third run. The big right-hander then got it together and struck out the final two batters he faced, both looking. (Of Wells 28 strikes, ten balls were put into play, three were fouled-off, 11 were called strikes, and four were of the swinging variety).

    RHP Andrew Cashner (rotator cuff) is a bit behind Wells in his rehab, and was limited to throwing a “two-inning” (30 pitches) pre-game “live” BP session on Field #2.

    http://www.thecubreporter.com/2011/05/12/wells-it-could-have-been-worse

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  92. Rice Cube

    Levine:

    The plan is that Wells will come back to the Cubs in their rotation. Cashner may be either a starter or return to the bullpen, where he was a successful set-up man toward the end of 2010.

    So it sounds like Cashner will ease his way back. Guess Casey Coleman becomes the new #5 starter until he sucks enough that they let Cashner get a shot again.

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  96. Rice Cube

    [quote name=AndCounting]Come on, Carlos. Hit one.[/quote]
    Or he could just walk to load the bases and Soriano can hit one….

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  98. mb21

    [quote name=Rice Cube]Levine:

    So it sounds like Cashner will ease his way back. Guess Casey Coleman becomes the new #5 starter until he sucks enough that they let Cashner get a shot again.[/quote]Doug Davis

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  100. mb21

    If Davis pitches well, Cashner will go the bullpen. It was the same thing with Coleman who hasn’t pitched well. Now Davis will get a shot to earn that spot. If he doesn’t pitch well Cashner will get it.

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  102. mb21

    [quote name=AndCounting]This inning is over. Castillo looks absolutely lost against Garcia.[/quote]He’s not a whole lot better than Hill. If at all.

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  103. Dr. Aneus Taint

    [quote name=mb21]Alvin doesn’t see the parade.[/quote]
    He’s just stopping to return a text.

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  108. AndCounting

    Nothing says “we give up” quite like a double switch that brings Reed Johnson and John Grabow into the game.

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  111. AndCounting

    [quote name=Suburban Kid]You guys are still watching that shit?[/quote]Bill Kurtis is singing the stretch. What’s not to love?

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  112. Suburban kid

    [quote name=AndCounting]Bill Kurtis is singing the stretch. What’s not to love?[/quote]Has Walter Jacobson returned to his first job as batboy too?

    /Probably the only guy here who thinks of Bill Kurtis as a local anchorman

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  113. mb21

    [quote name=Suburban Kid]You guys are still watching that shit?[/quote]Reed Johnson is pinch hitting. Who wouldn’t want to watch that?

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  114. AndCounting

    [quote name=Suburban Kid]Has Walter Jacobson returned to his first job as batboy too?

    /Probably the only guy here who thinks of Bill Kurtis as a local anchorman[/quote]He’s back at CBS in Chicago, so you’re not alone. Jacobson is, too, for what it’s worth.

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  115. Suburban kid

    [quote name=AndCounting]He’s back at CBS in Chicago, so you’re not alone. Jacobson is, too, for what it’s worth.[/quote]And once again my out of touchness bites me in the ass.

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  116. Aisle424

    [quote name=AndCounting]He’s back at CBS in Chicago, so you’re not alone. Jacobson is, too, for what it’s worth.[/quote]
    I’m waiting for them to sign Gene Siskel.

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  118. Rice Cube

    [quote name=AndCounting]Wow, that was a terrible call. That’s what happens when you stop too soon, dumbass.[/quote]
    You ever wonder why none of the Cubs coaches have picked up on that? Running through the base might do less damage to your knees anyway.

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  119. Aisle424

    [quote name=Rice Cube]You ever wonder why none of the Cubs coaches have picked up on that? Running through the base might do less damage to your knees anyway.[/quote]
    I’m betting Soriano mentored him to never run further than he absolutely has to.

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  120. AndCounting

    [quote name=Rice Cube]You ever wonder why none of the Cubs coaches have picked up on that? Running through the base might do less damage to your knees anyway.[/quote]Duh. He’s lazy and uncoachable.

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  122. Rice Cube

    Well played folks…but to be serious for a minute, if you guys see it sitting on your La-Z-Boys and the Cubs coaches don’t, then that is an additional layer of concern.

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  124. mb21

    I’d like to think the coaches have told him to run through the base, but it’s a habit that’s going to take a lot of work to break.

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  125. WenningtonsGorillaCock

    [quote name=AndCounting]Bill Kurtis is singing the stretch. What’s not to love?[/quote]I’m Bill Kurtis. I, Bill Kurtis, will be singing the stretch. I’m Bill Kurtis.

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  129. Suburban kid

    [quote name=mb21]Ramirez might be better off becoming a slap hitter at this point in his career.[/quote]He could do that very well. He’d hit more singles than Ryan Theriot and Kosuke combined.

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  131. Dr. Aneus Taint

    “White people never want to see race — with anything.”
    — Bradley

    Isn’t that the opposite of racism prejudice?

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  137. Mucker

    Man, Al is all over the fucking place. He’s been everywhere and he’s done everything. He’s Forrest Gump.

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  138. Aisle424

    [quote name=Muck Muckintuck]Man, Al is all over the fucking place. He’s been everywhere and he’s done everything. He’s Forrest Gump.[/quote]
    Not as smart though.

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  139. Mucker

    [quote name=Aisle424]Not as smart though.[/quote]Yeah but he does have some pretty good Gump like sayings. Like “Done. Deal. Sealed” or my personal favorite “Shut him right up”.

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  140. mb21

    I love how Shut him right up was used. Some White Sox fan yelling at him about how the Cubs suck after the Sox blew the Cubs out. Al turns to them and says “We did today. Shut him right up.” Then he and whoever he’s with have a laugh. What’s funny about it? I’m not one of them fun-suckers, but what is funny about that exchange? Funny in a retarded way? Ok.

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  141. Mucker

    [quote name=mb21]I love how Shut him right up was used. Some White Sox fan yelling at him about how the Cubs suck after the Sox blew the Cubs out. Al turns to them and says “We did today. Shut him right up.” Then he and whoever he’s with have a laugh. What’s funny about it? I’m not one of them fun-suckers, but what is funny about that exchange? Funny in a retarded way? Ok.[/quote]I know. Al is a simpleton. To think he actually thinks he got the better of that guy is hysterical.

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  142. Suburban kid

    He doesn’t think he got the better of the guy. I’ve never understood why you guys mock him for this. It’s called self-deprecating humor. Some of you guys must be too cool for that, but me and Al know what’s what.

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  147. Aisle424

    Al always reminds me of this column by Dave Barry about Humor Impaired people:

    Today we’re going to attempt a ground-breaking medical experiment in an effort to help those unfortunate readers who suffer from a tragic condition called: Humor Impairment. Don’t laugh! Humor Impairment afflicts Americans from all walks of life. Look at Richard Nixon. Here’s a man whose sense of humor was so badly stunted that he was forced, at White House social functions, to wear special undershorts equipped with radio-controlled electrodes so that his aides could signal him, via electric shocks, when he was supposed to laugh. Sometimes, if the guests were unusually witty, the chief executive wound up twitching like a fresh-caught mackeral as dangerous voltage levels were reached in his boxers.

    So it is possible for a Humor Impaired person, through courage and determination, to overcome his handicap, and maybe even someday, like Mr. Nixon, attain the ultimate political achievement of not getting indicted. But before we can treat Humor Impairment, we have to be able to recognize it. It can affect anyone. YOU could have it. To find out whether you do, ask yourself this: What was your reaction to the first paragraph of this column? Did you think: “Ha ha! That Nixon sure is a geek, all right!” Or did you think: “This is offensive, cheap, crude and vicious humor, making fun of a former president of the United States, a major public figure, an internationally recognized elder statesman, just because he is a geek.”

    If you had either of these reaction, you are not Humor Impaired, because you at least grasped that the paragraph was supposed to be funny. The Humor Impaired people, on the other hand, missed that point entirely. They are already writing letters to the editor saying: “They wouldn’t use electric shocks! They would use hand signals!” Or: “Where can I buy a pair of undershorts like that?” Trust me! I know these people! I hear from them all the time!

    In fact, that’s how I got the idea for the groundbreaking experiment. I had received a large batch of Humor Impaired letters responding to a column I wrote about Mister Language Person, and I was asking myself: How can I respond to these people in a humor column, when they don’t understand that it’s supposed to be humorous? That’s when I came up with my ground-breaking idea. You know how some TV shows are “closed captioned for the hearing impaired,” meaning that if you have a special TV set, you can get subtitles? Well, I thought, why couldn’t you do that with humor?

    So the rest of this ground-breaking column will be closed-captioned for the Humor Impaired. After each attempted joke, the humor element will be explained in parentheses, so that you Humor Impaired individuals can laugh right along with the rest of us. Ready? Here we go:

    Many readers were upset about a recent column by “Mister Language Person”, the internationally recognized expert (NOT TRUE) who periodically answers common language questions submitted by imaginary readers (HE MAKES THE QUESTIONS UP). All Mister Language Person’s answers are intended to be as accurate (NOT TRUE) and informative (NOT TRUE) as is humanly possible while still containing words such as “booger”. (“BOOGER” IS FUNNY.) No item is ever allowed to appear in Mister Language Person until trained grammarians have indicated their approval by barking at it in an excited manner. (THOSE ARE NOT GRAMMARIANS. THOSE ARE HIS DOGS.)

    Although I had thought that the Mister Language Person column met the usual high standards of accuracy (EVERYTHING IN IT WAS WRONG), it contained an item that attracted a very large amount of mail from astute readers (SARCASM: THESE PEOPLE APPEAR TO BE MISSING KEY BRAIN LOBES) (NOT LITERALLY) who saw that, in one of the items, something was wrong. Yes! In a column that was basically a teeming, writhing mass of wrong answers, these keen observers were somehow able to detect: a wrong answer. (HEAVY SARCASM.)

    The item that virtualy all these readers focused on was the one where an imaginary airline employee asked whether it was correct to say “A bomb has been placed on one of you’re airplanes” or “A bomb has been placed, on one of you’re airplanes”, (THIS IS NOT REALLY HOW AIRLINES HANDLE BOMB THREATS) (AS FAR AS WE KNOW) and Mister Language Person replied that the correct wording was “A bomb has been placed IN one of you’re airplanes.” (GET IT? IT’S STILL WRONG!! HA HA!) Many readers felt this answer was incorrect and took time out from their busy and rewarding careers in the demanding field of food chewing (PROBABLY NOT TRUE) to write letters containing quotes such as – I am not making these up (HE IS NOT MAKING THESE UP) – “I was shocked with the grammar” and “Never have I seen such a mistake in grammer” and “I sure hope you remember this small bit of information, being as you are a writer you should have known it already.”

    Well, readers, I’ve researched this issue carefully (NOT TRUE: HE DRANK A BEER), and although this is not easy for me to say, I have to admit it: Your right. Thanks for “straightening me out.” This job would not be the same without you. I mean it. (HE MEANS IT.)

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