Daily Facepalm 3.5.12 – Random state laws edition

This week in state laws

Lots of discussion in the comments this morning about state liquor and marriage laws yesterday. Apparently WaLi tried to get drunk and marry his cousin yesterday, and needed to make sure what states he was allowed to do that in.

Is there a Cubs game today?

The Cubs play an A's split squad today at HoHoKam. Pat and Zonk have the call on WGN radio, and will be calling Tuesday's and Wednesday's games as well.

Cubs lose 12-10 to the A's to kick off the Cactus league

The highlights:

Rodrigo Lopez and Marmol looked sharp, and Dolis and Trever Miller had scoreless outings. Not so much for Lendy Castillo, Jeff Beliveau, Dae-Eun Rhee and Marcos Mateo.
The Cubs TOOTBLANed twice in the same inning, as David DeJesus and Darwin Barney were both picked off 1b by Kurt Suzuki. Good to know that DeJesus is learning the Cubs Way. Sveum quote:

“The first instinct was right and the second instinct got you thrown out at first base instead of second base,” Sveum said. “If we had won that game today, we would’ve won it because of baserunning.”

(snip)

“I’ve told these guys your second instinct will always be wrong,” Sveum said.
Welington Castillo homered, and roster hopeful Adrian Cardenas hit a bases-loaded triple in the sixth as the Cubs rallied to tie the game.

Rodrigo Lopez "in the mix" for the rotation

Per Sveum. Also, Kendrys Morales "has a chance" to win the starting 1B job with the Los Angeles Angels of Disneyland, and I am "in the mix" for winning the Fields Medal.

On a related note

Former Cub Andrew Cashner reportedly hit 103 in his throwing session with the Padres earlier this week. Sounds like they need to get their guns calibrated.

Theo went on ESPN 1000 on Saturday

The Cub Reporter has a good recap of Theo's comments (h/t to GW for the link). Most notable is how impressed Theo is with the progress on the Dominican Facility

"We're way ahead of the game in how organized we are down in the Dominican, in how we teach the game from a player development standpoint, not only from a scouting standpoint. Those kids down there were really working hard, playing the game well and were fundamentally sound. From the other academies I've been to, you see the balls getting sprayed all over the place and it looks a long, long way from the big leagues. We have some really good instructors down there. You could see the kids were ahead of where they should have been fundamentally. That's something that's hard to build. The fact that is already in place now is a competitive advantage for us."

Pitcher maintenance strategies in spring training

Buried at the bottom of Gordo's recap of yesterday's game, Bosio has an apprently new (at least, new to me) strategy for dealing with pitch counts.

Chris Bosio and the staff are building up pitch counts quickly in bullpen sessions and batting practice (50-plus), then dropping the limit to 35 for first starts in games. “We built them up pretty good to try to stay away from the dead arm guys get in spring training,’’ Sveum said, “and then you just back them way down and start right back up from scratch again.’’

Today in awesomeness

[Flash 10 is required to watch video]

Daily Facepalm 3.1.12 – Expanded playoffs edition

Expanded playoffs have arrived

I thought this had already been decided, but the extra wild card has been approved. I'm kind of surprised that MLB would do this so close to the start of the season. Given the glacial pace at which MLB moved, I figured they had just decided that they were going to do it at some point, but whoa, whoa, let's not be all hasty here. As MB and I discussed yesterday, it doesn't really matter that much at this point if you add more teams. At 8 total teams the best team already has a very poor chance of winning everything, 2 more teams isn't going to make that much of a difference. And for the team that loses the wild-card play in game, I don't see how it's any more anticlimactic than say the 2008 Cubs postseason. 2 team playoff or GTFO, in my opinion.

Apparently most players are annoyed with the Braun situation too

A large majority of the players Buster Olney has spoken to are upset about the Braun decision. I agree with Calcaterra's take

Braun walking on this charge is no more of a threat to the drug testing system than a guy getting off on a burglary charge because the cops didn’t get a proper search warrant is a threat to the criminal justice system. You may hate the result, but the remedy is easy: get it right next time or change the rules to make what happened in that instance acceptable. It is not something that puts the entire regime in peril.

Finally, I’ll observe that these complaints all seem a little self-righteous to me. No one who ever wins on a procedural argument themselves ever seems to have a problem with it. And I suspect that the 80-90% of the players Olney spoke with here were under the gun themselves, they would not hesitate to make the same arguments Braun did if they or their legal advisors thought to do so.

Exactly. Be annoyed with the system that allowed this, not with the player('s lawyer) that shows how toothless it is.

Fireworks factory errata

The PBTNL have yet to be decided, but Hoyer said that the Red Sox will get the better PBTNL in the exchange. I don't think either of these guys will end up being worth anything – I fully expect both of the players moved to be organizational filler types.

Tom Ricketts to speak at SABR Analytics conference next month

Mind ——————> Blown

Cubs broadcasters ranked sixth in Fangraphs poll

Number 1 on the list is pretty obvious. As was number 31. It's too bad they didn't put any of the national broadcast teams in the mix (e.g. Buck/McCarver, Brennaman/whoever his stooge is, Miller/Morgan retro choice). I'd probably put all three of those teams just ahead of Hawk and the former Playgirl model.

The Cubs have a team psychologist in camp

Per Muskat. Did the Cubs have one around in the Hendry years? My memory is terrible. For some reason I think having around one might have come in handy over the past few years…

A.J. Burnett injured in his first week with the Pirates

It hasn't been a great offseason for him. He's out indefinitely with a fractured orbital bone after bunting a ball into his own face. This should put a big dent in the Pirates' dreams of passing the Cubs for 4th place in the NL Central this season.

Happy birthday, Harry

Daily Facepalm 2.29.12

Cubs go from maybe thinking about extending Garza to thinking about extending Garza. Or possibly cloning him. It's not clear.

Hoyer (via Orange Guy):

“We have a good relationship with Matt,” GM Jed Hoyer told Comcast SportsNet. “We need more Matt Garzas. We’ll sit down to talk to him about a deal. We’re hoping to get something worked out, but you never know and we’ll keep it private when we do.”

Talkin' Bloomberg

Blogs with Balls hosted an event with Cubs Assistant GM Shiraz Rehman last night discussing the team's partnership with Bloomberg Sports for their tech needs. Brett has a good writeup at Bleacher Nation. The Cubs are putting in all of their specifications to customize it, but I'm actually kind of bothered that they're doing it through Bloomberg, which many other teams use (though obviously with their own valuation criteria). I'd rather they just hired someone to build up a system entirely of their own, but that's just the build-from-scratch programmer in me. That also would take a lot longer, and they needed this pretty quickly.

Groin news of the day

Geo has a "mild" groin injury. I hope they sit him for two weeks – position players don't need much time to prep for the season and he needs to stay healthy if the Cubs are going to win 75 games.

Is there a Cubs game today?

No.

Old McMarmol has a farm

E-I-E-I-O

Dale Sveum is quicker on the uptake than Mike Quade

Also, the sky is blue.

The Cubs have no burners outside of Tony Campana, who is not a regular. Sveum said he believes some of the Cubs can "sneak steal when pitchers aren't paying attention" or when a pitcher has a slow delivery time to the plate.

It took Cuey 4 weeks to realize that the Cubs have shitty baserunners, so good on Sveumy. More:

Secondary leads (widening a lead after the pitch), and advancing from first to third on hits to the outfield are areas where Sveum hopes the Cubs can take advantage of the opponent.

Luckily baserunning is probably more coachable than defense. Or at least remind-able.

I hope you wore your yellow and blue today

Probably.

Daily Facepalm 2.24.2012

Not to Fifty!

Ryan Braun won't have to suffer the loss of 50 games from his life after winning his appeal and seeing his suspension overturned by an arbitor. This sucks for the Cubs and their fellow NL Central teams who don't want to see the Brewers gain the extra 2-3 wins Braun is likely to add to their lineup over a third of a season. But this is great for people who believe in following rules, which I'm pretty sure is most of the people who care about PED testing in the first place . . . in theory, at least.

That's the whole point, right, to follow the rules? If Ryan Braun used steroids, that's cheating, whether it helped him do better or not, yes? And it matters because numbers matter in baseball. And if we can't trust the numbers, we can't really enjoy baseball (a truth sabermetricians and old school record-loving hardliners can agree on . . . or something). So, for the numbers to mean anything, for baseball to feel pure, we have to follow the rules and punish those who don't. MLB didn't.

Braun's sample was collected on Oct. 1, a Saturday and the day the Brewers opened the NL playoffs. The collector did not send the sample to the laboratory until Monday, thinking it would be more secure at home than at a Federal Express office during the weekend.

Baseball's drug agreement states that "absent unusual circumstances, the specimens should be sent by FedEx to the laboratory on the same day they are collected."

So they broke the rules. Granted, keeping Ryan Braun's piss in your fridge is probably tantamount to an unusual circumstance, but the collector, acting as an agent of Major League Baseball, broke the rules. So MLB should be punished, and today they were.

Do we still have reason to suspect that Ryan Braun cheated? Sure. He's a human and a baseball player, and I have my suspicions about that entire lot. Let's not pretend we all trust each other. We don't. That's why we enforce rules about transporting pee-pee. Baseball players don't trust MLB any more than MLB trusts the players. But anyway, the only significant evidence we have that Ryan Braun cheated is a sample we can't trust because it was handled improperly. And nobody wants to mess around with an improperly handled urine sample.

We don't know for sure if Braun's test would have failed. We don't know for sure if he broke the rules (if we didn't have reason to suspect he did break the rules, MLB wouldn't be testing him in the first place . . . they suspect everyone). So right now, we're no further along in the accusatory process than we ever were in Braun's case. Why? Because of what we do know for sure: MLB cheated. They held on to his sample too long. They broke the rules. They lose. They can vehemently disagree with the decision all they want, but they can't disagree with the fact that they broke the rules. If MLB wants to cheat without consequences, I suggest they revisit the 1990s. Or the 1980s. Or the 1970s, '60s, '50s, '40s, '30s, '20s, '10s, or the 1908s. But now that baseball has finally entered an era in which they've decided that cheating should be punished, their disagreement with this decision falls flat.

If you still think Ryan Braun is guilty, I'm going to go ahead and not worry about what's going on in your brain. He maybe cheated. He maybe didn't. I certainly do not care what everyone's guesses are. I'm just glad MLB got screwed for breaking the rules. Like confidentiality. MLB sucks at that one. MLB deserves to see test mishandling and corporate rule-breaking blow up in its face.

That's the crappy thing about being holier-than-thou. It becomes really for fun for all the thous to watch when your holiness get pissed on.

Is there a Cubs game today?

No.

Whitney Houston Performance I Recently Enjoyed

I submit this without irony. Well, not a ton of irony.

Daily Facepalm 2.22.12

We just have the point-after-try to kick, or something

Several months ago, we were on the "five yard line" in the Theo compensation situation. Since then we've crossed the blue line, stepped into the paint, crossed the box, and veered right at the fireworks factory exit, and now it's finally been decided that Cubs prospect Chris Carpenter would be the compensation. There are still PBTNLs going each way that will be decided by April 15, since it has to be an officially official player trade. Everyone in the Chicago media is all confused because there wasn't an official trade when the Rays traded Randy Winn to Seattle for Lou, or the Ozzie 'trade'/tampering with the Marlins. Except there was, as MB pointed out:

October 28, 2002: Traded by the Tampa Bay Devil Rays to the Seattle Mariners for Antonio Perez.

Florida Marlins traded RHP Jhan Marinez and SS Osvaldo Martinez to Chicago White Sox and Bristol White Sox traded RHP Ricardo Andres to Greensboro Grasshoppers.

Cubs have four of BA's top 100 prospects

Cubs prospects Brett Jackson (32), Anthony Rizzo (47), Javier Baez (61), and Matt Szczur (Szxzxty-Fourth) made BA's annual list. BA loves the vowel challenged multi-sport athlete much more than most prospect listers. Read more about it in MB's post from yesterday.

Rotational news

Bruce Levine thinks that Travis Wood will have a spot in the rotation. I wonder who he thinks will be third though. He says that he thinks Maholm and Wood will be 4th and 5th, with Volstad, Wells, and F7 battling for the spot behind them. So then the rotation would be

1. Garza

2. Dempster

3 ??

4. Maholm

5. Wood

6. World Series Bound!!!!11!

I think the Cubs are better off just stashing Wood in AAA to keep down his service time. He has options left (I think just one), but it's very unlikely that they won't have to burn it at some point this year.

Spring Training positional battles

Not much is generally decided in spring training beyond the 2-3 players fighting for the last spots on the roster. In the same chat, Bruce thinks that the Cubs need another backup middle IF, which doesn't make sense at all. Hendry's fingerprints are still all over the organization, and his fingerprints take the form of middling second basemen, What the Cubs probably need most is a backup right-handed corner infielder so Stewart or LaHair aren't stuck playing against LHP.

(h/t to Bleacher Nation for the Levine chat link)

Why, indeed

Just asked Rizzo if he sees the Cubs winning a World Series in the next five years. His response: "Why not this year?"

— Doug Padilla (@ESPNChiCubs) February 22, 2012

MO's worst nightmare

New manager Dale Sveum set up a ~two-week bunting contest among Cubs players. I kind of like this idea. The Cubs suck at fundamentals, maybe this will help. We know nothing about the kinds of drills that go on in the minors, but this seems vastly more motivating than just plowing through the same old drills.

The Cubs just need to figure out something similar for TOOTBLANs. Free OV subscription goes to whoever thinks of a similar Spring Training contest for the Cubs woeful baserunners.

Community returns on the Ides of March

I know there are a bunch of fans here, and show creator Dan Harmon confirmed that Community will return March 15 at 8pm. Given the show's luck, this could be an elaborate scheme by NBC to assassinate the show on the Greendale Student Senate's steps or something.

1b price war news from The Shire

The Trib reports that Thoyer told LaHair months ago that they had no intention to sign Fielder or Pujols, and to ignore any rumors to that effect. Of course, they could be lying, but it was pretty nice of them to let LaHair know not to worry, and it's not like the Chicago media were going to interview him while he was playing winter ball when they're too busy chasing down purple-shirted sources down the block.

Cheap laugh of the day

A Cubs fan bought the domain name for the Red Sox spring training park, www.jetbluepark.com

Simpsons quote of the day

Recent song of the day

Daily Facepalm 2.20.2012 – They’re back.

Player Recently in the Best Shape of His Life: Carlos Marmol

Carlos Marmol dropped 515 pounds in the offseason. He dropped 15 of his own pounds and he dropped the 500-lb gorilla in his pitching arsenal: his mystifying cutter – not mystifying the way his slider can be (Where did that thing go?), but mystifying like the remake of Footloose (. . . Why?). Dale Sveum and pitching coach Chris Bosio claim to have already worked with him on ways to keep his pitching motion (and hopefully his attempts to frequent the strike zone) under control, and he alluded to the possibility that the cutter could be gone for good. Just the Superfriends being the Superfriends.

Cubs Photo I Recently Enjoyed

Wells and Beef Castle beg for your captions.

Scott Strazzante, Chicago Tribune / February 19, 2012

Hope Tweets Eternal

Calling it; The #Cubs are going to win 100 games this season.

— Allie (@AllieJ48) February 19, 2012

I was told this would never happen again!

The Cubs are introducing dynamic ticket pricing for bleacher tickets this season, which means someone who paid close to $100 for a premier ticket could be sitting right next to someone who paid only $10. This has to hurt bleacher elitists who have been enjoying the country club that is premium bench seating without invasion from the groundlings. Oh, but it should help the Cubs make as much money as possible. I'll let you draw your own conclusions about the merits of a business making money.

CPR Tutorial I Recently Enjoyed

Daily Facepalm – 2.17.12

This week in Best Shape of His Life

Geovany Soto dropped 25 pounds this offseason. If you recall, he also lost a lot of weight before his breakout 07/08 seasons. If you combine this with the fact that Soto has been vastly more productive in even numbered years then he's due for something like 97 home runs this year.

In further news, Tony Campana added 12 pounds of muscle this offseason working out with Tim Buss in Arizona. So now he can use all 110 of those pounds to hit the ball out of the infield.

Carlos Zambrano talks about his departure

“I’ve always had a lot of respect for the people of Chicago,” he said. “From the fans to the front office, I want to thank them for treating me like a professional for the past 11 years. All I have for Chicago is gratitude and respect.”

I'm too lazy to look, but I'm sure Paul Sullivan is hard at work on a bitter screed on how Carlos neglected to thank the Chicago media for treating him like a professional. Because, well, they didn't.

Is There a Cubs game today?

Is there Wrigley Talk Friday today?

Check it out here at 1:00 PM CT.

Today in DFA

We should find out of Blake DeWitt is still a Chicago Cub today. It has been ten-plus days since he was designated for assignment.

Undecided decisions by deciders

There's still no update on the Theo compensation. I liked GW's suggestion from yesterday that we'll find out that the compensation will be a PBTNL, just to drag this out further.

In bonus non-decisions, there's still no ruling as to whether Braun will be suspended or not.

Non Kate Upton image I recently enjoyed

Video of the day

Daily Facepalm 2.15.12

Jorge Soler a Cub, then Jorge Soler not a Cub

Reports that the Cubs had signed Jorge Soler yesterday proved to be premature. Could he be signed today? It could go either way. The Yankees have been added to the mix of interested teams, but given how this offseason has played out I'm betting on Mystery Team

Cubs transactions MB21 recently enjoyed

In the midst of yesterday's argument about whether the rumored Soler deal was worth it, we were reminded that MB does not seethe at every move the Cubs make. Let's not forget that the Sean Marshall and Andrew Cashner trades were pretty good, as well as signing Reed and DeJesus. We don't hate everything around here (laughing). Just Mish.

Is there a Cubs game today?

No.

News in pitchers that I thought the Cubs had already signed

The Cubs are interested in bringing Ramon Ortiz back to be the eleventh starter. Honestly I thought the Cubs had already signed him, but in my defense it's easy to mix him up with Andy Sonnanstine, Ryan Rowland-Smith, Casey Coleman, and Rodrigo Lopez.

This week in stellar Chicago media

The local NBC picked up an unconfirmed rumor "from Wrigleyville" that the Cubs were maybe thinking about playing at The Cell next year during Wrigley renovations. The Cubs denied the rumor. No word on the shirt color of NBC's source. I am disappointed that this didn't come from a certain ABC morning show, or Tribune Tower.

If the Cubs do need to clear out for a season (or at least a non-trivial chunk of time) it's pretty obvious that the Cell is where they need to go. How many fans, especially STH are going to schlep up to Milwaukee for 81 games? It's not bad to do for a single Brewers series but if they're already having trouble drawing fans for Wednesday Pirates-Cubs games, how many do you think would turn up if you add an hour or so drive (if there's no traffic) with no public transportation or Wrigleyville bar scene to the mix? It would be a disaster. Not to mention that the idea the Cubs would be ready for major renovations one year from now given the number of permits/kickbacks/paperwork they'll have to get through with the city.

Woodworking products Koyie Hill wishes he recently enjoyed

I'm too dumb to figure out how to embed this video, so here's the link (Don't be so hard on yourself, Bersy)

The Colbert Report

Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

People Who Are Destroying America – SawStop

www.colbertnation.com

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Cubs org meetings begin today in Mesa

Per Carrie Muskat the Cubs organizational meetings begin today. Usually these take place not long after the World Series but the org chart was a little unsettled this offseason. Also per Muskat the Cubs are waiting with bated breath to see if they can keep Blakey.

Pitchers and Catchers report in 3 days

The official start day is Saturday. We can all get excited for 5 minutes before we realize that real baseball is still over a month away.

Fewer Noon games this year, presumably

FOX is moving many of its Saturday games to primetime, which means that there should be fewer noon starts caused by the national blackout worked into FOX's MLB deal. I'm guessing the blackout restriction is waived in these cases, because there's no way the 20+ other teams that play on Saturday nights are going to move those games.

Daily Facepalm 2.14.2012

Cubs May or May Not Have Added a Cuban

We're still on Jorge Soler watch, which I suspect will result in a brand new member of the "Putting Cub in Cuban" club. All the stories supposedly shooting down the van Dyck article suggesting the Cubs have a tentative deal in place basically restate what the original article already said: they can't make the agreement officially official, so officially there's no official deal. That's not a refutation. I highly suspect the Cubs make this deal. But my suspicions are generally highly suspect, so believe what you will.

Cubs' Win-Now Mindset

The Cubs are not focused on the future, despite their obvious focus on the future. Or something. I can't possibly improve on MB's assessment of the Cubs' win-now approach heading into the spring

That’s probably a good philosophy because once spring is over so is the winning.

Dale Sveum is a bit more optimistic, saying the Cubs aren't rebuilding, they're just building. Which essentially means the Cubs aren't deconstructing a dynasty, they're building on a sandlot.

You're killing me, Smalls.

Fukudome —–> White Side of the Rivalry

Kosuke Fukudome is signing with the White Sox for 1 year, $1 million. Cue throngs of incredulous fans wondering how a past-his-prime player could be signed for less money four years after signing for a lot.

Video Aisley Recently Posted about the Cubs' New Spending Tendencies

Tweet MB Recently Enjoyed

6 things you might not know about the all new #DallasTNT: hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/tca-…

— Dallas (@Dallas_TNT) January 17, 2012

Is There a Cubs Game Today?

No.

Shape of the Day

Daily Facepalm 2.13.12

Cuban outfielder update

The Cubs are apparently no longer in on Cespedes, according to Joe Frisaro. He and KG have heard from sources that the Cubs are making a "big, big push" for 19-year old Cuban outfielder Jorge Soler. According to Frisaro the Cubs are willing to spend $27.5m, though it is unknown over how many years.

Here's BA's report of Soler from a month or so ago, helpfully linked by Pezcore:

He's a 19-year-old athlete with five-tool potential. Six-foot-3 and 205 pounds, Soler has explosive bat speed and power potential. He also has plus speed and arm strength and profiles as a classic right fielder, though he runs well enough to play center. Because of his youth, he'll need some time to develop, but he should be worth the wait.

As for the 2012 Top 100 Prospects list, Soler is somewhat similar to Royals outfielder Bubba Starling, the fifth overall pick in the 2011 draft. Starling has the advantages of being more athletic and a better bet to stay in center field. I'd see both of them sitting in the 11-20 range on our next Top 100.

Soler is four years younger and more talented than Leonys Martin, another Cuban outfielder who signed a $15.6 million major league contract with the Rangers in April. Once Soler is cleared to sign with a major league team, he's expected to top Martin's deal.

News in Z

Per Buster Olney, apparently Z has been clocked at 94-95 mph this winter. No word on whether he is in the best shape of his life, or whether that 95 mph reading came while Z was driving his car.

Is there a Cubs game today?

No.

Player I wish was around to give quotes to spice up this eventless season.

Brandon McCarthy:

Gronkowski is a grown man who’s allowed to do whatever he feels like doing. Just because you’re grieving as a New England fan, doesn’t mean all the players should be sitting in a hotel conference room alternating between crying and devising a plan to get Tim Tebow and his super magic in a trade.

also:

The hats: Really scraping the bottom of the barrel here, but I think this is the most common complaint. MLB issues these spring training hats that are pretty universally hated. They usually have a silly line(s) on them so they’re different from the regular season hats, and the material feels like a wet dish rag if you sweat in them (which you will). Every day that you put them on, you get the same sad feeling Ralphie got in A Christmas Story when he’s wearing the footed pajamas.

(h/t to Mish and Tango)

Xanatos Gambit of the weekend

Courtesy of fang:

I seriously am half-wondering if Thoyer signed him [Concepcion] on behalf of some Japanese team or something who has a trade chip they’re after, thus rendering the MLB options and everything meaningless. That rule 5 thing they did flipping some random to the Monterrey Sultanas was so weird that I keep thinking that some equal and opposite weird thing is going to have to happen later that will make sense of it.

Has the Theo compensation been decided yet?

Speaking of The Simpsons

Apparently the Grammy awards were last night. I've never been a big fan of awards events but The Simpsons long ago cemented my opinion as to the relative worth of the Grammys.