My Small Brush With Tony Gwynn’s Greatness

Tony Gwynn was probably the best pure hitter I’ve ever seen play in my life. I also saw Pete Rose and Wade Boggs play, but those are the only two I would consider an argument about and I believe Gwynn was better.

He was always one of my favorite players even though he was a member of the 1984 Padres team that beat the Cubs. He was too good and seemed like too good of a guy to have any lasting resentment.

This morning, reports of his death spread over Twitter so fast and so out-of-the-blue that I checked a few places to try to see if this was just some vicious hoax. It didn’t take long to see credible sources popping up all over with the same terrible news. Tony Gwynn had died of cancer. And I was left in shock.

Part of it is that I don’t feel old enough to expect baseball players of my teenage years to be dying off. But part of it is he was one of the few baseball icons I ever had the opportunity to interact with in even any small way.

Back on April 30, 1999, I took a day off work and headed down to Wrigley to catch a Friday afternoon game between the Cubs and Padres. It was a beautiful sunny day so I got down there when the park opened and went to watch batting practice. I headed down to the wall by the visitors bullpen and I took in all the warm-ups and observed all the other folks who were trying to get Padre autographs.

Now, the Padres were pretty bad at that time. Phil Nevin was batting clean-up and something called a Quilvio Veras was leading off. Reggie Sanders was on the team but he must have been going through one of his billion or so injuries because he didn’t play the day I was there. Amid all the flotsam and jetsam in the lineup was Tony Gwynn batting .412 at the time as he chased his 3,000th career hit. That was the Padres. Tony Gwynn and if they had a lead late, Trevor Hoffman. That was about it.

So you would think that the Padres would be a fun group of guys without giant egos.  Nope. They were dicks. They ignored every fan request for a ball or an autograph. When a stray ball came near the wall they’d pretend to throw it to a kid and then laugh and head back out onto the field. I’m not an autograph guy and I don’t understand adults who are, but these were mostly kids and these no names were acting like they were baseball royalty.

Then Tony Gwynn came over. Immediately the crowd couldn’t give two fucks about Phil Nevin and everyone wanted Tony to sign something. He wandered over and started signing. And signing. And chatting with people as he went. And still more signing. He smiled the whole time.

As he drew nearer to where I was, I didn’t have anything for him to sign, but I figured I had to at least SAY something to him. As a fairly introverted person, I knew my odds of ever having more opportunities to say anything to a sure-fire Hall of Fame baseball player were pretty small. So as he signed some kid’s hat near me, I said, “Hey Tony, could you do me a favor and not get your 3,000th hit against the Cubs this series?”

He looked at me and said, “I think you’ll be OK, I’m still about 40 away.” (Which was true.)

“Yeah,” I said, “but you haven’t faced our bullpen yet.”

He just about fell over laughing and said, “Well, I’ll try to take it easy on them.”

Then he went back to signing and chatting with the growing crowd as people realized he was there. He didn’t stop until the on-field warm-up was over and all the Padres were jogging off the field.

Today we’ll hear all about what a great hitter he was. We’ll hear about how hard it was to strike him out. We’ll hear about what a great swing he had. We’ll hear about his eight batting titles, his 3,141 career hits, his .338 career batting average, his streak of 18 consecutive seasons batting over .300…

But what I’ll remember is that day when he genuinely seemed to enjoy interacting with the fans when he had every reason to act above it, like his far less talented teammates. And I’ll remember that I made him laugh.

RIP, Tony Gwynn. Fifty-four is far too young.

Tony-Gwynn

The Cubs Suck Because of You (and Me)

Rick Morrissey is the latest media member to jump on the Cubs for having the audacity to do marketing this year to sell tickets.

I know I have been less than kind to the Cubs when they pull bullshit moves like rolling out a cuddly cartoon bear instead of actually making the major league team any better, but I’ve also acknowledged that they don’t really have a choice.  You can’t just expect a business to stop trying to convince you to spend money on it just because the product is no good. Hardly anybody gets irate when Taco Bell tries to pass off their newest arrangements of meat, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, and tortillas as some kind of authentic Mexican cuisine.

So why do we get so pissed off when the Cubs do it? I can’t speak for Rick or any of the other people who have gotten angry that the Cubs ARE ONLY SELLING THEIR BALLPARK BECAUSE THEY KNOW THE TEAM SUCKS, but I can explain why it bugs me so much whenever I have the energy to bother paying attention to it…

It’s fucking working.

But the stadium is always empty! Look at all the no-shows! Things can’t continue like this!

Sure they can. Maybe not forever, but the Cubs are doing plenty of business to get by while they wait for the kiddies to be ready for prime time.

This has been one of the coldest, most miserable Springs in my memory in Chicago. It’s been brutal and the few nice days have conveniently often occurred when the Cubs were out of town. There has literally been no reason at all to go to watch the Cubs play a baseball game at Wrigley Field so far this year unless someone handed you a free ticket and you had absolutely nothing else going on. But as of yesterday, the Cubs rank 7th in all of baseball in percentage of the ballpark sold with 77.7%. They are 9th in average attendance with 31,998 per game.

Almost 32,000 people per game have plunked down perfectly good money to watch a team that has managed two wins in a row three times all season, and has never won three in a row.

They are outdrawing Milwaukee, who had the best record in baseball for awhile and still lead the NL Central. They are outdrawing Detroit, who has the current best record in baseball. They are neck and neck with Colorado (and actually have them beat in ballpark percentage sold), who have the best run differential in the National League, and they are kicking the living crap out of Oakland, who have a MLB best +95 run differential.

They are outdrawing four of the six division leaders and two of the four current wildcard leaders. The Cubs record right now is the worst in baseball (yes, even worse than the Astros).

So if you want to get mad that the Cubs are ignoring the major league roster while going through this rebuild, get pissed at your fellow Cubs fans. They are still buying what the Cubs are selling at an amazing rate. If you want to know why Theo doesn’t want to give the fans “cookies” just to make them feel better, they’re not giving him any reason at all to change his mind.

So you can talk about no-shows all you want and how things absolutely must change, but the fact of the matter is the Cubs are on pace to sell almost 2.6 million seats. That would only be about 50,000 off last year’s pace, which wasn’t terrible considering it was the third straight 90+ loss season in a row. I mean, this team could very well lose almost 400 games in four seasons and still draw over 2.5 million at the end of the last year of the streak. That’s fucking ridiculous.

But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again (and I am speaking to myself here as well, as I understand that I am also part of the problem): As long as the season ticket holders keep renewing, and there is a waiting list to replace them when they do drop out, the attendance numbers aren’t going to drop much lower than they already are. The team can absolutely live with that.

So if you want to call Ricketts cheap, or Theo a snake-oil salesman, or beat the dead Debt Burden horse until it no longer resembles a horse, it isn’t going to change their plan. Cubs fans are providing the financial backing that no other team in any other sport would provide after such a historic streak of futility. So they will keep losing on purpose until some of these prospects start making a difference on the major league level. They have no reason not to.

If you want to get mad at somebody about that, go be pissed off at a season ticket holder (their king sits in the left field bleachers). Or if you are a season ticket holder, go yell at yourself in the mirror if it makes you feel better.

Where is my mirror?

Cubs Can’t Get Away from Cakeghazi

Yesterday, it came out that the giant Wrigley Field replica cake made for the Cubs’ birthday bonanza by the Cake Boss was tossed away uneaten into a dumpster.

News spread quickly.

I was shocked because this came so shortly after the Cubs got caught tossing away a bunch of stuff in Wrigley dumpsters that included a sympathy card to Ron Santo’s family that was signed by hundreds of fans. But as the story gained traction, it also became clear that the Cubs were not the culprits to throw the cake away. They sent it to the Field Museum where Cubs Charities was having a fundraiser and the cake was disposed of by the Field Museum after the event.

cakeghazi
(Via @EliGieryna)

OK, so it’s not on the Cubs. It’s still somewhat embarrassing as a Cubs fan because the parallels between the actual crumbling Wrigley and Cake Wrigley sitting in the trash with its upper deck collapsed are too obvious to ignore when the team itself isn’t worth watching, but whatever. I was at first flabbergasted that the Cubs seemed tone-deaf once again by dramatically underestimating how the visuals of a Wrigley cake in a dumpster would cause people who follow this team like a religion to go apeshit, but once I knew it WASN’T THE CUBS that threw it out, I have no issues at all.

But the media has smelled blood in the water and I fully expect CNN to break away from its missing Malaysian plane coverage to go all Cubs cake all the time.

Keith Olbermann has once again included the Cubs in his Worst in Sports series as a result.

USAToday has (hopefully tongue-in-cheek, but who knows) latched onto the fact that the Cubs shouldn’t even be calling it a cake because it was made with such a large percentage of inedible materials.

Jed Hoyer went on The Game with David Kaplan and David Haugh this morning and that question got top billing despite much more interesting topics about C.J. Edwards, Javy Baez, Mike Olt, and the closer role.

At this point, the Cubs can’t even throw a birthday party without having a P.R. issue and this is just something they are going to have to live with.

The cost of providing nothing interesting on the field for most fans is going to cause them to fixate on things that don’t matter. I said on Twitter yesterday that the Yankees could probably murder Yogi Berra on the field in the middle of a game and it wouldn’t get this much play because championships. Winning makes this all go away.

So I don’t feel bad for the Cubs. This is their strategy and there is a cost.  The cost to fans is that any money spent on this team may as well be burned. The cost to the Cubs is they are going to have to deal with this shit regularly.

Already this season alone they have the introduction of a mascot following an off-season that was devoid of any move that would make the major league team any better than last year. they got involved in a dispute between a curmudgeon season ticket holder and an 11-year old girl who apparently cheers too much, or something. They have a non-Cubs authorized Cubby Bear mascot (that they can’t seem to get rid of despite involving the courts) getting into bar fights after games. They just declared that Sammy Sosa is going to have to suck a few dicks of his old teammates to earn forgiveness before they stop pretending as an organization that he never existed. And now this.

Throw in the previous years where they had an owner on a reality show, multiple ham-fisted attempts to extract money from a bankrupt city and/or state government, an unhealthy obsession with urinal troughs, pissing off the mayor for being affiliated with a racist campaign to make the President look bad, multiple rounds of will they/won’t they over Old Style beer in the stadium, and the constantly evolving, never progressing battle over making renovations with their own money and they don’t exactly have a lot of good will left with most fans when there is no actual winning to fill that tank back up after incidents like these drain it.

So get used to it, Cubs. Until there is something on the field worth watching, people will apparently be busying themselves by staking out Field Museum dumpsters and God knows what else. Until then, what did Rick Renteria know about the cake and when did he know it and how will this impact his use of bunting?

Finding the Keys to Success for the Cubs After Two Games

If you have spent any amount of time on Twitter, listening to Chicago sports radio, or read a Cubs story by any of the Chicago beat writers (I’m making a conclusion based on two data points on that last one because I haven’t), then you probably know already that the Cubs are 1 for 27 with runners in scoring position.

Yes, you read that correctly. One for twenty-seven.  Isn’t that horrible? I bet you just want to kill yourself because no team has ever performed so poorly over two whole games. I mean, this lineup should be stacked. Sure, I don’t know what Ryan Kalish actually looks like, but Theo and Jed love him, so he must be good! Plus if Ryan Sweeney is any indication of the attractiveness of all Ryans, then I’m sure Kalish is a very handsome man and that’s got to count for something, right?

But that ONE FOR TWENTY-SEVEN WITH RUNNERS IN SCORING POSITION is hard to overlook. It’s just so ugly. Does this team have any hope at all if they bat .037 with runners in scoring position? OH-THIRTY-SEVEN!

Luckily for everyone, I had an extra few minutes after breakfast and took a closer look at the stats and I found some positive little nuggets out there.

  • The Cubs are batting .324 with 0 outs this year. That’s pretty good! The key, apparently, is to not make outs because they’re batting .138 with 1 out and .194 with 2 outs. So, come on, Cubs! Don’t make outs and you’ll hit just fine!
  • They’re batting .375 in the 8th & 9th innings so far. Way to close out the games, Cubs! This almost assuredly means that we’ll have some very exciting comeback victories this year! I can’t wait!
  • When the count is full, they are batting .429. WOW! That’s better than Ted Williams! It’s still .400 when they are ahead in the count! They could do some real damage if they make the opposing pitcher throw a lot of balls!

So, there you have it. The keys to success for the Cubs are:

  1. Don’t make outs.
  2. Keep it close until late in the game.
  3. Don’t fall behind the pitcher.

Easy peasy! I expect to see these Keys to the Game to show up on a FOX broadcast at some point, and if they do, I want royalties.

Kris Bryant: Good at Baseball

There was very little about today's Cubs game versus the Angels that was worth talking about, but there was a seedling of hope burrowed in the manure of this game.

After the "starters" were mostly pulled in the 5th inning or so, we got to see Albert Almora, Jorge Soler, Arismendy Alcantara, Javier Baez, and Kris Bryant all on the field at the same time (also: Brett Jackson and Josh Vitters). That was pretty cool.

I didn't get a chance to watch most of it, but I did get to see the highlight of the game when Albert Almora roped a double down the left field line and after a Soler strikeout looking, Kris Bryant worked a 3-2 count, fouled off a few pitches and launched a HR over the 420 foot mark in CF.

Baez also absolutely smoked a ball, but it was right at Ian Stewart (who has resurfaced with the Angels).

Darwin Barney hit a solo homerun earlier for the Cubs only other run, so there is that. The rest of the game pretty much sucked balls. Cubs lost 15-3.

 

Why I Don’t Support the Wrigleyville Rooftop Owners

Yesterday, I posted on my FB page and on Twitter my first gut reaction to the latest twist in the Cubs v. Rooftops saga that began a long time ago in a galaxy, far, far away (or it just seems that way):

If you go to a rooftop across from Wrigley, or buy a drink in any of the bars they own, we're not friends anymore.

Is that childish and pouty? Absolutely. Do I take it back? Not really.

I'm not really going to disown anyone for going to a rooftop because there are bigger issues in the world to get that bothered about, but I'm not going to pay a nickel to anybody who owns those places and I don't think Cubs fans should either because they are now hurting the teams' ability to survive at Wrigley Field.

But let's take a step back. First, why in the hell do the neighbors even have a say in this?

This is one of the first questions I always get when this topic comes up from people who are baseball fans but not Cubs fans, or from people who like the Cubs, but don't fritter all their time away in the hive of scum and villainy that is Cubs blog world. Most people plain don't understand how this is even a thing.

So let's travel back in time to the early 80s, when the Cubs sucked, the Wrigleys finally sold a team they hadn't given a damn about in decades, Wrigleyville was Latin King territory, and you could tie an onion to your belt (which was the style at the time) and head to Wrigley to sit in the bleachers on the day of the game for a nickel or whatever. It was a time of innocence. A time when only day baseball was played, and hardly any of the players were millionaires. There were also no rooftop seats across the street.

Oh sure, people went up there from time to time, but they were people who lived in the buildings or had friends who lived in the buildings. It was a perk of living there. You had friends over, dragged a grill up top and hung out in the sun, drinking your own beer, and watching the Cubs from a distance. It was pretty cool and hardly anybody was aware of it.

Then the Cubs, under Dallas Green, managed to put together a team that actually made the playoffs. It was 1984. Harry Caray was in the booth, Ryne Sandberg was breaking Cardinals fans hearts, and the Cubs won the division for the first time in almost 40 years. It was a fucking party. The park was jammed full of partying people. This is when the national spotlight hit the rooftops, that were also more jammed than usual because everybody wanted to see the magic at Wrigley. So the TV cameras found the rooftop folks and their friends partying and Cubs fans at home began to think, "Wow, that looks AWESOME. I wish I could do that."

I don't know who did it first and it really doesn't matter, but someone over there got the idea to start selling access to the rooftops. And they had a lot of demand. A lot. So they put up junior high school style bleachers and installed bigger grills. And the TV cameras kept finding them and the demand kept growing.

Meanwhile, the Cubs viewed it as an opportunity to sell themselves. "Look!" They'd say through constant mentions by Harry or camera shots by Arne Harris, "The Cubs are so popular people are jamming onto the rooftops to see us play!"

The rooftops had plenty of business, and this was the first real opportunity the owners of the buildings had to really cash in on the Cubs being right next door since a local ordinance restricted the signage outside the ballpark.  The old Budweiser sign in left field and the old Torco sign in right field were grandfathered in and if those signs ever come down, they can't go back up again.

But rooftop seating wasn't restricted and as it became bigger business, they needed all sorts of licensing from the city to operate. The rooftops claim the Cubs never objected. I don't know if they did or not, but they sure seemed happy to build the rooftops into the sun, ivy, baseball-the-way-it-was-meant-to-be mythology that they marketed in the absence of much winning baseball.

Since nobody was telling them otherwise, the rooftops then started heavily investing in their business. Wrigley's high-end amenities were non-existent. Sure, they had skyboxes, but they were tucked back in under the upper deck, and were pretty cramped. The food service sucked throughout the ballpark. So the rooftops started providing real food options and having actual good restaurants cater. They served top-shelf liquor. They had premium beer options and now serve real craft beer. They suddenly became a better option for the wealthy corporate customers that were becoming increasingly important to a baseball team's economics. They started putting additions on the buildings and building multi-level stadium-quality bleachers, with separate access stairs and elevators. They renovated apartments into full-service sports bars. Hell, a couple of those buildings were build for the express purpose of making them into stadium clubs.

All of these mega-complexes were built around a view of games that they did not own.

This was the crux of a lawsuit that the Cubs finally brought against the rooftops in 2002. We'll get back to that.

Meanwhile, the city had started moving on placing landmark status on Wrigley Field, meaning any change to the ballpark would have to go through a landmarks committee. 

Mayor Daley always had a contentious relationship with the Chicago Tribune's editorial board, but you can't just take revenge on a newspaper that is mean to you if you're a politician. Freedom of speech and all that. But what you CAN do, especially in the seedy world of Chicago politics, is squeeze the baseball team owned by the newspaper, and that was the Cubs. People used to think that Daley only fucked with the Cubs because he was a Sox fan, but after the 1994 strike, he was pretty disillusioned with baseball altogether and really didn't give much of a damn anymore. The fact that it was the Cubs was more icing on the cake than a main motivator. He meant to make the Tribune squirm any way he could and landmarking Wrigley was just the next thing (see also, the Battle of Night Games).

I can't find when it was officially declared for review, but it definitely was under review in the early 2000s when the Cubs and rooftops started really clashing. The Cubs were in a hurry to make changes that wouldn't need to go through 8 billion steps (like we've seen for the current renovations now that the landmark status is officially official), but the changes required building out over the Waveland and Sheffield sidewalks and that got the neighborhood involved. The plans would also obscure the sightlines from the rooftops and so they began fighting the Cubs on the changes.

So there wasn't much, if any, political support for the Cubs against a neighborhood that loves having their property values shoot up because of the stadium, but hates every other part of living near a stadium: people, traffic, noise, etc.  Cubs fans, as they are prone to do, were also going apeshit that the Tribune was going to ruin Wrigley Field by making the changes. 

Things deteriorated between the rooftops and the Cubs and came to a head when the Cubs sued the rooftops at the end of 2002:

According to the Cubs’ complaint and to Andy MacPhail, President and CEO, as quoted above, the Chicago Cubs have a property right in the performance of the Major League baseball games played at Wrigley Field, and the rooftop owners infringe the Cubs’ copyrights by rebroadcasting the Cubs’ telecasts.

According to the rooftop owners’ answer to the complaint, the Cubs’ allegations are made solely to harass the owners and pressure the community and the City of Chicago to permit the Cubs to fundamentally alter Wrigley Field and the character of the Wrigleyville neighborhood.

So the Cubs were saying, "You don't have a right to sell a view of our product" and the rooftops countered with, "You are just saying that to bully us."

But it ultimately came down to who owned the rights to the view, and it isn't as simple as you might think if you read the article I linked to. Eventually a judge ordered a compromise be made, and the Cubs, who were hellbent on getting their Bleacher expansion before the landmark status was finalized, agreed to a deal where they got the expansion rights over the sidewalks and 17% of the revenues from the rooftops in exchange for a 20 year moratorium on blocking the rooftop views.

Essentially, the Cubs screwed themselves in the long run by being stupidly narrow-minded in their scope of what was a "win" for them. Someone with a longer view might have balked at committing to 20 years of status quo in a ballpark that was already 90 years old at the time. Maybe they could keep challenging and make the rooftops win their argument that they had a right to the view. Maybe they could have just said to hell with the 17%, just give us the rights to the sidewalk space and we'll stay as is for 5 years (or something a hell of a lot shorter than 20 years). I don't know, I wasn't there and I'm not a legal expert. But this agreement is now why the current Cubs have their hands tied when trying to renovate the ballpark.

They've cleared all the landmark hurdles, but the revenue-driving signage and jumbotron that will help pay for the non-revenue driving (but essential) changes are in potential violation of that agreement that doesn't expire until 2024.

So this is the Cubs' own damn fault, right? Well, yeah, pretty much, with a helping hand from Daley who helped put them in a position of angst where that deal seemed like a good idea.

But here is the thing, and I've said it before and I will keep saying it until I am blue in the face: The Cubs have a FINITE amount of time where playing at Wrigley Field is viable, from both an economic and safety perspective.

SOMETHING has to change. The Cubs can not compete like a large market team without the revenues that every other baseball team in the world has access to. The Cubs can not compete while asking their players to use equipment that is inferior to many NCAA  Division III (non-scholarship) athletic facilties. THERE IS STILL SAFETY NETTING BECAUSE OF CONCRETE THAT STARTED CRUMBLING AND FALLING A DECADE AGO.

It. Can. Not. Continue. Like. This.

So, do the rooftops have a very serious case that their agreement is being violated? Yeah, they might (as GBTS has stated in the comments in earlier posts, this is also not crystal clear because it depends on the language of a contract we don't have access to, and depends on how a judge interprets that language). But the thing is, their end game makes the Cubs staying at Wrigley unviable. Their obstruction of the plans means that the Cubs will have NO OTHER CHOICE but to find someplace else to play. It can't continue like this until 2024, and if they somehow win and block the Cubs from making the changes, then they'll be signing their own businesses' death certificates.

It doesn't matter that Cubs fans will be pissed. There will be no other choice.

It doesn't matter that their brand will be damaged by moving away from the iconic Wrigley. There will be no other choice.

It doesn't matter that there has yet to be a real location floated as an option. There will be no other choice.

I don't understand why Cubs fans don't see this and I certainly don't understand why the rooftops don't see this. They seem to be operating under the impression that all they have to do is beat the Cubs in this battle and they can go back to raking in money like always. This isn't the Braves moving out of a 15 year old stadium. Wrigley is 100 years old and can't function in the modern era anymore.

The renovations won't destroy the rooftop businesses. They'll have less of a view than before, but they'll still have a view, and that means they'll still have a business. And if I'm the Cubs, I tell the rooftops that in exchange for dropping all this bullshit and letting the plans go, they can reduce the 17% payments or extend the contract so that further changes won't be permitted. Maybe both.

But for any settlement to actually take hold that doesn't end in more litigation that holds up the changes, the rooftops have to come to their senses and realize that they have no business at all if they force the Cubs to move. Perhaps a boycott of the rooftops and their bars would give them a taste of what life without the Cubs would be like and might prompt some movement. Because I honestly don't think that will ever happen without someone forcing the issue, and the city doesn't seem inclined to do so (Surprise!).

In my opinion, supporting the rooftops is giving financial approval of their methods to hold the Cubs back from becoming a real major market team and that is all I care about. The rooftop owners (legally or not) are willfully pushing the Cubs to a scenario where they will have to vacate Wrigley Field in order to grow as a franchise, and believe it or not, by the time a move would be made, the Cubs will probably be pretty good and people would go to watch them in a dome if it came to it. The Cubs are about 3 years away from serious contention, and if they started on finding an alternate location right now, they could probably move in right around that time frame.

New team, new stadium, new tradition. It brands itself.

The rooftops are destroying the chances of seeing our potential best seasons ever as Cubs fans in the venue we all (mostly) want them to be in when it happens.

So while it may not be "fair" since the Cubs (and Crane Kenney) are major culprits in coming to this point, my choice is to not support the rooftop owners because their end game is the least desirable to me as a Cubs fan.

Things can not continue like this.

Tanaka to the Cubs Seems More and More Likely, So Prepare Yourself For Doom

Over the last few days, we've seen ramblings here and there that have indicated the Cubs are heavily in on Masahiro Tanaka. Jayson Stark tweeted about owners talking about the Cubs. Bruce Levine tweeted this morning that he had a source that the Cubs were believed to be the front-runners.

Now, Tom Loxas has tweeted specifics of the offer:

That is an incredibly strong offer over 7 years and almost certainly an overpay which could be tough to beat. So you have to start liking the Cubs odds a bit more now.

And that is what scares the hell out of me.

I have been girding my loins in preparation for the news that Tanaka will be a Yankee pretty much this whole off-season. Until recently, there really was nothing that would make me think otherwise. But now… I'm having these feelings of… I'm not quite sure… could it be… hope?

But this is where it gets dangerous for Cubs fans and we should probably get ready for the anvil to fall on our head or the Acme rocket to blow up in our face. Are we really comfortable getting too giddy about anything until it's a done deal? 

This is going to be a loooong week as we wait for a final decision. Hold onto your butts.

Cubs Convention (AKA The Absolute High Point of the 2014 Season) This Weekend

Cubs fans will come from near and far to the Sheraton downtown to stand in ridiculously long autograph lines, pack ballrooms to catch a glimpse of former Cubs middle-relievers, and ask really stupid questions when given the opportunity.

It's the Cubs Convention!

Typically, I've broken down the various sessions and made little jokes, but I'm not going to do that because nothing has really changed.  The Ricketts still have their session first thing on Saturday morning when anybody who has an actual difficult question will probably be too hung over to attend the session. The Baseball Management session still includes Randy Bush for reasons passing understanding. They'll trot out their prospects as often as possible, talk about the 100 year anniversary of Wrigley at every opportunity, and God help us, there will be Clark the Cub.

It will also be the high point of the 2014 season so it probably deserves mentioning.

But mainly, this is just so Wali has a thread that doesn't get blocked at his work because I cursed too much. Don't say I never did anything for you, Wali.

Also, as per usual, many luminaries from the Cubs blog and Twitter world will be drinking heavily at Lizzie McNeill's.  Julie was nice enough to create an official invite that says it starts at 8pm, but based on last year, it pretty much starts anytime after 6pm. I imagine I'll arrive sometime around 7ish. Sometimes some of the media will come in and confront a blogger or two, and some, like Bruce Miles and Sahadev Sharma just join in the drinking fun, so there's the possibility of some entertainment and Lizzie's has free popcorn.

Cubs Biggest Fucking Move of Fucking Offseason is a Stupid Fucking Mascot

Fuck the Cubs. Fuck Crane Kenney. Fuck whichever of Crane Kenney's dipshit fucking minions came up with Clark the fucking bear. This is fucking embarassing.

Like it's not bad enough to be stuck being a fan of a horseshit team thats own ass-backwards mismanagement forced it to be the only fucking baseball team that regularly played in the daytime as a kid. Like it isn't bad enough that we root for a team that hasn't sniffed a fucking World Series win since before fucking World War I even started or the fucking Titanic was built.

Like it's not bad enough that the team continues to be so bum-fuzzled that they can't figure out a way to renovate their own fucking ballpark using their own fucking money because they are dominated by a bunch of local bar owners who successfully got the team to sign a fucking contract that allows them to fucking legally steal the Cubs product.

Like it isn't bad enough that we are going to enter into our THIRD fucking season where they will PURPOSEFULLY be fucking awful and charge prices more excessive than most teams that have won a fucking World Series in our fucking lifetimes.

Now, as we starve for anything – ANYTHING – that would make the Cubs team even a tiny bit interesting this year as we march toward another 95+ loss season, we get this fucking mascot bullshit. It took about 3 seconds for Cubs fans to make the Poochie connection where the Simpsons mocked adding superfluous characters to artificially inflate interest in a show that was losing viewers' interest. I don't know who actually made the first connection, but the first I saw was @ChicagoVince:

Seriously, this has Wally fucking Hayward's fingerprints all over it. This could only come from the genius mind behind Chicago's Olympic bid and the "It's a Way of Life" campaign.  I imagine the meeting to discuss this new mascot went something like this:

Tom Ricketts: I have figured out how to rejuvenate ticket sales! It's so simple, you egghead marketers would've never thought of it! What we need is… a new mascot! One that today's kids can relate to!

Alison Miller, Senior Director, Marketing: Are you absolutely sure that's wise, sir? I mean, I don't want to sound pretentious here, but the ivy and history of Wrigley form a classical baseball mythology dyad.

Crane Kenney: Hey, this ain't art, it's business! (to Tom) Whaddya got in mind? Sexy Lincoln Park Trixie? Douchebag Drunken Bro?

Ricketts: No, no. We're the Chicago Cubs. It should be a Cubbie Bear.

Julian Green, VP Communications and Community Affairs: Uh, a bear? Isn't that a tad predictable?

Wally Hayward, CEO, W Partners:  In your dreams. We're talking the original bear from hell.

Miller: You mean Mike McCaskey?

Hayward: We want a bear with attitude. He's edgy. He's "in your face." You've heard the expression "let's get busy?" Well, this is a bear who gets "biz-zay!" Consistently and thoroughly.

Kenney: So he's proactive, huh?

Hayward: Oh, God, yes. We're talking about a totally outrageous paradigm.

Kevin Saghy, Manager, Communications: Excuse me, but "proactive" and "paradigm"? Aren't these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? (fidgets) Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that. (fidgets again) I'm fired, aren't I?

Ricketts: (to Kevin) Oh, yes.

Ricketts: The rest of you start thinking up a name for this funky bear; I dunno, something along the line of say… Clark, only more proactive.

Kenney: Yeah!

(Ricketts, Kenney and Hayward leave.)

Miller: So, Clark The Cub okay with everybody?

Everyone in unison: Yeah…

It's such a kick in the dick that they're even pulling this shit. They know god damn well that they aren't getting Tanaka. They know god damn well that Baez, Bryant, etc. etc. won't even debut until half the season is tanked at the very earliest, and even if they arrive this year they'll just be thrown in this shitfest of a season where anything less than Hall of Fame heroics will be met by the fanbase with derision. They know god damn well that Samardzija is already halfway out the door. So here's a fuzzy, cuddly, snuggle bear to distract you. 

And I've seen here and on Twitter that this is meant for children so get the fuck over it. OK, then explain why the fucking thing will be on Twitter and Facebook? What fucking kids younger than 10 years old are on Twitter and Facebook?

This is all part of the bullshit the marketing department absolutely has to come up with because they KNOW the team is going to blow. They fucking know it and this is as bold-faced an admission as you are ever going to see a team make. It's not even fucking February and the 2014 season has all but been declared dead by the team itself. For the third straight year.

IVY!

MANUAL SCOREBOARD!

WRIGLEY IS 100 YEARS OLD!

DAY BASEBALL!

SUNSHINE!

OLD STYLE BEER!

URINAL TROUGHS!

SNUGGLY, FUZZY, GLAZED EYED, BACKWARD HAT BEAR!

COMMITTED!

The Cubs insist this is the result of fan surveys and feedback. Who the fuck took these surveys and said that a day at the ballpark was missing a scared-looking Cubs mascot with a backwards hat? Did anybody check to make sure that Cardinals fans weren't filling these surveys out as a joke? Are these the same surveys that placed an inordinate amount of importance on fucking urinal troughs? At what point will these people come to the realization that Cubs fans are either insane, stupid as fuck, or both?

Holy fucking hell. If this is what Cubs fans really care about then we just don't even deserve a winning team. 

If we're going to go with any Clark as a mascot, it should be Clark Griswold:

Hey! If any of you are looking for any late Christmas gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Tom Ricketts, the Cubs Executive Chairman, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy Committed! slumber over there in Wilmette with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! 

That's a Clark I could get behind as a mascot.

Our Ballots for the OV HOF Vote Explained

We held our own balloting a few weeks ago where we pretended that we were the BBWAA and were allowed to vote for the Hall of Fame.  We elected Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine, Frank Thomas, and Mike Piazza (the rest of the results can be found here).

Originally we planned to also publish and explain our ballots, but then we never did that and it kind of fell off the radar.

Since today is the official Hall of Fame announcement, I figured this would be a good time to share a couple of our ballots with you all. 

Myles

It really is incredible how many great players I’m NOT voting for. In fact, I can make a pretty great list of 10 players that I didn’t vote for. In fact, here is that list:

11. Jeff Kent
12. Craig Biggio
13. Jeff Bagwell
14. Mike Mussina
15. Curt Schilling
16. Alan Trammell
17. Tom Glavine
18. Rafael Palmeiro
19. Moises Alou
20. Jack Morris

Honestly, the list where I’d go from yes to no is at 17. That’s 7 people that I’d vote for that just didn’t make the cut for me.

Here’s my list.
10. Larry Walker
From 1994 to 2004, this was Larry Walker’s line: .331/.422/.614, 288 HR, 348 2B, 47 3B, 146 OPS+.  I know it was the height of Coors’ power, but that’s still an incredible feat. Here’s two other things: .278/.370/.495 was his slash away from home, and his “most similar” career was the inimitable Duke Snider. Oh, also career .400 OBP, exactly. That’s good enough for me!

9. Edgar Martinez
I get it. He’s a DH (though he could play 1B as well as Prince Fielder could). On the other hand, he’s the best DH to ever play the game. If the MLB wants the DH as a position, it should be represented in the Hall of Fame. If that’s the case, you have to have Edgar Martinez in there.  Oh yeah, career .418 OBP, and a career trinity line of .312/.418/.515. I consider anyone with over 7500 PA and a .300/.400/.500 line HOF worthy, and he crushes it in that respect. Just take a guess on how many people qualify using that metric. The answer: 17.

8. Tim Raines
He stole 808 bases. He was absolutely feared on the basepaths, maybe unlike anyone else ever (obvious caveat of Ricky here). If you want to nitpick and call Raines an accumulator, I’d agree with you just a bit; he was never really even close to being the best player in any given year or era. However, I think it is just as important to me that for almost 20 years, he was better than average, and many years much, much better.

7. Sammy Sosa
It’s the Hall of Fame. There aren’t a whole lot of baseball players more famous than Sammy Sosa. He and McGwire more-or-less saved baseball during the great Home Run Race, and I don’t give any shits about his corked bat or alleged steroid usage. His 1998 to 2002 is one of the great all-time 5-year peaks (.306/.397/.649, 292 HR, 705 RBI); he led the league in total bases 3 out of 4 years. He was a poor defender, and independent of history I think he’s barely on the outside looking in; however, his duel with McGwire (and the fact that he still has the most 60+ HR seasons ever) pushes him solidly into “HOF” territory for me.

6. Mark McGwire
Take everything I said about Sammy Sosa and just paste it here. He even has a more-or-less identical 5 year peak (.287/.438/.702, 284 HR, 620 RBI, in only 698 games). It’s a shame that the fans were robbed of his age-29 and age-30 seasons to injury; otherwise, you could realistically add 90 home runs to his total, which would put him in the 670 or so stratosphere. He’d be a great candidate for the Hall independent of his place in history, which makes him an inner-circle type in my eyes.

5. Mike Piazza
If we are conservative, Piazza is the best hitting catcher in the history of baseball (and it’s not even close). You can make the case that he’s the best catcher ever. This is a no-brainer. The fact that someone could axe him on the case of bacne is hilarious if it wasn’t so fucking sad. There are 9 catcher-seasons with an OPS over 1.000. Piazza has 3 of them, and is the only person with more than 1. It also wasn’t like Piazza was a slouch defensively. He wasn’t great, but he wasn’t awful, either.  He led the league in offensive WAR twice. As a CATCHER. That’s fucking incredible.

4. Frank Thomas
With the exception of Barry Bonds, Frank Thomas is the best hitter I’ve ever been alive to see. It’s that simple. First things first, he has the golden trinity slash of .301/.419/.555. He has 270 more career walks than strikeouts. He has 521 HR despite never hitting more than 43 in a season. In a time where everyone was accused of steroids, Thomas was never once even mentioned as a user. He led the league in walks as a 23, 24, 26, and 27 year old. He had an OBP over .420 his first 8 years in baseball. He could have retired in 2000, after 10 years in baseball, and owned a line of .321/.440/.579, 344 HR, 1183 RBI, 169 OPS+. He would have been a no-doubt HOF had he retired then, at 32. He was never as healthy or dominant as he was after his injury in 2001 (though of course, he still had a .273/.387/.528 from that point on, good for an OPS+ of 136), but it didn’t matter. The Big Hurt is the best player in Chicago history.

He was also the worst defensive 1B probably ever.

3. Greg Maddux
I consider Maddux a better player than Thomas, but since so many of his years took place in Atlanta, it’s not fair to give Maddux the nod there. I could write pages on Greg Maddux, but I’ll instead just favorite stat of his.

Maddux retired as the only player ever to have over 3000 strikeouts and fewer than 1000 walks. He had…999 walks for his entire career. He ended his career with 3 starts as a Dodger, and walked no one in each of those starts to preserve that streak.  

2. Roger Clemens

He’s a better pitcher than anyone I’ve ever seen in my whole life with the exception of Pedro Martinez. He won 7 Cy Youngs, a feat never before accomplished and likely never repeated. He has over 100 WARP for his career, so he’s an aggregator AND a peak guy (if you win 7 Cy Youngs, you’ve got a peak in there somewhere). When it comes down to it, the 1997 season had 2 of the best pitcher seasons of all time (Martinez and Clemens), and Clemens’ season was probably even better than Martinez’. Steroids or not, Clemens won Cy Youngs 18 years apart and an MVP for good measure. He finished second once and third twice. Jesus, how can he not be in?

1. Barry Bonds

Ser Barrold of House Bonds is the greatest player of all time.  What more is there to say?

 

Aisle 424

Last year I voted for Bonds, Clemens, Piazza, Sosa, Bagwell, Biggio, Raines, Trammell, Schilling and Palmeiro. Since I believe that once you believe someone is a Hall of Famer, you should always believe he is a Hall of Famer, I should have voted for all 10 of those guys again, since none of them got in last year. BUT, since we can only vote for 10 and the ballot now included more names that are ALSO Hall of Fame worthy in my opinion, some cuts had to be made.

First off, of the new eligible players, I would have liked to have voted for Maddux, Glavine, Thomas, and Kent. So now I have 14 people for 10 slots.

As far as I'm concerned, Bonds, Clemens, and Piazza are locked from last year, with no-brainers Greg Maddux and Frank Thomas joining them. So that's 5.

I believe that Raines and Trammell should have been in long ago, so I'm sticking with them. That's 7. 

Biggio was actually elected by us last year and he has 7 Hall of Famers in his Top Ten similarity scores on B-Ref. He stays. That's 8.

So now we're down to Sosa, Schilling, Palmeiro, Bagwell, Glavine, and Kent with 2 slots left. Of those names, Tom Glavine stands out more to me with 7 Top 3 finishes in the Cy Young, with 2 wins, 305 career victories (shut up, it's still impressive), and 4 Hall of Famers in his top similarity scores plus Randy Johnson. He's in. That's 9.

Of the guys left, I went with Sosa. I loved watching Sammy play and I don't care how he achieved what he achieved in the era in which he achieved it. It was fantastic. So I voted for Sammy more with my heart, but if you need concrete reasons, he hit 609 HRs. He hit 60+ HRs in three separate seasons. He finished in the Top 10 in MVP voting 7 times and won it once. His top similarity scores include: Jim Thome, Mike Schmidt, Reggie Jackson, Ken Griffey Jr., Harmon Killebrew, Eddie Mathews, Mickey Mantle, Willie Stargell, Gary Sheffield, and Willie McCovey.

I'm not proud of leaving off the rest and I didn't even consider guys like Edgar Martinez, Larry Walker, or Mark McGwire this year which is a crime. But this is what the BBWAA has left us with.