The Children Are The Future-Cubs Minor League Update Sponsored by Sunny D

In News And Rumors by Obstructed View Staff56 Comments

Iowa

The Iowa Cubs faced top prospect Shelby Miller last night and roughed him up. Miller gave up 7 hits and 4 runs in 5 innings as Adrian Cardenas touched him up for a HR. On the AGGRESSIVE BASERUNNING side of things Rizzo and Brett Jackson were caught stealing. This is a reoccurring theme at about every level this year it seems as AGGRESSIVE BASERUNNING must be a key part of the new Cubs way of fucking things up. WS hero Allen Craig made a rehab start and got a pair of HR's of Travis Wood. 

Smokies

No Game

Daytona

Matt Szzrzr continues his hot streak going 2-5 with a triple and a SB. In his last 10 games he is batting .333 with a .435 OBP and 9! stolen bases. Even though Kevin Goldstein has ragging on him this morning I am higher on Spellcheck Jr than last year. I hope he gets promoted to Tenn at some point so people like me will have 1 reason to give a shit about that team. Rubi Silva continues to mash picking up 3 hits of his own.

Peoria

Geraldo Concepcion is wasting no time in trying to take the title of most underperforming pitching prospect away from Hayden Simpson. After give up 5 ER in his debut on Wednesday Concepcion went all out and gave up 7 ER while not even finish the inning. He now has an amazing 12 ER allowed in less than 6 IP. In better news, Zeke Devoss went 2-3 with a pair of stolen bases. 

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  1. Author
    SkipVB

    Have the Cubs got you down? Do you feel depressed and tired watching Geovany Soto’s .224 OBP and Carlos Zambrano’s replacement’s 6+ ERA?

    DRINK SunnyD! Our special blend of high fructose corn syrup, traces of alar, and FD&C yellow dye #32 will get your heart racing and mood improved in no time. The kids will love it and they’ll start charging around the house like Texas Rangers feasting on Boston pitching. You’ll love it too. Hyperactivity never tasted SO great.

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  2. Author
    SkipVB

    Soriano is a streaky hitter so he will probably have one good month in him this year, but that’s about it.

    True, but this year his good month was March.

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  3. Author
    SkipVB

    Not-Theo In-rose-colored-shades responds to the batter assessment in the last thread.

    The Good.
    1. Barney’s OBP is better than his projected wOBA, and the OBP doesn’t even include his HR. Barney’s doing better than Barney. And he’s scrappy.

    2. We flipped the worst slash line ever for Michael Bolton. He sings awesome. (what’s that? It’s Bowden, not Bolton? Does he sing? From Boston? Why are we still talking to that a–h— Luccino. Didn’t I put a memo out about that?)

    3. Joooooooeeeee MATHERRRRRRRR. Josh said it best. And I like his dancing fans, even if that douchebag SkipVB gave him crap about them.

    Yeah, well, otherwise, I can’t disagree. This is all I’ve got.

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  4. Author
    Suburban kid

    ‎’The majority (of rich people) would rather douse their dicks with lighter fluid, strike a match, and dance around singing “Disco Inferno” than pay one more cent in taxes to Uncle Sugar.’

    /Stephen King

    //STOPping now. Just thought it was a funny quote.

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  5. Author
    GBTS

    Tampa Bay Times saying Longoria out 6-8 weeks, though Friedman says that’s not confirmed and he hasn’t even had an MRI yet.

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  6. Author
    Rice Cube

    Levine response I recently enjoyed:

    Dan (Orlando )

    If The Shark is the only starting pitcher who may be on the Cubs’ staff when they complete down the road, can you give me the name of two or three minor league pitchers who we may see in the rotation in three years?

    Bruce Levine (1:34 PM)

    Don’t have the crystal ball to say who will be there in 2-3 years. Right now I can tell you that a lot of the prospects in the future that will be in those roles are probably in other teams systems.

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  7. Author
    Mercurial Outfielder

    @ Rice Cube:
    So he can’t predict for the Cubs, but he can predict for nebulous players on other teams. Solid work from Levine.

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  8. Aisle424

    Mercurial Outfielder wrote:

    So he can’t predict for the Cubs, but he can predict for nebulous players on other teams. Solid work from Levine.

    I think it means that there aren’t any guys in the current system that would realistically be in the Cubs rotation. They’ll have to come from somewhere, so that means someone else’s system, whether that is via trade or FA.

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  9. Aisle424

    It seems like Kate Upton is a porn actress that got discovered by the mainstream before she actually had to do any porn. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

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  10. Author
    Mercurial Outfielder

    @ Aisle424:

    I think that’s a fair reading, but what he said was that he couldn’t predict anything for Cubs pitchers, but then went on to imply other pitchers in other systems would do well. That’s simultaneously banal and contradictory.

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  11. Author
    EnricoPallazzo

    Aisle424 wrote:

    It seems like Kate Upton is a porn actress that got discovered by the mainstream before she actually had to do any porn. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    most accurate statement i have read all day.

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  12. Author
    uncle dave

    Say, was there ever a piece done about how to do things like embed photos or video or links or whatever on the (now not-so-) new site? I hate to say it, but the old format made me lazy and I forgot how to do all of that stuff (dying laughing). Is there a post about posts?

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  13. Berselius

    @ uncle dave:

    For links, just copy and paste them into the comments

    For images, use the img button above

    You should be able to use the video embed code on youtube videos to put them up here, just put the code in the comment box

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  14. Author
    Rice Cube

    Via Muskat:

    * Bryan LaHair hit five home runs in April, more than half of the team’s total nine homers for the month. The last Cubs player to account for more than half of the team’s homers in a month was Sammy Sosa, who hit 17 in August 2001, and the team totaled 32.

    1. Sammy Sosa was awesome.

    2. 2012 Cubs really really really suck.

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  15. Author
    SkipVB

    null
    The comments above, including comment 5, do not necessarily represent the views of SunnyD, the owners of this blog, WordPress, the Chicago Cubs, the commenters herein, the commenter that commented on SunnyD, or DylanJ. If you experience rapid heartbeat; a sudden loss of hearing or sexual performance; shortness of breath; unusual nausea; hives, measles or other rashes; irritation of the big toe; drymouth; or hyperactivity, stop use of SunnyD immediately. Well, except maybe for drymouth, which SunnyD might help, at least temporarily. However, if Kate Upton discloses that she drinks SunnyD before dancing, and you look like Kate Upton, please drink more SunnyD. If you don’t look like Kate Upton, then SunnyD will only make your dancing look dumber, you clumsy geek.

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  16. Author
    uncle dave

    Berselius wrote:

    @ uncle dave:
    For links, just copy and paste them into the comments
    For images, use the img button above
    You should be able to use the video embed code on youtube videos to put them up here, just put the code in the comment box

    Thanks, B. I might be missing something, though — there are no buttons above the comment box. Might be my browser (I’m stuck at work with IE). Has anyone else had that issue?

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  17. Author
    SkipVB

    @ uncle dave:
    Yes, I’ve had that problem, but not with IE, because I don’t use it. When I had a similar question, I heard that mb never uses IE so the site probably isn’t optimized for it. In my case, I use a script blocker and it was blocking either gravatar or yardbarker (can’t remember which) and that kept the buttons from showing up. When I unblocked those scripts, it all worked fine, as shown by the annoying orange SunnyD pic I posted.

    If your IE is at work, could be your employer (the feds?) is blocking it.

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  18. Author
    SkipVB

    Rice Cube wrote:

    * Bryan LaHair hit five home runs in April, more than half of the team’s total nine homers for the month.The last Cubs player to account for more than half of the team’s homers in a month was Sammy Sosa, who hit 17 in August 2001,

    I bet if we went back to 2001, we could find a number of examples where a Cubs hitter hit 9 HR in a month, equal to the entire Cubs output for April. I don’t have a Cubs HR/mo data sorter, but I bet we’d see the following names on the list
    Soriano
    D Lee
    Aramis
    Sammy (many times)

    Heck, even Tuffy Rhodes can equal 1/3 of the Cubs’ April output.

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  19. Berselius

    @ uncle dave:

    You can also just write the HTML code. For example, the image above was done with

    +img src=”http://www.allproudamericans.com/worst-job-applicant-cover-letter-ever.jpg”+

    except replace the + with open and closed angle brackets

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  20. Author
    Mercurial Outfielder

    ACT wrote:

    LaHair now has a TRNSFRM of 1.000. His WARG is high, though, so it must be sustainable.

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  21. Author
    Mercurial Outfielder

    @ dylanj:
    Julie’s already started the “Good Rex/Bad Rex” thing with F7. If he has a bad start tonight, I bet that shit cements.

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  22. Author
    uncle dave

    @ Berselius:
    @ SkipVB:
    Thanks, guys. I actually was able to update my browser and the idiot buttons are now visible, so maybe I’m not as dumb as I thought I was. Maybe.

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  23. Author
    Mercurial Outfielder

    I think GBTS just found the reaction gif tumblr. (dying laughing)

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