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It’s been almost a month since Rob Manfred discussed the possible, out-there, well-maybe-I-would-do-this-if-I-got-really-drunk-at-a-party changes with Karl Ravech. (Don’t worry, the “Ten Changes AndCounting Should Make to His Posting Habits” post is in the works including #6: “Consider posting every four years rather than annually or just whenever a new president is sworn into office or upon the closing ceremonies of every Olympics hosted in Russia.”) If you’ve forgotten, never watched, or are Karl Ravech’s or Rob Manfred’s mom and just want to watch every chance you get, here’s the video:
After watching the video a few times (and by “a few,” I mean zero) I got to thinking about what changes MLB really should make, and I’ve been working on compiling a list ever since. (Never rush a list of changes to MLB, kid, you’ll get rotten miracles.) So without much further ado (here’s some ado: Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon are hilarious) here they are:
10. Take three weeks off the regular season schedule and expand playoff teams to 8 in each league. Yeah, yeah, no owners want to lose 9 or 10 home games’ worth of revenue, but I’m guessing most owners would trade 9 or 10 home game gates for the shot at three or four extra postseason games with exorbitantly higher ticket prices and, well, winning and stuff.
From viewing perspective, good DeRosa, it would be fun to watch. Granted, the last month of the regular season really would be more exciting only for the league’s average to below-average teams and their fans and9 far less exciting for the league’s top tier . . . but that’s how it should be. In what other sport do the best teams bite their nails at the end of the regular season over whether they’ll make the playoffs or not? They don’t. There’s no reason for that to be the case in baseball. Imagine, eight best-of-seven series across baseball to begin the postseason (or even four 9-game round-robin groups with the top two teams from each group advancing to lessen the likelihood of a fluke early-round exit). This move would vastly improve the quality of baseball being played league-wide for the last two months of the MLB calendar. It should’ve been done a long time ago.
9. New home-plate collision rule: the catcher is part of home plate until he possesses the baseball, at which point making contact with him results in an out. Bear with me, here. It’s actually pretty simple, as complicated as it sounds, especially compared to the current rule. If the catcher is blocking home plate without possession of the ball, all a baserunner has to do to score is touch the catcher. If the catcher does possess the baseball, all he need do to retire a baserunner attempting to score is make contact with him in any way. So . . . imagine a play at the plate, the catcher waiting expectantly for the throw from the outfield, the baserunner charging down the baseline toward him. Under the old rules, a catcher could simply camp out in front of home plate even if he expected the baserunner to arrive before the throw. Using his body as a shield, a catcher could make it more difficult for the runner to score. But if the catcher were considered part of home plate, the runner need only run by and touch him, slide into him. The human shield strategy would make it easier for a runner to score, shortening the distance between third and home. And if the throw did beat the runner, colliding with the catcher would be an instant out. It wouldn’t matter if the catcher applied the tag, dropped the ball upon impact, or swallowed the ball like a grape. As soon as the runner and catcher made contact, the runner would be out. Under this rule, initiating brutal contact would benefit neither the catcher nor the runner . . . it would just be stupid. Basically, the rule removes any incentive to make contact and addresses the simple fact that baseball players value runs over bodily safety, rendering their caveman sensibilities moot and preserving their tiny, run-loving brains. You’re welcome.
8. Fix the Marlins jerseys and stadium. I mean, come on. This is baseball, not the circus. The circus is scary. We all need a safe place to eat our peanuts without the fear of exploding rainbow trout clowns eating our eyeballs out and molesting our skulls.
7. Stop granting batters time outs between pitches. If the pitcher is on the mound with the ball, he can pitch. Forget the pitch clock. Just let the pitcher pitch according to the rules.
6. Computerize the strike zone. It’s 2015. Let umpires make the calls from a digital readout or something, I don’t care. But we know exactly what a strike is and what a ball is. The human component is preserved in the fact that humans have worked their asses off to develop the technology to know if a pitch passes through the strike zone.
5. Expand instant replay challenge system to include orders from hot dog vendors. If you discover your brat is soggy, you should be able to return that shit.
4. Decide home-field advantage in the World Series based on regular season record. Please. Let every All Star Game end in a tie, I don’t care.
3. Eliminate the divisions. Just two 15-team leagues with an unbalanced schedule that emphasizes local rivalries. Top 8 teams in each league advance. All divisions do is divide us. We are one, people. Except for the American League. Those guys are chumps.
2. DH for everybody. Forget what I said about the AL, pitchers shouldn’t hit. Or if they do hit, you should be able to substitute a DH for anybody you want at any point in the game. I don’t care. But rules should be the same in each league. We all know it.
1. Require the Cubs to win the World Series. I mean COME ON.